Woke up This morning......

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by MrShanklysboots, Oct 30, 2010.

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  1. Instead of a throbbing erection, I found naught but a flaccid apology of a penis. I decided to cuddle in to the lucky woman sharing my bed and she denied my advances. This quite simply isn't allowed and I informed her of this. She proceeded to disrespect me further and rather than argue I meekly acquiesced and felt my lip wobble.

    More importantly I didn't beat the snot out of her for doing so! Discombobulated by this turn of events I made my way to the bathroom and signally failed to have my shit squared away in 5 minutes flat, then I decided that I wanted to have muesli for breakfast, despite previously dismissing it as the work of the Devil.

    This is my first day as civvie for 24 years. Please tell me they get better.
     
  2. So you will have the joy of Saturday morning shopping to look foreward too? Rangoon!
     
  3. Nope.All downhill now to your premature death which comes as a blessed relief.
     
  4. I just hope you've got a shed, otherwise you're rooted. I don't have a shed, but I'm not married either, so it's a fair trade, I reckon.

    No shed.

    No prospect of one, either.
     
  5. Welcome to hell I woke up a civvie 8 years ago and it never gets better good luck ..........
     
  6. The good news: You awoke this morning; many didn't.

    The bad news: Rejection; if it's yout home, boot her out.

    I'm afraid you will find - eventually - your rammer will morph into an acorn.

    Sorry, but there you are.
     
  7. terrible times ahead for you.
     
  8. He's gone all quiet; should we fear the worst, or is he off buying the latest Bentley convertible and flirting with the secretary?
     
  9. BlotBangRub part Two?
     
  10. buy urself a good waney lap shed, prep a good few flaggons of the finest home brew, stock up with a wide range of adult reading, affix sturdy padlock to door, drink, and indulge in flogging ones flacid manservent,
    wake up from drunken deborchery affix pants, wipe off vomit and or white powdery residue, emerge from the kingdom of man a well and happy chap....................
     
  11. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned sh*ds, he might be curled up in his in a foetal position, weeping bitterly...
     
  12. p.s the ta are still recruiting, come and join the men in sheds,,,,
     
  13. It's what you make of it. You should measure your current success by the strength of your morning erection, I woke in my childhood bedroom this morning after some big eats at mums with a frightening looking meaty staff, i was temporarily transported back to 1992 as I attempted to silenty wank it to conclusion on a creaky futon. All that was missing was a nirvana tape playing and a pair of my elder sisters tiny black knickers draped over my face after fishing them out of the dhobi basket after she'd staggered in from a night of sweaty dancing.
     
  14. piffel ! did father ask if you needed a hand with it ?
     
  15. Hardly, he is nine months cold and six foot under in a pokey little cemetary in southern Ireland.

    It wasn't cancer.