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Worst Airport in the World?

World's worst airport


  • Total voters
    27
The first time I went to Nigeria (early 2000s) I had an ex SSS guy as the local security manager. He recounted how some British bloke had a mother who had lived in PH in the '60s and asked him if he could arrange a tour for her.

According to the Nigerian manager he picked her up at the airport, and when they got to the shit hole the city had become she burst into tears. In its day PH was reckoned to be beautiful - not many who would say that any more.
I think that throughout Africa, all of the colonial construction was beautiful in its own right. There is literally nothing that the locals can lay claim to.
The Portuguese buildings in Angola are a great example. Utterly stunning forts and ancillary constructions, only recently being restored. If you get a chance to do Luanda, I thoroughly recommend their fort reconstruction and museum. Take a local if your don't speak Portuguese.
 

Oyibo

LE
I think that throughout Africa, all of the colonial construction was beautiful in its own right. There is literally nothing that the locals can lay claim to.
The Portuguese buildings in Angola are a great example. Utterly stunning forts and ancillary constructions, only recently being restored. If you get a chance to do Luanda, I thoroughly recommend their fort reconstruction and museum. Take a local if your don't speak Portuguese.

Kuito (formerly Silva Porto) is a cracking example in Angola. When I was there, not a single building without a strike mark.

1596846042391.png
 

Oyibo

LE
@Lardbeast probably put them there. The brute.

In fairness to the strange saffa he was probably more responsible for Cuito Cuanavale.

Kuito was a strictly UNITA & MPLA affair. Strange place in the '90s.
 
In fairness to the strange saffa he was probably more responsible for Cuito Cuanavale.

Kuito was a strictly UNITA & MPLA affair. Strange place in the '90s.
Fair old distance from one to the other, and as he wasn't carrying a SLR, I'll give you that.
 

Oyibo

LE
I'm loving this thread, it's got me thinking about some of the land border crossings i've made (and some i've avoided...) although the more interesting ones are dulled by time and liberal application of alcohol... a doss bag & mossie net were definitely part of the required kit, along with many 'petit cadeau' of various denominations
ETA - unsuprisingly most in Africa....

I reckon some of those memories would be in the spirit of the thread if you posted them. (You can pretend there was an airstrip nearby.)
 
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I suspect the people who have posted on this thread are more widely travelled that the first-world-panic people who contributed to the article below:


Geneva!!! That's my local airport. It's fine.
That list is certainly one compiled by someone who has only ever been to only those airports, and found that they don't have cafes serving his preferred kind of latte. Probably a Guardian writer (and segue'ing on to all sorts of other global social issues...
No, I won't go there on this thread).

A 'First World' complaint, I think?
 

Oyibo

LE
That list is certainly one compiled by someone who has only ever been to only those airports, and found that they don't have cafes serving his preferred kind of latte. Probably a Guardian writer (and segue'ing on to all sorts of other global social issues...
No, I won't go there on this thread).

A 'First World' complaint, I think?

I think that sometimes the feebleness of the 'liberals' needs to be highlighted.

This thread is a sort of Travellers' Club reminiscence for most of us, and yet - as you point out - some peoples greatest airport woes are the coffee shops.

There's plenty on this site who have been through some really shitty times far worse than dodgy airports.

Let's keep on on poking a sharp stick into the twiglike ribs of 'woke' twats.
 
I think that sometimes the feebleness of the 'liberals' needs to be highlighted.

This thread is a sort of Travellers' Club reminiscence for most of us, and yet - as you point out - some peoples greatest airport woes are the coffee shops.

There's plenty on this site who have been through some really shitty times far worse than dodgy airports.

Let's keep on on poking a sharp stick into the twiglike ribs of 'woke' twats.

Yes sir. Do it! I've just been in a bar with a stunning Lebanese Christian who asked me to walk her home.. we merely bumped elbows when we got there..

I'm fired up and ready to poke some twat ribs.
 

Oyibo

LE
Yes sir. Do it! I've just been in a bar with a stunning Lebanese Christian who asked me to walk her home.. we merely bumped elbows when we got there..

I'm fired up and ready to poke some twat ribs.

** Terry Waite wonders whether to warn you off
 

Oyibo

LE
Oi! @Lardbeast bloke. What bloody plane is this - It's in my Gabon folder, but I'm damned if I can remember what it is:

1596852050633.png


Co-pilot's obviously at the bar.
 
First time I flew into Mana pools, hired a local , young man . Not too expensive, flew there from Vic falls , I was with two UK uni students who were doing some field work in a Gold mine. Had a few nice trips there as well.

Anyway as we got in the “ some small Cessna type” Young pilot asks how much we weighed. Knowing a little but they said 9, 10 stone I said oh 11 . So got to sit next to him .

On arriving in Mana, he did a couple of very close touch and goes before we landed. I even took a picture as I though WTF.

On landing , asking why he did that?

Oh to scare off the animals as hitting anything moving tends to spoil you trip.

