Woif Skiffing - Because you'll need to get used 2 the smell

Discussion in 'Now That's What I Call NAAFI Bar' started by trickywoo56, Dec 2, 2004.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Well, Mrs. Woo just shoved a finger up her frontie and forced me to bag a whiff and in my book that's a skiff.

    Therefore, I fully intend to skiff the woif with maximum scatalogical impact.

    In this matter, gentles, am I not CORRECT and I speak as the husband of this Colonial, finger-happy (standing next to me) lovely lassy?

  2. She is clearly a class act......

    If she were mine I'd leather her and make her eat a box of sand just to remind her that her front bottom isn't to be used as a weapon.

    You are absolutley right to retaliate with a scoop of hoop mud.... I'd be tempted to bend her fingers back or saw her feet off until she begged for it though...

    You have loosed the reigns too much and strict discipline and the blackening of eyes is the onyl way forward....
  3. My dear fellow,

    I am sadly unable to reply since TW2 is still hats orf and w.out coffee.

    Will let you know t.row when have had a bath.


    yep - she just slapped me again. Excellent.
  4. Strictly speaking a skiff should contain "fecal matter, matted anal hair, fetid anus stench or parts thereof"
    In the true manner of the skiff, you have, in fact, not been skiffed. You have rather just indulged in what is known in military circles as "the sniff test" or in the DB household as "foreplay"
  5. DB has a valid point....

    A skiff shouldn't be cheapened and down valued...

    a chick poking her own fish socket and rubbing it on yer tache simply isn't a skiff. Tell her to sink her finger in her claypit and drag it along yoru top lip coolly chanting 'Skiffffff' then comeback and start again
  6. Hadn't realised the historical implications - if I do her up the wrong 'un and then skiff myself with anything RGB on the bell end afterwards does that count as a fair one?
  7. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Self-Skiff ? A definite no-no !

    To deliver a proper Skiff is to perform a time-honoured and particularly deep & meaningful work of art, it must never be demeaned to some pitiful level of self-abuse.

    If you deliver the remnants clinging onto your bell-end to Mrs TW it's not a real Skiff either, as it counts as part of that girlie post-coital huggy, lovey kissy thing.
  8. The single digit skiff is a bit girly in my opinion. A proper "crevassing" involves drawing the whole outter edge of the hand down the trench, and then proceeding to give a whole face skiff, Tango man stylee, in the shape of a "Z" from the eyebrows, across the nose and then under the nose. Accept no imitations. :D
    If done properly, the Victim will never enjoy another night of untroubled sleep until the day they die. :D

  9. A single finger is inserted into the anal margin, and manipulated in order to collect as much anal debris as possible. The Skiffer then places himself downwind of his potential victim, and manoeuvres so as to position himself behind and within half an arms length of the victim. When the opportunity presents itself, the Poo-encrusted finger is drawn slowly and lovingly between the Victim's Proboscis and his upper lip. As this is being done, the Skiffer croons "Skiffffffffffffff...." into the Skiffee's ear, in the tender manner of a lover, as in truth they are at that moment sharing something that few lovers ever experience.
    An expertly executed Skiff will leave a moustache-like smear of foecal matter across the Skiffee's lip, and ideally will have him in therapy until his eightieth birthday. :D
  10. Think Bernoulli ment 'her' - unless I have the wrong assumptions :) :)
  11. That's what worried me. Anyway, just tried it with me Julie (Sally) No dice. "I'm tired"
  12. You don't get it. A skiff is not a sexual act, and indeed, no gentleman Skiffs a lady; it is traditionally an act of gross revenge or initiation, and as such is a form of male bonding. Think on, young lady...

    I would like to refer you all to the written references.

  13. Damn right Berni.

    An appropriate example might be that you find yourself standing at the next urinal stall to Geoff Hoon in the pub. He might look across at you, grinning weakly and thinking, 'Feck, he looks like a squaddie, I hope he doesn't say anything nasty to me which will make me cry!'. Then, when he sees you buttoning up and preparing to leave, he will relax and the urine will begin to flow again, at which point, as you pass behind him: fingers into the undercrackers and slather the shite over his top lip. Then give him a manly pat on the shoulder, look him straight in the eye, and give him the bad news: 'SKIFF!'
  14. TCH desrves special treatment. If you have your dog with you why not load up the fingers in the mutts hoop and "Wolf Skiff" him for more devastating effect. Although given the look of your hound chickenpunk you might have to say goodbye to your arm :lol:
  15. My dog specialises in a form of covert 'wolf skiff' with which it has got me several times. Basically, it either troughs some baby turd out of a carelessly discarded disposable nappy (ie, one that hasn't been locked in a feckin Chubb safe), or it spends some time assiduously self-rimming, before jumping up and applying a affectionate tongue to to the face. As you imply, it's a big fierce looking beast and most victims are prepared to accept a nice doggy-kiss rather than have their appendages ripped off by a disgruntled bull terrier, miffed that its advances have been spurned. As the dog then scuttles of to its lair, sniggering evilly, the victims then begin to cotton on to what their face full of dog spit smells like.