Wives at sandhurst

#1
Afternoon,

I am sure that this is not a common problem but am sure there are others in the same boat. I am currently engaged to my longterm girlfriend, more than likely will get married after comissioning. I was wondering how accomodation panned out while at Sandhurst, and whether anyone else was in a similar situation.

My partner is a school teacher and we already live nearby outside Guildford. Is it a sort of in the second term you can go home for weekends etc?

How much are we likely to see eachother etc.

Appologies if this belongs in a different section, but did not think the discussions about married quarters was relevant to 44 weeks at the Factory.

Thanks for any advice
 
#2
The straight answer is that you will be expected to live in during the entire time at RMAS. If you are married you will not be allowed to live in your MQ (you won't get a MQ unless you are a soldier undertaking the course, anyway).

How you manage your time in the 2nd and 3rd term is entirely up to you. As long as you book in and out correctly and turn up on time in the right kit and have done everything required of you, no one will give a rat's arrse.

PS you will be billed for the room whether you use it or not!
 
#3
Thanks for clearing this up, pretty much as I thought anyway as far as second third term etc, we already have a house so MQ is not so important.

Are there many in this boat?
 
#4
I was a wife in the same situation, and it was, still is and will always be very hard. My husband sometimes found it difficult to fit in as he tried to spend most of his free time at home. There were not many in the same situation in his intake, I knew of only two other wives. Sandurst is not geared up for married OCdts. I remember that all welcoming speeches directed to guests mentioned every other close relative, friends, partners but not spouses.
 
#5
If your missus is in Guildford, you will get to see her far more than many of your mates. Obviously first Five weeks is not an option, but surprisingly you will be able to get out on quite a few weekends in the First Term. In Second and Third Term your evening time is your own, but you may find that it is easier to stay in camp during the week as there is still admin to be getting on with, and you will miss out on some of the banter with the rest of your platoon.
In fairness, spending time away form your missus is something that you will both have to get used to as Sandhurst is as good as any method to get used to being away from your partner.
I sustained a relationeship throughout RMAS and got married (to the same girl) about a year after Commsioning. Enjoy!
 
#6
Red_Fraggle, are you my wife? :wink:

I got married while I was at RMAS. I had to see my Pl Comd, my Coy Comd and the College Comd, who all tried to persuade me that it was a bad idea. But I did it anyway and I didn't detect any noticeable reduction in my efficiency. Quite the opposite, in fact. My fiancee/wife, lived in Reading and, after the first five weeks, I was able to make it home about every other weekend. On the weekends when I couldn't make it but wasn't otherwise freezing my nads off on a training area somewhere, she would come down on the Sunday and we spent the day with friends in similar situations.

The only downside to it that I've detected was that I've never lived in the Mess as a singly and so never had that period of convenience and disposable income that others did. But Mess life - I assured - isn't what it was, so I probably didn't lose much.

IF
 
#7
IF,

You omit any reference to being a (future?) PMC/OC that has never lived in a mess. Will you be able to empathise with your future livers in?

IdeasFactory said:
The only downside to it that I've detected was that I've never lived in the Mess as a singly and so never had that period of convenience and disposable income that others did. But Mess life - I assured - isn't what it was, so I probably didn't lose much.

IF
Judging by the above, I suspect not....
 
#8
LEs and other former ORs excepted, subalterns shouldn't be married, never mind Officer Cadets.

If you are doing your job properly, your spouse will be neglected, and if you're looking after your marriage, then you won't be looking after your troops.

You cannot be a good subaltern AND a good husband/wife - can't be done.

And subalterns should be required to live in - that is how you become part of the family.
 
#9
If getting married at Sandhurts isn't bad enough it will get worse when you pass out....


Married subalterns - harumph

Stinking bean stealing pads won't talk to you and the other subbies will be on the ming whilst you are doing your shelving or trying to get your wife to believe that you really are the orderly officer on "date night".

You'll see.
 
#10
IF,

You omit any reference to being a (future?) PMC/OC that has never lived in a mess. Will you be able to empathise with your future livers in?
Well, as I haven't experienced that particular drawback (yet) I didn't feel qualified to comment on it, but it's a valid point. Mind you, a fair proportion of the Sgts & WOs Mess members are married before they enter the Mess and they don't seem to have a problem "empathizing" with the LIMs.

And what was it that seems to have offended you? The fact that I think LIMs have "disposable income" or the fact that I'm told that Mess life isn't what it was? It sounds like you have a problem with your PMC, so I suggest you take it up with him instead of making futile attacks at me.

IF
 
#11
IdeasFactory said:
Red_Fraggle, are you my wife? :wink:

I got married while I was at RMAS. I had to see my Pl Comd, my Coy Comd and the College Comd, who all tried to persuade me that it was a bad idea. But I did it anyway and I didn't detect any noticeable reduction in my efficiency. Quite the opposite, in fact. My fiancee/wife, lived in Reading and, after the first five weeks, I was able to make it home about every other weekend. On the weekends when I couldn't make it but wasn't otherwise freezing my nads off on a training area somewhere, she would come down on the Sunday and we spent the day with friends in similar situations.

