Woman trouble

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My problem is that her indoors has being causing problems, for the past few months ignoring me except when she wants something and has being messing about with regards the household budget,

we had a deal I pay the mortgage and co-ownership and aprox £35 to £40 pounds a week on Chinese takeaways, she looks after food electric and gas, she pays, or should say paid £200 a month into my bank account and I return this at £50 a week to help her budget, last April her payments stopped, didn't discover this till start of sept, I got a little annoyed at this, it wasn't the money it was the deceit so I slept on the sofa that night, next day she demands the £50 I don't cough up.

Now this past two months this has escalated and I'm now being completely blanked, come home from work no dinner, she has refused to speak to me for two months, refuses to wash any of my clothes, I've slept in the spare room since this has started

Now I've found out that she's got a little plan going on, she is going to set her lawyer on me, I'm being accused of been abusive by not speaking, it's her not talking to me, her plan is to grab 40% of my earnings and get occupancy of the house, she doesn't know that I've found out her plans

We have two kids together and have lived together since 2003, recently she had problems with alcohol abuse and caused me mega problems but I stood by here and done everything I could to help, I felt I could trust her but now she has all this planned she is going to try and make me homeless and cripple me financially, a letter from a lawyer arrived last sat I haven't opened it, what's the point I can't afford a lawyer to fight this and won't get legal aid

Anyone got any ideas what I should do, I recon I'm up the malodorous creek without a means of propulsion
 

verticalgyro

MIA
DirtyBAT
1. You say you can't afford a lawyer - I say you can't afford to not have a lawyer.

2. You don't say if you're married or not. If you are, then you're getting divorced - it doesn't matter what her reasons are or whatever, the whole "I'm being accused of been abusive by not speaking" is bollocks - just say "Ok, let's get divorced" and tell her you've been ******* a fit young chick, file it under adultery, it doesn't matter either way!

3. You have children - the only thing you will be forced to pay for is for the children - the whole myth that a man has to keep his ex in the manner blah blah blah is just that - a myth. You will only have to pay for your children once divorced, not her nor her lifestyle. She's a mong if she doesn't realise this. So either get ready to be the full time dad and have the kids yourself full time and boot her out of the house, or accept the fact that if she gets custody you will have to pay her an amount of cash for your childrens upkeep.

4. It doesn't matter who pays what or who owned what on coming into the marriage. All assets (including pensions etc) and importantly all debts are 50/50.

5. Get a solicitor and enjoy making her pay for being such a witch.

When I split with my wife I went through the stage you are in now - worrying that I'll be taken to the cleaners. Remember that women threw themselves under horses for equal rights - and now they have them, so smile and **** her over.
 

ACAB

LE
Yep, what V_G said. You NEED a Lawyer or you will be fucked over big style. As far as your missis goes, this sounds like a Baldrick 'Cunning Plan' with probably as much thought gone into it, so be aware and don't fall for it.
 
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verticalgyro

MIA
DirtyBAT
Oh and most Solicitors first hour is free, so get down and discuss it with them - take the letter you have with you, they'll explain the process and what you need to do.

Try and get a female divorce solicitor, they're like triple bitches and will enjoy seeing another woman off.

Also, bear in mind the Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to give free advice initially, but at some point you'll need a solicitor. They'll put you on a retainer fee with a standing order (typically £500 per month) to ensure that any particularly messy months with regards to letters, court etc doesn't wipe you out. Any difference you'll get back so you can go on a Divorce Party - I got about 3k back at the end but my ex had a shit solicitor and mine walked all over her.

Your mileage may vary, and I know it's a bit daunting, a bit scary, and you're feeling very lonely at the moment, but get ready for a fight and remember there is life after it - without a money thieving witch.

That's why divorces are so reassuringly expensive - because they're worth it.
 
The first thing I would do is request that this thread be moved to the NAAFI... for some really imaginative solutions... like patio conversions and extended holidays in... er... Brazil? She sounds a hoot.

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jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
£40 a week on Chinese takeaways? That's £2k a year, Christ why throw money away when she could have been cooking.
 

NSP

LE
You could also learn how to use the washing machine, which would solve one of the problems you cite. Learning to cook and eschewing the take-aways would cover another.

Flippant sarcasm aside, if I were you then I'd be seriously inclined to heed Vertical Gyro's responses and other advice with regard to consulting a female solicitor who's built her practice on divorce law.

It sounds like your other half has been quietly plotting and manoeuvring to bug out taking everything but the boxer shorts you happen to leap out of bed wearing the day she springs it on you.

Counter-plan, as has essentially been suggested. And good luck.
 
Oh and most Solicitors first hour is free, so get down and discuss it with them - take the letter you have with you, they'll explain the process and what you need to do.

Try and get a female divorce solicitor, they're like triple bitches and will enjoy seeing another woman off.

