Woif Skiffing - Because you'll need to get used 2 the smell

#1
Well, Mrs. Woo just shoved a finger up her frontie and forced me to bag a whiff and in my book that's a skiff.

Therefore, I fully intend to skiff the woif with maximum scatalogical impact.

In this matter, gentles, am I not CORRECT and I speak as the husband of this Colonial, finger-happy (standing next to me) lovely lassy?

TW
 
#2
She is clearly a class act......

If she were mine I'd leather her and make her eat a box of sand just to remind her that her front bottom isn't to be used as a weapon.

You are absolutley right to retaliate with a scoop of hoop mud.... I'd be tempted to bend her fingers back or saw her feet off until she begged for it though...

You have loosed the reigns too much and strict discipline and the blackening of eyes is the onyl way forward....
 
#3
My dear fellow,

I am sadly unable to reply since TW2 is still hats orf and w.out coffee.

Will let you know t.row when have had a bath.

TW

yep - she just slapped me again. Excellent.
 
#4
trickywoo56 said:
Well, Mrs. Woo just shoved a finger up her frontie and forced me to bag a whiff and in my book that's a skiff.
Strictly speaking a skiff should contain "fecal matter, matted anal hair, fetid anus stench or parts thereof"
In the true manner of the skiff, you have, in fact, not been skiffed. You have rather just indulged in what is known in military circles as "the sniff test" or in the DB household as "foreplay"
 
#5
DB has a valid point....

A skiff shouldn't be cheapened and down valued...

a chick poking her own fish socket and rubbing it on yer tache simply isn't a skiff. Tell her to sink her finger in her claypit and drag it along yoru top lip coolly chanting 'Skiffffff' then comeback and start again
 
#6
Hadn't realised the historical implications - if I do her up the wrong 'un and then skiff myself with anything RGB on the bell end afterwards does that count as a fair one?
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#7
trickywoo56 said:
Hadn't realised the historical implications - if I do her up the wrong 'un and then skiff myself with anything RGB on the bell end afterwards does that count as a fair one?
Self-Skiff ? A definite no-no !

To deliver a proper Skiff is to perform a time-honoured and particularly deep & meaningful work of art, it must never be demeaned to some pitiful level of self-abuse.

If you deliver the remnants clinging onto your bell-end to Mrs TW it's not a real Skiff either, as it counts as part of that girlie post-coital huggy, lovey kissy thing.
 
#8
The single digit skiff is a bit girly in my opinion. A proper "crevassing" involves drawing the whole outter edge of the hand down the trench, and then proceeding to give a whole face skiff, Tango man stylee, in the shape of a "Z" from the eyebrows, across the nose and then under the nose. Accept no imitations. :D
If done properly, the Victim will never enjoy another night of untroubled sleep until the day they die. :D
 
#9
eustonscot said:
In English. What's a fcuking skiff?

A single finger is inserted into the anal margin, and manipulated in order to collect as much anal debris as possible. The Skiffer then places himself downwind of his potential victim, and manoeuvres so as to position himself behind and within half an arms length of the victim. When the opportunity presents itself, the Poo-encrusted finger is drawn slowly and lovingly between the Victim's Proboscis and his upper lip. As this is being done, the Skiffer croons "Skiffffffffffffff...." into the Skiffee's ear, in the tender manner of a lover, as in truth they are at that moment sharing something that few lovers ever experience.
An expertly executed Skiff will leave a moustache-like smear of foecal matter across the Skiffee's lip, and ideally will have him in therapy until his eightieth birthday. :D
 
#10
bernoulli said:
An expertly executed Skiff will leave a moustache-like smear of foecal matter across the Skiffee's lip, and ideally will have him in therapy until his eightieth birthday. :D
Think Bernoulli ment 'her' - unless I have the wrong assumptions :) :)
 
#12
MyssL said:
bernoulli said:
An expertly executed Skiff will leave a moustache-like smear of foecal matter across the Skiffee's lip, and ideally will have him in therapy until his eightieth birthday. :D
Think Bernoulli ment 'her' - unless I have the wrong assumptions :) :)
You don't get it. A skiff is not a sexual act, and indeed, no gentleman Skiffs a lady; it is traditionally an act of gross revenge or initiation, and as such is a form of male bonding. Think on, young lady...

