Woman speak


Just out of curiosity,what three words,spoken by a woman,upset you the most?I will start with "Are you in?"
Stop raping me.

(I'm going to hell for that one)
Stop it hurts
Who was that?
Not that hole...
No chance mate..
I love you
Am I fat?

Ok so maybe they dont hurt me, but they do annoy the hell out of me :D


Stop, no, don't.
Put it where?
No blow jobs.
Cook your own...
Do it yourself.
Where's my present?


I love you
Is this alright?

Immediately you must reply, though carefully expressed with "Yes, it really suits you." Any hesitation is fatal and results in a private viewing of othe 200 or so items of feminine wear which apparantly consistitues "nothing to wear", deprivation of sexual privileges for up to fourteen days and being anywhere up to two hours late for whatever it was you were dressing up for.


War Hero
I know its four but 'what do you think?''

Like she really gives a sh1t.

And if you go to the trouble of honestly expressing your opinion, stand by!
'Im ready now'
Normally swiftly followed by
'Phone a taxi'
This is merely a ruse by woman kind to fool you into a false sense of security. It is a diversion tactic to make a man stop asking 'are you ready yet?' or 'come on we're going to be late'
Do not be fooled by this tactic, sit down, have a brew whilst the woman completes the mammoth task of applying makeup, straightening hair etc.

Then when the taxi has finally arrived after many arguments, changes of dress and realising you are no longer going to arrive fashionably late, just plain old shite timekeeping late, these words ,which should strike fear into any mans heart are often heard...........

'I cant find...........'

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