Whilst watching Countdown today and cursing myself as the best word I had thus far come up with was 'Rat', I realised I had a minor chubby tucked away in my pants. Nothing major mind you, no more than you'd get when sitting next to a shit encrusted tramp on the bus. Minor though it was, I am mildly concerned, in the same way that you'd be concerned if you got a woody when paying your last respects to your grandmother whilst she lays deceased in her casket. I don't know whether it's Carol, Des' moustache, the curves of the letter B, or indeed a combination of them all that has caused such a reaction in my tiny manhood. Has anyone else experienced a phenomena such as this? Not getting wood at an inappropriate time, but at something which is in no normal sense wood-inducing. I fear that my mild infatuation will turn into full-blown obsession. I now have to avoid WHSmiths in the high-street lest I should enter and begin fondling the calculators and gyrating my crotch against the dictionaries, whilst muttering "I'll have another consonant please Carol".