Me and the rest of the guys from my platoon are out on a field exercise. If you call lying down in a ditch among wet grass, weeds and blackberry bushes exercise. To make it worse weâve been saddled with a bunch of girls. No, I donât mean pansies, I mean your actual female. Women. A dozen or more of them from a transport battalion. Been assigned to us for the week to get a feel for ârealâ soldiering. Got rifles and everything. They had been champing at the bit to start with. Out in the field with a bunch of hard core Marines. That was back at the barracks anyway. Now the stark reality of how we spend alot of our days is beginning to sink in. Theyâre p*ssing and moaning like you wouldnât believe. Itâs cold, itâs wet, my hairs a mess, my make-ups ruined. F*ck me, whoâd want to go war with this bunch? The Sargeants had already been up and down the line telling everyone to be quiet. Weâre supposed to be lying here on a watch, as a prelude to an ambush, on a column of enemy troops. They must have got lost, weâve been here for f*cking hours. For my sins four of the women have been put with me. âLook after them Corporal, keep them out of trouble. Show them how to use the terrain for concealment.â âYes Sarge.â Screw me! How hard can it be to hide inside a wet bush and keep your head down until the bad guys show up? A voice hisses at me from a bush on my left. âCorporal? Corporal are you there?â A female voice. âNo Iâve gone on vacation to Aspen. Of course Iâm f*cking here, where the hell do you think I am?â âIâve got to go,â the voice tells me. âYou what? Go where?â âPee Corporal. I have to pee.â I scratch my head. âYou mean you have to take a leak?â A big sigh from inside the bush. âYes Corporal, thatâs right. I have to take a leak.â I think about this for a moment. âAnd youâre telling me this interesting piece of information becauseâ¦â¦â¦â¦???â âBecause I donât know how to,â she tells me. I lie there and contemplate the enormity of that statement. Iâm not sure what to say to tell you the truth. I mean, here she is, a twenty something woman, telling me she doesnât know how to relieve herself. âUm, Iâm not sure I can help you out in that department. I really think itâs something your Mother should have talked to you about.â âYou f*cking moron, I donât mean I donât know HOW to pee. I mean I donât know how to do it lying inside a bush on a reconnaissance mission. Is there some special technique? An easy way to do it?â Oh I see what sheâs talking about now. âNo,â I reply cheerfully. âThereâs no special way of doing it. Just whip the old fella out and let 'er rip.â Silence for a bit, then; âI donât have an old fella Corporal. I canât lift my leg against a tree or do it standing up either.â Do I really need to know this stuff, I ask myself? âWell your sh*t out of luck then arenât you!â I point out. The last thing I hear from her is. âOh for Gods sake.â A short time later the bush nearby starts to shake and thrash about. Strange moaning sounds come from within. This has not escaped the Sargeâs attention. He comes crawling over to me. âWhatâs all the f*cking noise over here Corporal?â âDonât know. One of the women is trying to take a leak, I think.â The Sarge gives me an odd look and crawls off towards the thrashing bush. A moment later and he stands up and says. âCorporal, come over here and give me a hand for Christâs sake.â The ambush must be over then, I think to myself. I stand upright, trying to get feeling back into numb legs. I go over to the Sarge, peer over his shoulder at the struggling figure below him. I can see a rather nice, naked, pale, female bottom. Itâs covered in scratches and rapidly swelling red spots. The rest of the figure is apparently trapped by a huge blackberry bush. The young lady is crying and moaning and begging us to help her. As far as the Sarge and I can work it out, said female dropped her trousers and drawers and tried to take a leak from a squatting position. On top of a patch of stinging nettles. The shock of being stung on her naked butt propelled her forwards into the blackberry bush. Once wrapped up by the bush she was unable to free herself. Ripped up by a blackberry bush, a butt full of stinging nettle venom, it was all too much for her. She lay there half naked in front of us and worked herself into a hysterical fit of alternate screaming and sobbing. The Sarge and I looked at each other. âIt was never like this in the old days,â the Sarge assured me.