here are some very true phrases

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."


A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts "this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds
to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off
his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head
and shouts.. "Did anybody else here see my face?".

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and
goes over and shoots him in the head also.

"Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a
distant corner..

"I think my missus caught a glimpse...."


ha ha class


I work on this rule with Mrs Unemployable!

Rule 1 she is always right.
Rule 2 if she is ever wrong, Rule 1 applies!


Wives........fcuk 'em (your own of course) :)
kes1 said:
hmm...you all adore your wives/girlfriends and wouldn't change anything about them, go on admit it ;)

Well apart from......


War Hero
Reminds me of a Bernanrd Manning joke I heard once -

Fella talking to his mate said "I've had a lot of bad luck with marriages. I wouldn't get married again, I've been married twice and never again!". "Why?" asks his mate, "Well my first wife died eating poison mushrooms and the second wife died of a fractued skull" his mate asks "fractured skull, how?", "she wouldnt eat her mushrooms" replies the first lad.
Couple married for 90 years die in a traffic accident. St Peter meets them at the pearly gates. Welcome to heaven, says he. You have been a wonderfull couple, an example to all. You were married 50 years and never a cross word. Madam, here is your celestial platignum credit card, the best department stores in the universe are yours for shopping in - and you never have to pay the card back. Here also is your beautiful house with swimming pool and grounds (the pool boy will give you a good seeing to when you need it - dont worry your husband will never object, for this is heaven). And you sir, you are the MD of your company now and you have an obscenely large salary. You are chairman of the best golf club in the universe (oh and your beautifull secretary swallows and has amazing tits - but dont worry, your wife will never complain for this is heaven).

The old man turns to his wife and says " you stupid cnut!"

"Whats the matter with you?" She gasps.

"If it wasnt for you and your low fat, high fibre fukcing diet, we'd have been here ten years ago".
Ilie Năstase once had his credit card stolen but didn't report it for almost a week. When his PA asked him why he took so long to report it he replied "I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
I was very happy with my wife for years until her husband found out.

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