PS
I would like to refer you all to the written references.

http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn/index.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=5666&highlight=skiffing
 
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#13
bernoulli said:
You don't get it. A skiff is not a sexual act, and indeed, no gentleman Skiffs a lady; it is traditionally an act of gross revenge or initiation, and as such is a form of male bonding. Think on, young lady...
Damn right Berni.

An appropriate example might be that you find yourself standing at the next urinal stall to Geoff Hoon in the pub. He might look across at you, grinning weakly and thinking, 'Feck, he looks like a squaddie, I hope he doesn't say anything nasty to me which will make me cry!'. Then, when he sees you buttoning up and preparing to leave, he will relax and the urine will begin to flow again, at which point, as you pass behind him: fingers into the undercrackers and slather the shite over his top lip. Then give him a manly pat on the shoulder, look him straight in the eye, and give him the bad news: 'SKIFF!'
 
#14
chickenpunk said:
bernoulli said:
You don't get it. A skiff is not a sexual act, and indeed, no gentleman Skiffs a lady; it is traditionally an act of gross revenge or initiation, and as such is a form of male bonding. Think on, young lady...
Damn right Berni.

An appropriate example might be that you find yourself standing at the next urinal stall to Geoff Hoon in the pub. He might look across at you, grinning weakly and thinking, 'Feck, he looks like a squaddie, I hope he doesn't say anything nasty to me which will make me cry!'. Then, when he sees you buttoning up and preparing to leave, he will relax and the urine will begin to flow again, at which point, as you pass behind him: fingers into the undercrackers and slather the shite over his top lip. Then give him a manly pat on the shoulder, look him straight in the eye, and give him the bad news: 'SKIFF!'
TCH desrves special treatment. If you have your dog with you why not load up the fingers in the mutts hoop and "Wolf Skiff" him for more devastating effect. Although given the look of your hound chickenpunk you might have to say goodbye to your arm :lol:
 
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#15
Ozgerbobble said:
chickenpunk said:
bernoulli said:
You don't get it. A skiff is not a sexual act, and indeed, no gentleman Skiffs a lady; it is traditionally an act of gross revenge or initiation, and as such is a form of male bonding. Think on, young lady...
Damn right Berni.

An appropriate example might be that you find yourself standing at the next urinal stall to Geoff Hoon in the pub. He might look across at you, grinning weakly and thinking, 'Feck, he looks like a squaddie, I hope he doesn't say anything nasty to me which will make me cry!'. Then, when he sees you buttoning up and preparing to leave, he will relax and the urine will begin to flow again, at which point, as you pass behind him: fingers into the undercrackers and slather the shite over his top lip. Then give him a manly pat on the shoulder, look him straight in the eye, and give him the bad news: 'SKIFF!'
TCH desrves special treatment. If you have your dog with you why not load up the fingers in the mutts hoop and "Wolf Skiff" him for more devastating effect. Although given the look of your hound chickenpunk you might have to say goodbye to your arm :lol:
My dog specialises in a form of covert 'wolf skiff' with which it has got me several times. Basically, it either troughs some baby turd out of a carelessly discarded disposable nappy (ie, one that hasn't been locked in a feckin Chubb safe), or it spends some time assiduously self-rimming, before jumping up and applying a affectionate tongue to to the face. As you imply, it's a big fierce looking beast and most victims are prepared to accept a nice doggy-kiss rather than have their appendages ripped off by a disgruntled bull terrier, miffed that its advances have been spurned. As the dog then scuttles of to its lair, sniggering evilly, the victims then begin to cotton on to what their face full of dog spit smells like.
 
