wonky pish

At work, having a slash staring contentedly out of the window, felt a strange sensation and realised I was wonky pishing on my foot. Now my trainer has a big p1ss stain on the toe. I haven't sniffed it yet, think I will wait until this afternoon.
Anyone else pissed on themselves when sober?



just me then...sob
i have, it was one of those early morning, semi lob shotgun pishes, i managed to piss up one arm and even got some minor blowback on my own chin .... which was nice.
after i managed to regain the controls i had liberally hosed down the back wall of the bathroom, the toilet roll was swelling to 4 times it's normal size
and i was wearing a new cologne i'm thinking of calling

"eau de sugar puff"
Many a time i've had a stray pube stuck in my foreskin or a case of sticky jap eye resulting in two steamy jets of urine. I should probably start cleaning my knob after boning a minger with fishpaste stained knickers. Still, someones got to fire up Moochs' sister.
Not so much as acceidently pishing on yourself, more of lagging ya jeans.

Whilst on tour, me and my oppo had been out and about , when we came back to the camp the first port of call is the pol station, I was bursting for the toilet,

Now the sound of the fuel going into the wagon was like listening to a waterfall running, and i couldnt hold back, so i lagged my jeans.

All very well i hear you say, well it was until i had to hand my radio, and guns back in, then write a report about what we had actually done whilst out.

Not very nice when you go walking into the office to be greeted by the Fos and 2IC to get a debrief, with them having a look of horror on there faces,
I made my excuse saying i opened a can of coke and it spilt all down me, which they would have believed , till me oppo shout at the top of his voice

'No you didnt Sabre you Pished ya self at the POL point'

10 years may have passed since the inceident, but he is still on my hit list for that!
In the days of parkas - on ex (hohne ranges) thought i'd hitched up the front of it - both sides, as it were, - knob out - p!ssing like a stallion on the stable slabs, only to realise one side of me parka had flapped down again and I was hosing up the inside of it - arrse!! :oops:
Somebody told an extremely hilarious anecdote concerning a very unpopular acquaintance of ours who'd given his wife a dose from some slapper. He was now being pursued by an elite Lawyerkommando who was going to get extremely medieval with every financial asset he had.

It really couldn't have happened to a nicer person.

On top of this I was (A) busting for a sh*t, (B) full of rather tasty Chicken Balti and (C) had necked eight pints of wifebeater.

As we laughed out loud at this person's misfortune I emptied my bowels into my trousers. This was undoubtedly God's way of punishing me for enjoying another's misfortune so gratuitously. Luckily I had some trakkie bottoms in my daysack, although I looked a bit odd on the way home ("Mummy, why is that fat man smelling of poo wearing a suit jacket, tie and Ron Hills?").

I'm not prepared to comment on the other occasion, as this is a family forum full of people with delicate dispositions.


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