Worst Airport in the World?

World's worst airport


  • Total voters
    14
Despite the quite warrented contempt for Liverpool John Lennon, the original Speke airport had a certain charm. The departure lounge was an old hanger I will admit, but you could go out onto the balcony on a nice day to wave off your relatives to their holidays.

It was very art-deco and was converted (very sympathetically) into a rather nice hotel when I went to a wedding there about 15 years ago. Not been since so it is probably now a shit-hole. (Pic attached)

My dad worked out in the Ivory Coast in the late 70’s. He had rather fond memories of Abidjan airport and managed to get a night in a very beautiful hotel at the capital (I still have a postcard somewhere).

He also told me of a flight on Air Afrique where he and a work colleague were the only passengers - the stewardesses just parked them next to the beer fridge and told them to help themselves. Oh and even then Manchester airport managed to loose his luggage for several days.
 

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A few years back I was dating a very delicious ex-ballerina who was formally

Kisauni airport on Zanzibar was an amalgam of what others here have described in terms of the general inefficiency and blind officialdom of the dark continent. No x-rays of course, just a very corpulent female security guard going through a random selection of bags. I doubt she was actually looking at what she was pulling out of the bags, just going through the motions.
The rest just melds into a feeling of utter incompetence - the place was packed and nobody had a clue. God knows how we got off the ground. After a lifetime of flying in and out of holidays courtesy of HMG I am normally a very chilled traveller, but on this occasion I felt more than a modicum of discomfort over my safety. Worse still, my GF seemed to pick up on this and got rather worried too.
Must say our trip to Zanzibar, Kisauni was very nice. We got off the plane, waiting in the line to go through customs, on the hot and quite humid runway. We had Miss OB and she was about 7.

Getting quite close to the door for the customs, one nice chap walked out , took us into the customs hall passing all those waiting, passed the gates and went to the back of one of the booths. Got the passports stamped and out to the bus for the hotel. Remember now I never even gave him a tip.
 
Excellent thread. Loads of places i now deffo don’t want to grace with my presence..
nearer to home and just a clean but tedious dead end.
Knock ( co Mayos intergalactic spaceport) In Febuary, For. 3 days, waiting for a magneto to be delivered by pack donkey, so I could escape.
it rained for most of the 3 days.
The tin hat was I fitted the mag but the engineer wanted full wedge ( in euro notes) before he would sight it off. Like a white Nigerian
in conclusion Mayo, it’s not the end of the world, but you can see it from there.
 
I cannot remember where but it was in Africa. Going into the airport there was a search and all luggage had to go through the x-ray jobby. Loads of staff milling around.

Waiting inside, needed a pee and water for the family and a beer for me. Walked out the Lobby , passed the staff and x-ray stuff. Did what I needed , bought the drinks and just walked back in through the exit door.
 
...Oh and the local analogy to gin (brewed on the slopes of Mt Kilimanjaro) didn’t come in bottles - nope. In plastic bags in the duty free. It was that bad that the barmen in the safari lodges refused to serve me when I asked if there was a local drink. Just stick to the Tusker beer was there advice...
Waragi? A type of banana gin/vodka. That was good advice. You get the same effect drinking paint stripper.
 
Waragi? A type of banana gin/vodka. That was good advice. You get the same effect drinking paint stripper.
Is that the crap that is often distilled to such a leathal alcohol level that ice won’t float in it ? If so I was once given a large bottle of it and never touched it after sniffing the top.
 
Could be. It's nasty stuff.

Still have a couple of bottles here somewhere.
 

Glad_its_all_over

ADC
Book Reviewer
Happy memories of Tripoli International Airport after the Glorious Revolution and the Leader's abrupt termination in a concrete pipe, courtesy, one gathers, of an AK bayonet enema - now a bumpy car park with added destroyed aeroplanes, courtesy of assorted kitabas and mobs of ne'er-do-wells.

Always interesting to speculate which faction of the controlling Misratan militias had decided it was responsible for airport security that day; the customer experience varied wildly between really quite civilised and arse-twitchingly terrifying. That's assuming you'd managed to cozen a visa out of the Embassy in the first place, of course.
 
One can only hope said knickers contained a skid mark like a melted Mars Bar.
Unable to confirm as time was something of a limiting factor. As she had to pass them by my face I can however confirm that the Sniff Test came up negative for sweetcorn but positive for tuna.

Off you go, don’t forget to wash your hands.
 
I suspect the people who have posted on this thread are more widely travelled that the first-world-panic people who contributed to the article below:


Geneva!!! That's my local airport. It's fine.
Indeed. 'OMG. They haven't got a Waggamamma's!' doth not a shithole make.
 
ah reminded me of TACA Take A Chance Airways departing PG.
I'm assuming you mean Punta Gorda in Florida? Because it'd be pretty interesting putting a 767 down at the other one!
:oops:
20200806_160128.jpg
 
Interestingly, my Dad called today and we caught up - one of his neighbours (miles away but he's remote) is a retired Naval pilot - apparently a bona fide legend, when I mentioned his name to a Rescue pilot mate at St Athan who had been in that lot before.

Anyway, they were spinning dits last night and one of the things they had a good laugh about was the contrast between flying out of Angola under fire one day and being sat on the underground the next looking at all the people blissfully ignorant in what's really going on around the world.

It reminded me of this thread and how the whole site (Arrse) could be construed as having quite a specific outlook on things which is vilified in the media nowadays, yet the irony being that it's borne out of the real life experience and life changing situations shaping those outlooks, as being vividly and amusingly told here, as opposed to a text book or lectured words from some university or liberal think tank which seems to be driving the political wheels of the west at the moment.