As an airport goes , a strip in the Bush with a few barrels full of Avgas and a hand pump is a bit different.

Yup. We had fuel caches all over the Sudan and a few other places. Just had to keep track of what was left and update the folks at base so we could get more out there when running low.

Buzzing strips was ops normal and you had to keep a weather eye out for kids playing chicken and mombies. Goma was the worst for brain dead pedestrians and you quickly figured out that mombies would take off in the direction they were facing when startled or frightened. You were sort of OK if you could see their arses taxiing in, but if they were facing you, the digit had to be all the way out.
 
The “No Change available” can go badly wrong.

Changing flights from London / Caracas to Caracas/ Bogotá left me with 2 hours to kill and a desperate need for coffee. Venezuela has fantastic coffee so up to the coffee shop I ventured .

Coffee was a mere 5 US cents a cup but I only had paper money and oddly enough, no change was available .

Hung over as I was, ( free booze on Varig in those days), I wasn’t really in a mood to be fucked around and explained that if they had no change then I had no patience so “line up 20 cups of coffee ******** and we will see who the funny ****** is here.”

I had about 12 before my heart rate went through the roof, heart palpitations kicked in and I started seeing double. I really though I might die

I’m never doing that again.

Could've used it to kill their pot plants.

Did something similar waiting for a girl who never pitched. Worst hangover I've ever had was that filth. Pretty much haven't touched it since.
 
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Could be any strip in Africa, I suppose. Luzamba Camp on the Rio Cuango. Dead planes here and there around the runway, lots of mines etc. War long over, but the paranoia still there.

I know Luzamba. That's where the DC6 clipped the raised edge of the runway and skidded to a stop sans landing gear and with a couple of the engines bouncing along next to the airframe. Apprently the crew bailed and legged it into the shateen, but the old Porra captain sat there calmly throwing switches and shutting down from a checklist what was now a total write off.

It's also a diamond mining area and the gravel on that apron is from the diggings. I don't know a crew who has flown in there who haven't walked the apron like chickens pecking up corn, looking for shiny stones among the rubble. Never heard of anyone finding one though, although I suppose it's something you'd keep quiet.

Mong with AK and tough guy pose typical of the region. If you pulled out a camera in those parts, the soldiery or fuzz or whoever was in the area and carrying, would come running over to strike warry poses in front of you. Got a few shots on 35mm of the mongs in then Zaire getting ever more creative as we spurred them on to acts of utter reflective sunglassed war machine fuckwittery.

The other alternative, depending on their mood, was to confiscate your camera, forcing you to buy it back, and possibly beat you up.
 
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I heard that they had snow sweepers garaged from the contract somewhere in Lagos.

Had a couple in Bisho in then Ciskei (SA) as well, as I recall. Just parked in a corner to rot the last time I saw them.
 
Trains in Africa?

Someone needs a hug.

Funny enough, SA and Rhodesia had a pretty good rail network and things worked. All the rail yards around where I am are now pretty much derelict or run by a few lazy useless buggers waiting for pay day.

The Blue Train used to be a good experience and Rovos had a luxury train running up to Vic Falls from Cape Town. When Mad Bob was raising hell in Zim they skipped the rail bit for that section and we flew the rich turistas to Vic Falls in DC3s and Convair 440s, as mentioned elsewhere on this thread.
 
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I think that throughout Africa, all of the colonial construction was beautiful in its own right. There is literally nothing that the locals can lay claim to.
The Portuguese buildings in Angola are a great example. Utterly stunning forts and ancillary constructions, only recently being restored. If you get a chance to do Luanda, I thoroughly recommend their fort reconstruction and museum. Take a local if your don't speak Portuguese.

Same in Moz. There's a site somewhere with a load of before and after pics. This is just one of the wrecks...




ETA: Notice the trees growing on the balconies.
 
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OneTenner

LE
Book Reviewer
Funny enough, SA and Rhodesia had a pretty good rail network and things worked. All the rail yards around where I am are now pretty much derelict or run by a few lazy useless buggers waiting for pay day.

The Blue Train used to be a good experience and Rovos had a luxury train running up to Vic Falls from Cape Town. When Mad Bob was raising hell in Zim they skipped the rail bit for that section and we flew the rich turistas to Vic Falls in DC3s and Convair 440s, as mentioned elsewhere on this thread.
Ooooh! I went on a Rovos train! Flew into Windhoek, off to a game park for a few days, then back to Windhoek for the train, I can't remember the exact route but it took in Vic. Falls, a drive out to Rhodes Tomb, Pretoria & Jo'burg.
Stunning train, obviously stunning scenery - a bit disconcerting the first time it stopped with no station or signs of habitation around with many 'locals' running towards the train.... turned out they were delivering 'locally sourced' fresh meat & veg. Must have been in '91 sadly no pics as it was a honeymoon trip and when I bugged out, memories were not high on my pack list. It wasn't the normal route, IIRC it was a fair bit cheaper as it was more of a train repositioning exercise for the longer trips.
 

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