Women... know your limits

#1
In the office....

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When using a computer...

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When buying a new car...

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and then driving it....

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When attempting DIY..

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And when trying to control your man's annoying habits...

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#3
And the best 30 seconds worth of telly around at the monent.....

The ads for "Nuts" magazine

"WOMEN - don' t expect any help on a thursday....."

and a cracking "we've better things to do" web site too:

http://www.nuts-magazine.co.uk/

:D
 
#5
Date posted: 06 Feb, 2004 17:00 by Gunny Highway
I like the 3rd gear in my car, as it's quite a nice change from 2nd or 4th. Only the other day I was shopping in Tesco, and a batched loaf is only 31p. Excellent value considering the price of petrol.
How many had you had when you wrote that gunny :)
 
#6
boney_m said:
Date posted: 06 Feb, 2004 17:00 by Gunny Highway
I like the 3rd gear in my car, as it's quite a nice change from 2nd or 4th. Only the other day I was shopping in Tesco, and a batched loaf is only 31p. Excellent value considering the price of petrol.
How many had you had when you wrote that gunny :)
But it all makes sense? 3rd gear is a nice gear, and the price of bread is always good to know, and omg petrol! See female lateral thinking....

or maybe a very large quantity of alcohol.... 8O

am off to see if i was a verbal drunk, hmm
 
#8
Blatantly plagarised from www.nutsmag.co.uk, but spot on

There is a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with TWO monkeys and a woman on board. The ground control centre in the US called: "Monkey number 1, Monkey number 1 to the television screen." The monkey ran to the screen and sat down. The controller then said: "I want you to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature on engine 4 and check the oxygen flow to the reactors." The monkey 'screeched', then jumped up and released the pressure, increased the temperature, and checked the oxygen flow.

A few moments later the ground control centre called again: "Monkey number 2, monkey number 2 to the television screen." The second monkey ran to the screen and sat down. The controller said: "I want you to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, stop the fuel injection to engine 3 and calculate the level of solar radiation." The second monkey 'screeched' jumped up and added the carbon dioxide, stopped the fuel injection and calculated the solar radiation.

A few moments later ground control called again: "Woman, to the television screen. Woman to the television screen." She came to the screen and sat down, and just as the controller was about to tell her what to do she said... "I know, I know! Feed the monkeys, and don't touch anything!"
 
#10
Please note that with the arrival of the new "Drive-thru" cash point
machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their
vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following
procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies
to your own circumstances(i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for
when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE
  • 1 Drive up to the cash machine.
    2 Wind down your car window.
    3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5 Retrieve card, cash, and receipt
    6 Wind up window
    7 Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE
  • 1 Drive up to cash machine
    2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
    3 Re-start the stalled engine
    4 Wind down the window
    5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    6 Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
    7 Attempt to insert card into machine
    8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
    distance from the car
    9 Insert card
    10 Insert card the right way up
    11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
    back page
    12 Enter PIN.
    13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    14 Enter amount of cash required
    15 Re-check make up in rear view mirror
    16 Retrieve cash and receipt
    17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
    18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
    19 Re-check make-up again
    20 Drive forwards 2 metres
    21 Reverse back to cash machine
    22 Retrieve card
    23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
    provided
    24 Re-check make-up
    25 Restart stalled engine and pull off
    26 Drive for 3 to 4 miles
    27 Release hand brake

TTFN

BFG
 
#11
BFG, that was excellent, some day I'll post the things that have happened to me on my driving tests, and you can sit and give thanks I only have a scooter and never passed my test! One less woman on the road.....

Say Amen!
 

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