Also, bear in mind the Citizens Advice Bureau will be able to give free advice initially, but at some point you'll need a solicitor. They'll put you on a retainer fee with a standing order (typically £500 per month) to ensure that any particularly messy months with regards to letters, court etc doesn't wipe you out. Any difference you'll get back so you can go on a Divorce Party - I got about 3k back at the end but my ex had a shit solicitor and mine walked all over her.

Your mileage may vary, and I know it's a bit daunting, a bit scary, and you're feeling very lonely at the moment, but get ready for a fight and remember there is life after it - without a money thieving witch.

That's why divorces are so reassuringly expensive - because they're worth it.
Not often that I agree with you but this is bloody good advice and my sympathies to the OP


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J

JWBenett

Guest
Good advice here already. Maybe gen up on other important stuff https://www.gov.uk/browse/births-deaths-marriages/marriage-divorce

It'll be overwhelming but hold yourself together. If it's not rescuable don't do or say anything she can use against you. Don 't abandon your joint chattels and don't give cause for claims you forfeited rights to your home and with the kids. The kids will need support if their world crashes. They will remember what you do now as well as choosing to stick by you in later years. Or not.

See if you have a bolt hole mate as for many reasons you won't want to be homeless. Wives can be ruthless so expect a ton of shite if she's serious. They take their men down with their relationship. On the other hand we only have one side here. See a brief for a free session, hide your personal valuables and anything that might be burned or boiled or cut up . Have a beer with a neutral mate and lock all your gadgets.

Edited on the phone.
 
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Get a diary and log everything. Contemporaneous notes are worth their weight in gold.

Always keep a dictaphone on you and be prepared to use it when required.

Make she doesn't find the stuff or you're stuffed.

Never answer her back and as soon as she starts kicking off. Start the dictaphone then ring plod because chances are she'll use 'domestic violence' to destroy you. You don't even need to be convicted in the criminal courts, just arrested and you're pretty much screwed in the family courts.

If you do find yourself getting arrested, pray to god you had your dictaphone on you running. Keep schtumn and wait it out in the cells while the police collect her statements then give the evidence to the police (it'll be in your property in the custody suite anyway). Insist they take action when they find her out (attempting to pervert the course of justice or wasting police time at the bare minimum) just a caution shall be enough to see you right in the family courts.

Think I'm joking about the above? The way she's already going mate, once her solicitor paints her a realistic picture she'll be advised what can be done if she is a victim of domestic violence and then it's only a matter of time before you have non-molestation orders/ civil injunctions/ restraining orders/ social services/ remanded into prison and then fighting for years to see your kids.

Protect yourself and your kids mate, pronto.
 
Get a diary and log everything. Contemporaneous notes are worth their weight in gold.

Always keep a dictaphone on you and be prepared to use it when required.

Make she doesn't find the stuff or you're stuffed.

Never answer her back and as soon as she starts kicking off. Start the dictaphone then ring plod because chances are she'll use 'domestic violence' to destroy you. You don't even need to be convicted in the criminal courts, just arrested and you're pretty much screwed in the family courts.

If you do find yourself getting arrested, pray to god you had your dictaphone on you running. Keep schtumn and wait it out in the cells while the police collect her statements then give the evidence to the police (it'll be in your property in the custody suite anyway). Insist they take action when they find her out (attempting to pervert the course of justice or wasting police time at the bare minimum) just a caution shall be enough to see you right in the family courts.

Think I'm joking about the above? The way she's already going mate, once her solicitor paints her a realistic picture she'll be advised what can be done if she is a victim of domestic violence and then it's only a matter of time before you have non-molestation orders/ civil injunctions/ restraining orders/ social services/ remanded into prison and then fighting for years to see your kids.

Protect yourself and your kids mate, pronto.

Let's hope it doesn't come to this. It's also a good idea to send emails to a trusted mate so that you can prove that notes were contemporaneous.
Le


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Make sure your solicitor not only gets full financial disclosure from her but also goes through it extremely cynically.

This being a cunning plan she's been salting away a load of money and/or other assets and will concurrently plead poverty and argue that she's contributed the lion's share to the household.
 
You could always go the unconventional way ,if possible get the biggest loan possible against the house and draw it in cash and stash it, personal loans as well ,get loads of credit cards and max them out , sell the car , tv ,dog etc absolutely everything when shes out, ,tell your boss you need a sabbatical then do a runner , leave her a photo of a two fingered salute.Job Done.
 
There is something faintly sorrowful in the fact that so many people on here seem to have so much experience with this.
 

verticalgyro

MIA
DirtyBAT
There is something faintly sorrowful in the fact that so many people on here seem to have so much experience with this.

Something to do with women being totally crazy batshit mental who will do anything to not work and ruin a man. The more honest and hardworking the bloke is, the worse women are, they can sense it, like a Lioness looking for the weaker animal in the herd.
 
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