Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by jimflint, Mar 25, 2011.

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  1. [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my new business venture failed, you were there. When I got beaten and mugged, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still right here by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

    ”I think you're fucking bad luck."
  2. overopensights

    overopensights LE Book Reviewer

    A woman said to her husband. "Go into the garden and cut me a nice cabbage for our roast lunch". He was gone some time and she found he had died of a heart attack. She was relating this to a friend some time later and the friend asked.

    "what did you do?"

    " I had to open a tin of peas" replied the widow.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Women , God bless them. And the difference between love, true love, and showing off is?

    Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
  4. The difference between a Girlfriend, a Mistress and a Wife?

    The Girlfriend says "Faster... Faster..."

    The Mistress says "Slower... Slower..."

    The Wife says "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...."
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Whats the difference between a woman and a battery?

    A battery has a positive side.....................................
  6. Hello, Elena. Welcome to the site.

    If you ever, ever, 'lol' on here again, I will parboil your favourite pet and microwave your cell.

    Have a nice day.
    • Like Like x 2
  7. overopensights

    overopensights LE Book Reviewer

    A mate once told me that he could hold his breath under water for eight and a half minutes. I was impressed and he further explained: I was in the local swimming pool and I heard a young girl call out "Daddy daddy, thats the man" so he thought it best to be prudent and stayed under till the heat was off.
  8. lol


  9. pmsl

    fucking 10 letters bollocks

  10. Is that the lovely, but fearsome, Wendy Murdoch ?
  11. Nah, the question to that answer is is 'what's the difference between love, lust and infatuation'?

    Why do women wear make-up and scent?

    Because they're ugly and they smell.
  12. Or ...why did god invent thrush?????

    so my wife would also know what its like living with an irritable cunt
  13. Took me at least 5 minutes to notice she only had two legs.