Women and Weightwatchers....You just cant win!!!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by oldcolt, Feb 2, 2010.

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  1. Now I like to consider myself a considerate husband; I do the majority of the cooking, I work hard, I rarely go down to the pub and I keep myself in shape for Mrs OC. Mrs OC is currently on the weight watchers diet as she has put on a few pounds and, consequently, also has a lowered self esteem which has been affecting her libido.

    Sensing that I coul be useful to the love of my life and kill two birds with one stone as it were, I worked out that my man juice (having had the snip) counts as zero points on her diet and that not only can she have as much of this as she wants BUT that the calories burned in rumpy pumpy actually counts as bonus points OFF her total weekly allowance!

    I thought I was on to a 'win win' situation as annoying corporate trainers would say but, as I write this from my hospital bed, I am struggling to see where I went wrong :?
     
  2. You forgot that you need to introduce exotic flavours, milking you off into the blender and adding delicious fruity ingredients should help.
     
  3. aah now...what you forgot is that it's salty!! Salt causes water-retention and makes us swell up like a 5ft 6 tampon!!
     
  4. The trick here was to recognise the "also has a lowered self esteem" and substitute hormonal imbalance, feeling irritable and deprived of chocolate. If you had done that you wouldn't have ended up in hospital.
     
  5. Now you should have taken my approach, when shes sleeping tie the b*tch to the bed and force her to burn those calories by smashing her pasty in.
     
  6. Why did you bother asking her first? A true man would take charge and present her with a fait accompli.

    In her milkshake.
     
  7. All that not needed if you eat loads and loads of fruit. Your man-juice tastes like a fruity cocktail.
     
  8. Could get very nasty if I slipped forward at the crucial moment whilst the blades were turning... :omfg:
     
  9. That's another thing that gets on my tits, every fat fucking women who go off on one saying that it's fluid retention 8O that's the latest bloody excuse. Try pie and choccy retention you lardy cunt.
     
  10. I don't retain choccy and pies....i shite em out to make room for more!!!
     
  11. Easy to tell the difference, if expansion is on the tummy, it's water retention; on the hips/bum it's pie and choccy retention. 8)
     
  12. Pah admit it, that's what really happened and you're now in a hospital bed prevaricating.
     
  13. Just tell her that you don't mind her having a few extra pounds, in-fact you find chubby lasses quite a turn on.

    How can she see any wrong with that?
     
  14. Christ, not much experience with women?
    She'll go screaming banshee "SO YOU DO THINK I'M FAT YOU PRICK?" But I like a bit of chub on me women "AND LOOK AT YOU, YOU BASTARD. YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY BRAD PITT. SO YOU'RE ALSO SAYING YOU DON'T MIND SHIT STANDARDS, IS THAT WHY YOU TOOK A SHINE TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?"....
     
  15. Funny that, since blokes get their chub on the tum. Aren't you a bloke? Spidey sense was tingling there, fuck knows why 8O