Work Work - Need Excitement

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by hammy123, Sep 24, 2008.

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  1. Im fugging bored sh*tless here. Picture this, I work in an office of mixed MOD / Civvies / comms specialists - 50 50 male female split, different ethnic origins, most career motivated back stabbing gits, some total dossers like me trying to get paid for doing nothing AND ITS FCUKING BORING TODAY - help me ARRSERS, what can I do to liven this place up? I need ideas but must keep remain the grey man.
    Help, any ideas what I can do?
  2. Have a slow wnak under the table, and keep it going when someone comes to your desk, see how long it takes to either shoot or get caught.

    Sorry, I didnt realise the W word was a nono.
  3. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Find a way to climb into the ceiling space and do a smelly cr@p.
  4. I like it, good one.
  5. Or you could get your head down,get on with your work.Keep your customers happy,and try to please your Boss.Turn up to work on time.Do free overtime.Make tea for everyone.
  6. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    I take it your back on the drugs then.
  7. Is that you John?
  8. Ceiling space yes, but position yourself near a vent above one of the promotion whores. Use a bottle to drip water into his keyboard and computer, and then when when you return to see his desk abandoned and PC covered in Fire Extinguisher foam, laugh your tits off.

    Or get on a desk chair, grip fire extinguisher firmly into your abdomen and pull the trigger. Scream "Fcuk you, fcukers!!!" as you zoom down the corridor and out the plate glass window at the other end.
  9. Hammy, has anyone left themselves logged in, and gone walkabout?! Or, can you not even be bothered for that level of effort to relieve the boredom?

    Fire drill is always useful - especially if you happen to time it just after people have gone for brew and are away from their desks - is it raining per chance?!
  10. To much effort to leave my seat at the moment - Ive just suggested that in future, the team may want to adopt the British Army "sports afternoon". Some chuckles from fellow serving and ex regs then one silly bint pipes up "oh great, we could go for a run then have a game of squash".
  11. Find out who is the Letter Drafting God-there is always one of these unfortunates, the guy/gal who knows feckin everything about content, prose and layout and who has her Word dictionary set up just SO.

    Wait until tis plop is away from the keyboard and then change Word to Serbo-Croat or (even better) Chinese (Original).

    The resultant descent into madness can be spread over a period of days, if you're lucky.
  12. I used to use the "Net send" command with something like, " Windows has detected a fault and will shut down in 30 seconds, please save your work and exit any running programs".

    Failing that, if you can execute ABrighter2006's plan. Go here:

    Install it on some promotion whores pc and await the panic. It realy does work, my companies IT guru fell for it..................
  13. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    Mildly off-topic, but for those of you on DII I was recently introduced to an amazing workaround to the old "screendump desktop, set as wallpaper, delete all icons" tactic that went out of the window with DII/F.

    Take the dump (narf) as usual, but paste it a boatload of times into a Powerpoint presentation. Start the slideshow and, tadaa! They have to click the mouse a load of times before they realise... or they hit Escape, or the right mouse button, or whatever...
  14. "Back on" rather implies I had stopped taking them.
  15. Last time I said I was bored I was sent the following, kept my office entertained for hours:

    One Point Dares:

    1. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace
    2. Leave your fly open for an hour and if anyone points it out say “sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
    3. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
    4. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
    5. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

    Three Point Dares:

    1. Say to your boss “I like your style”, wink and shoot him with double barrelled fingers.
    2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
    3. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
    4. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as “the office bicycle”, then wink and pout.
    5. Call the I.T. helpdesk and tell them you can’t seem to access any pornography web sites.

    Five Point Dares:

    1. At the end of a meeting suggest that for once it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
    2. Turn the office light switch on/off 10 times.
    3. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter “shut up damn it, all of you just shut up!”
    4. Sign all letter with your initials and a swastika.
    5. Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, “I’ll see you tonight”.