#16
Must admit that some time ago I was Girley Skiffed by my sister-in-law at the time now ex!! but wasn't until far later that I realised that in some parts this is a chat up tactic!! offering said c*unt on a plate!!!!! Wish i had known that at the time, would have given me some serious ammunition to throw at the wayward wife just after decree absolute!!!!!! By the way I sha**ed your sister would have been great!!!!! So beware!!! Girley skiffing may in some cases be the prelude to a good session!!!!

D.D. :wink: :twisted:
 
#17
A SKIFFFF IS NOT A SEXUAL ACT????!!

Jeys-us gentlemen, what did your mothers teach you? A skiff is the quintessential act of two lovers, the final breaking of barriers and forging of bonds. If and when I ever sell-out and get married there'll be no exchanging of rings, but instead an exchange of ring debris. We will walk happily down the isle with two gert big droopy gringo 'taches made from each others' muck. I'm getting choked-up just thinking about it...

The scatalogical revenge you're thinking of, and the most appropriate course of action for Mr Trickywoo, is the SKEFF.

It's like a skiff in all but the application of the tagnuts themselves. Skeff goes beyond the nasal assault and mere dermal application; it delivers the matted tangleberries and pellets DIRECTLY INTO THE MOUTH. It's best done whilst your victim is gonking agape in the back of a 4-tonner, or monging in front of the TV. Stealth is the tool of the master skeffer. Your victim shouldn't know he/she is about to "eat lead" until the metallic taste and sickening texture sends the synapses into red alert.

And to clarify a further point, gentlemen should refrain from skeffing a lady unless she REALLY deserves it. In your case Tricky woo: Weapons free - skeff away big man.
 
#18
doctordeath said:
Must admit that some time ago I was Girley Skiffed by my sister-in-law at the time now ex!! but wasn't until far later that I realised that in some parts this is a chat up tactic!! offering said c*unt on a plate!!!!! Wish i had known that at the time, would have given me some serious ammunition to throw at the wayward wife just after decree absolute!!!!!! By the way I sha**ed your sister would have been great!!!!! So beware!!! Girley skiffing may in some cases be the prelude to a good session!!!!

D.D. :wink: :twisted:
Very direct 8O

For the sake of accuracy I think your experience should be termed a "Kipper skiff" :wink:
 
#20
I don't suppose that this would be catagorised as a skiff per se but the dynamics are similar;

Many moons ago, I shared a 3 man room in N. Ireland. Occupant number two ( Kenny ) had a deep rooted passion for humping scaggs and scutters. Occupant three ( Scottie ) was an inbred a - hole from the Outer Hebredies who had a severe snoring problem.

One particular day, Kenny had just returned from the medical centre with a spring in his step and pus dripping from his old boy. He had recently been nuts deep in a young "virgin" from the WRAC and fallen foul of non specific urintheritis or NSU to the TLA lovers.

This affliction was a badge of honour to Kenny but did have its drawbacks, the main one being the foul smelling substance leaking out of him.
Kenny always slept naked and his disease meant that his bed sheet was becoming attached to his bell end. The solution was easy.....use a wad of bog roll to wedge under the foreskin thus sealing up the offending area!

This is where Scottie enters the tale. As earlier stated Scottie had a snoring problem (admittedly more of a problem for myself and Kenny) because he was a fat lazy sloth. On the evening of Kenny's diagnosis he was having his usual 14 hours kip, mouth wide open, dribbling and honking away. Kenny was having ergonomic difficuties with his Andrex plug so decided to remove it for closer inspection. It resembled a micro Ginsters pasty but with more filling, albeit more fish based than meat. " This needs replacing" said Kenny and with one swift movement deposited the offending item in Scottie's open mouth.
Scottie gave a small cough, swallowed and carried on snoring. Kenny chuckled to himself and lit a fag as if he'd just enjoyed a sex act. I retched and heaved till I felt pain in my testicles :D

Not strictly skiffing but one of the most nauseating spectacles I have seen to this day. Poo on your top lip.....Ha, I laugh at poo on your top lip! :D
 

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