Not just small airports; I came across a rather nonplussed alligator on a taxiway at Orlando McCoy. S/he’d bimbled out onto the hot tarmac as the evening cooled and was pretty clear that 300kg of prehistoric reptile had precedence over 100+T of 21st century technology. Who am I to argue?
Cletus came out in his 4x4 and tried to shift my new friend but sensibly stayed in the vehicle so matey opened one eye and fucked the human race off. I was starting to fret a bit as we were burning fuel and starting to eat into our reserves and the only way to solve the impasse was for me to get towed backwards onto another taxiway, 3 point turns not being in The Big Book of Flying Big Things.
By this time, half the cabin crew were on the flight deck videoing proceedings, giggling and offering general advice based on how they stopped next door’s cat shitting in their flower beds. For comic affect (and in the absence of any better ideas), my FO opened the side window and shouted “shoo”.
It would appear that the best way of shifting recalcitrant alligators that are close to bringing major international airports to a standstill is to shout “shoo” at it.
Mr/s Ambulatory Posh Luggage duly sauntered off into the drainage channel and the modern world resumed normal service.
I have been to two of those CDG and Newark, they've been treated very kindly in that survey. While nothing like the cataclysmic shitholes elsewhere, they have their own dismal brand of low grade unpleasantness that makes your flesh creep.That list is certainly one compiled by someone who has only ever been to only those airports, and found that they don't have cafes serving his preferred kind of latte. Probably a Guardian writer (and segue'ing on to all sorts of other global social issues...
No, I won't go there on this thread).
A 'First World' complaint, I think?
It‘s a 737 Classic (-300 to -600), forerunner of the NG and MAX series, successor to the Jurassic, -100 and -200.
This example is a bit of an hybrid as it has EFIS instruments and FMCs (the green screen by the Capt’s right knee) but EIS engine instruments, a kind of first stab at electronic instrumentation. It’s reasonably recent, post 9/11 as it has a camera covering the flight deck door showing on the screen in the middle, between the FMCs.
The photo was taken on the ground as the flight instruments are all at zero and there are a number of blue lights on the overhead panel that you’d not see in flight.
Smug Mode AUTO
I used to be a fan of Noxzema shaving foam - great stuff but can’t get it any more. I used to come in a weird shaped aerosol can....not corrupt? Where do you think all those confiscated aerosols went?
I'm loving this thread, it's got me thinking about some of the land border crossings i've made (and some i've avoided...) although the more interesting ones are dulled by time and liberal application of alcohol... a doss bag & mossie net were definitely part of the required kit, along with many 'petit cadeau' of various denominations
ETA - unsuprisingly most in Africa....
Most places will get a pass from me if they have working aircon, pax are not taking a shit on the floor of the terminal, the security bods have some kind of clue and no one is trying to stick the barrel of an AK up my nose.
Apart from the smuggling boxes of King Edward cigars and tabs across the German border back in the BAOR days.
I and the wife and American friends got through the Namibian , Caprivi strip Ngoma customs using some US Granola bars.
We were on a self planned self drive safari through Botswana, Namibia and Zimbo.
Been in the Kalahari for a few days View attachment 495458
Then onto Namibia. Met some Saffies who asked if we had visas as the Namibians had just changed the visa requirements . We got into Namibia but had no visas. Bugger. Driving early in the morning to the customs post, Andy , the American was chewing one of his breakfast bars. I asked him for a couple as we drove into the customs post . Walking up to the customs man with the bars in my hand, he was asking about visas and passports, I put down the bars On the counter and he asked what they were? Told him it was breakfast in a bar , great way to start the day, “Would you like them to try?”
Oh yes and do you have a visa ? ‘“OH no we don’t , we were in Botswana and never knew we needed them”.
Ahh , it’s OK . Quick stamp in the passport and we were away.
It's on Amazon, can doesn't look that odd unless it's changedI used to be a fan of Noxzema shaving foam - great stuff but can’t get it any more. I used to come in a weird shaped aerosol can.
Coming back from one of my little holidays courtesy of HMG one of the guys manning the X-ray machine pulled my bag aside with a quizzical look on his face. After a quick rummage he pulled the bottle of noxzema out - fair doos, it did look weird.
Completely missed the (well vented and rinsed out) fuel bottle for my MSR petrol stove though...
On a similar theme:
I once did an electronics course at Cranfield - taken by a guy with a brain like one of the Tefal guys. Part of it was to solder together a particular circuit board identical to one used by PIRA during the troubles, test it and see if it worked.
The next day flying back to NI out of Bristol I suddenly realised that having effectively an IED component in my bag might cause a bit of a kerfuffle, so I had better put it in my hand luggage and show the guys to allay any fears.
At the x-ray machine, pulled it out and explained that I thought they would have a heart attack if they saw it going through: “gosh, looks like it came out of a bomb that!”
Night out in The Gambia.
We‘d been to a great restaurant run by a Dutch expat and he’d sorted some taxis back to the hotel. Capt splits the crew 50/50 and hops in a cab with one lot, I take the others. SOP in iffy places.
We scream off in a cloud of exhaust fumes, me with my feet on the dashboard as sitting conventionally was problematic given there was no floor in the footwell. Rounding a corner, anchors slam on and we grind to a halt on a bridge (grind being the operative word as the brake pads were something of a misnomer).
Usual rag bag set up, international range of DPM type uniforms, concrete filled 45 gallon drums, flip flops and the only touch of class, that rifle, wooden furniture and all. I was “invited“ to carry out a barrel inspection via the 7.62 MILE (so it appeared) muzzle and then entered into negotiations on the price of the women in the back.
My hoop was going sixpence bin lid as these guys had that wide eyed, glassy stare thing going on, something to do with a herbal remedy popular thereabouts. At which point one of the cabin crew whips her knickers off, hangs them on the fore sight and screams “drive!”.
You don’t find that in Ops Manuals.
Seconded.Shout out fit Manchester too, utter fcuking gopping nightmare of a place. Utter nightmare to get to. Cramped, smelly/dirty, staff with all the charismas of amoeba’s. It is always my last resort airport of choice. You know it’s been abad day if flying Ryanair out of a Manchester.....
I have been to two of those CDG and Newark, they've been treated very kindly in that survey. While nothing like the cataclysmic shitholes elsewhere, they have their own dismal brand of low grade unpleasantness that makes your flesh creep.
...they have their own dismal brand of low grade unpleasantness that makes your flesh creep.