Some of us were lucky to get out at all - that list above moans that they don't have a certain fast food outlet - silly *******.
 
Unable to confirm as time was something of a limiting factor. As she had to pass them by my face I can however confirm that the Sniff Test came up negative for sweetcorn but positive for tuna.

Off you go, don’t forget to wash your hands.
Sounds very like the dit recounted by my old doc Carl. ( an ex bootie medic who after retiring as Kirby Stephens doc volunteerEd to work for MSF in Darfur.)
He had been out to some outlying shithole to run a surgery with a land cruiser, driver and two nurses. One a very tall well stacked but rather intimidating German.
on way back they hit a roadblock. 4 kid soldiers armed and showing all the sights of being well into the days kat ration. senior goon ( about 14 )stops by Carl’s door and demands papers. Carl obliges and youth glassily stares at it upside down.
meanwhile his oppo has clocked the two nurses in the back and reaches in the window to fondle a tit. He was rewarded with a punch through the window that put him on his arse.
At this senior goon steps back from the door and racks his AK pointing it at Carl. he says he honestly thought that was it. land cruiser would be delivered to warlord with holed windscreen he’d be toast and fvck knows what awaited the nurses. Awkward silence ensues.
Broken by a very quick witted large German nurse lifting her top and giving the “ soldiers” there first flash of real white tits , all the while smiling.
she beconed head goon in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Instant defusing of situation and they drove on.
It did ram home to him how perilous the situation was there as a doc though, and he wouldn’t go back now no matter what.
 
Got mugged in Luanda by what appeared to be a ten year old with an AK. He could hardly hold it and I was more worried about getting shot by accident than anything else. Of course, the way it was wandering, I'd probably have been pretty unlucky to get hit in the first place.

Little bastard made off with around the equivalent of a quid I had on me in local cash. Getting shot by accident for that amount would have really pissed me off.
 

Oyibo

LE
Got mugged in Luanda by what appeared to be a ten year old with an AK. He could hardly hold it and I was more worried about getting shot by accident than anything else. Of course, the way it was wandering, I'd probably have been pretty unlucky to get hit in the first place.

Little bastard made off with around the equivalent of a quid I had on me in local cash. Getting shot by accident for that amount would have really pissed me off.
Luanda airport used to be a veritable crap hole. But it did have some compensations - The first time I arrived I was in the glacial queue for immigration, and behind me was a young white chap with dreadlocks, beads on every limb, and very 'ethnic' clothing. In other works, a ******. This was in the days when the war was still going.

Due to the boredom of the queue I struck up a half-hearted conversation with him. He said he had come to Angola to travel around and see the place. I did question whether it was a good idea, but he assured me that he was a very experienced traveller - shortly before being dragged off to a small grubby cubicle for yellow fever jabs (someone up-thread mentioned the Luanda Yellow Fever Scam). I never saw him come out.

A few years later someone I know was leaving Luanda and had picked up a bad dose of the trots. He said that he was in the queue that was moving on a geological timescale and could barely hold it in. (He did not want to got to the toilet and lose his place in the queue.) The Emperor (PBUH) must have been busy that day with his sneezing powder. The guy started sneezing, and every time he did so he shat himself. He was so desperate to leave, he stayed in the queue and boarded the plane in a slightly soiled state.
 
Luanda airport used to be a veritable crap hole. But it did have some compensations - The first time I arrived I was in the glacial queue for immigration, and behind me was a young white chap with dreadlocks, beads on every limb, and very 'ethnic' clothing. In other works, a ******. This was in the days when the war was still going.

Due to the boredom of the queue I struck up a half-hearted conversation with him. He said he had come to Angola to travel around and see the place. I did question whether it was a good idea, but he assured me that he was a very experienced traveller - shortly before being dragged off to a small grubby cubicle for yellow fever jabs (someone up-thread mentioned the Luanda Yellow Fever Scam). I never saw him come out.

A few years later someone I know was leaving Luanda and had picked up a bad dose of the trots. He said that he was in the queue that was moving on a geological timescale and could barely hold it in. (He did not want to got to the toilet and lose his place in the queue.) The Emperor (PBUH) must have been busy that day with his sneezing powder. The guy started sneezing, and every time he did so he shat himself. He was so desperate to leave, he stayed in the queue and boarded the plane in a slightly soiled state.
Someone picking up a dose of the shits in Central Africa? I find that hard to believe?
 

Oyibo

LE
Someone picking up a dose of the shits in Central Africa? I find that hard to believe?
Strangely, I've never had a really bad dose of the shits in Africa - you know, the Old Testament dose.

India on the other hand, Holy Mother of God
 
Strangely, I've never had a really bad dose of the shits in Africa - you know, the Old Testament dose.

India on the other hand, Holy Mother of God
Oh God, don’t.

The lower three quarters of my guts has just gone into spasm at the memory.

Kitchen-Table-Guts-Gibbering Anus Pleading For Mercy-Latrine-Kitchen, otherwise known as the Goan Fish Curry Closed Loop Cycle.
 
Strangely, I've never had a really bad dose of the shits in Africa - you know, the Old Testament dose.

India on the other hand, Holy Mother of God
My worst was in Kabul in 2004 when we could still go to restaurants.

I went to the Indian and foolishly ordered the prawn curry.

WTF was I thinking? The waiter did seem to smell of sulphur though...
 

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