The only downside to it that I've detected was that I've never lived in the Mess as a singly and so never had that period of convenience and disposable income that others did. But Mess life - I assured - isn't what it was, so I probably didn't lose much.

IF
That is only the case because fcuking goats like you get married and totally detract from it. Too many people treat our profession as a 9-5 job. It isn't. That is why almost everyone tried to dissuade you- do you think, perhaps, it was because they know better? Perish the thought, they were only experienced officers trying to set you on the right track! Remember this:

Subalterns should not
Captains may
Majors should
Colonels must

If you cannot work out what I am saying you need to have a serious word with yourself.

END OF RANT.
 
#12
I know many officers who have "lived in and they are total twats. I know others who have been married from day one who are reasonable and understanding.

It is the man that is important - experience can only shape a twat so far!
 
#13
Don't do it!!!

I was one of those. Big mistake. Missed out on a lot at Sandhurst, missed out on many of the fun bits of being a subbie as well. Ended up divorced as well, which was expensive.

Wait and see how she adapts to military life whilst still having a get out clause. Some do and fit in fine, some never do. Mine fell into the latter camp.

Stress and embarassment all round.

In fact don't even think of getting married till at least thirty. You are old enough and wise enough then to draw the line, take no shit and afford the luxury of a warm bed most nights.

Also it allows you to fully experience the available pool of female talent that your looks, charm or cash can obtain. No looking back wondering what if?
 
#15
That is only the case because fcuking goats like you get married and totally detract from it.
:?: :?: :?:

What've I done?

If I'm a "fcuking goat" then surely I wouldn't have had much to contribute any way? And if you're suggesting that I should have delayed my personal plans for the sake of enhancing your social life then I'm utterly at a loss.

Subalterns should not
Captains may
Majors should
Colonels must
Uh-huh. This is one of those occasions where I have to restrain myself...

No, sod it:

WHAT FCUKING CENTURY ARE YOU LIVING IN!!!???

IF
 
#18
If you want to get married..get married. There are some fair points about what one 'might' miss out on by not living in the Mess. But that is not be the point. Getting married is not a decision about where you will be living, it is about the chick and the commitment you have to make to each other. Be under no illusion that being married in the Army is different to the cvilian world, and you and your wife will have various expectations placed upon you, but it can in turn end up being a great lifestyle for both of you.
As long as you continue to work for your blokes then what is the issue. If I were a soldier, I would much rather have a subbie that turned up for work and could possibly empathise with the blokes about married life, as opposed to some pissed up singlie whose only issue is which jazz mag to flick through before lunch.
Cynical Subbie....no comment.....you tw*t
 
#19
I'm with Ideas Factory here. And good luck at the factory, if you can make it work and she can cope with the Army life. Don't worry about missing out on mess life. Theres nothing stopping you going for a few scoops in the bar, you could even take the missus along. And you'll get to do the LIM thing on the courses you go on. Its OK until the novelty wears off. And you get fed up with having to cram all your kit into your car or into MFO boxes when you are posted.

I married 7 days after Sandhurst. Unlike the identikit 19-22yr old Ocdts who are posting alot of old 18th century twaddle I did not fall out of the ARRSE of some university after 3-4 years on the piss "studying" American lesbian poetry in the 19th century, Urban Planning, Media Studies or some other nonsensical pish.

All this you must be a Maj before marrying is great if you are Inf or Cav. But to the Normal officer its bollocks.

I worked in civvy industry and even owned a house. I was engaged and then decided to go to the factory. She was 200 miles away, saw me every couple of weeks and fought through.
I did the living in thing for 4 months on my YOs cse.
On my first posting I used to invite my singly subby mates round to my house, who enjoyed the break from the mess.

Married subbies can't do the job properly! bollocks! subbies have bugger all to do, especially compared with say the OC or some staff appts and alot of the guys doing those posts are married.

What vital work are subbies doing after 1800hrs at night, and if they are working that hard, they wouldn't have time for a social life.
I was better able to connect with soldiers as I understood what being married was about. How can a single subby give credible advice?

Would I really want give up my 3 bedroom house with en-suite garden and garage. The ability to cook what I wanted and when wering whatever, to go and live in a single room, with paper thin walls so I can listen to my neighbours music/sexual adventures/etc, sharing a grubby ablutions block,drinking with the same faces every night, having to eat slavishly every night at the same time etc etc.
Living in is OK, but after a while you grow out of it, I know its an extension of student life for some, but if you have a fairly crunchy job, at the end of the day you want to get off camp and get away from it. My job stops on my front door.
hmm house or bedsit. hard choice. I'll stick with my house thanks.

The Army is largely 9-5 and 9-12 on fridays. accept it. It relects society. accept it. You'l spend 25% of your career commanding soldiers, the rest will be spent largely at a keyboard and/or meetings.

Just because someone doesn't fit the image you were programmed to recognise at the factory you instantly dislike it.
 

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