******** with 'dog allergies'

#61
You win a free weekend at an apparently dog hair infested, broken Hacienda'd, cum filled hot tub (well, after I was done with it it was), fire hazard bungalow in Aviemore!

Well done sir. I shall send you the availability dates for the 2040 season next week.
You can chin that arriviste off, he was second and probably copied over my shoulder anyhoo. Late Aug 2040 will be fine, as long as there are no dog hairs and the Mexican pottery artefact is glued back together.

Pitch up to speak to him personally, broadest weegie you can muster and invite him to the ludge/Irish folk song club to discuss.
 
#62
Have you ever encountered a problem that couldnt be solved by sitting fully naked on patio furniture and knocking one out in full view of the neighbours?
If you say yes you're a ******* liar.
I have had a few that couldn’t be solved that way.

However, when I moved the armchair into the front garden and sat there sharpening my Japanese sword I found it improved my negotiating position wonderfully.

If that failed then publicly hammering six inch nails through the baseball bat normally resolved the issue.
 
#63
Just back from my holiday up near Aviemore. What a fücking disaster and the tight fücker didn't even give me a rebate on the holiday home rental charge - kept my bond as well for damage to rugs so threadbare and dog smelly, even the carpet lice were moving out. I put them in the garden next to the cold tub just to get rid of the smell - eu de soggy mongrel.
  • Patio door stuck fast... couldn't open it
  • Lights flickering like Piccadilly Circus after dark
  • Wood chip wallpaper - what a fücking mess. Looks like he tried to strip it with a knife fork and spoon.
Won't be going back there any time soon. Fücking place was full of dog hair and cat shit and the rusty springs busting out of the pissëd mattress was something else.
 
#64
You should get a big sign outside:

"No Blacks, no Irish, no Dog allergy sufferers"
 

MrBane

LE
Moderator
Kit Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#65
You can chin that arriviste off, he was second and probably copied over my shoulder anyhoo. Late Aug 2040 will be fine, as long as there are no dog hairs and the Mexican pottery artefact is glued back together.

Pitch up to speak to him personally, broadest weegie you can muster and invite him to the ludge/Irish folk song club to discuss.
It might not hold that long if I used Pritt Stick, but you seem like a sound chap. At least I wouldn't have to remove body parts if @Sixty stayed.

On that last point, long chat about that today with a few folk..general consensus is that an unaccompanied access property (no front desk / meet and greet) is far more likely to be abused as there is no sense of connection or liability.

I can guarantee if I was waiting at the door to greet them there'd be no ******* complaints thereafter. The weegie accent is an idea.

'Alright pal? Cheers easy for pickin' tae stay at mah gaff ya foreen **** - hope yae like it an aw that pish. Jist a heids up, ah've checked eh'rehin, it's aw workin' an' in wan piece so nane a'h yer tricksy pish or ah'll droon thon wifey heid first in the hot tub wae you strapped tae the fence post watching as ah treat her like a spring field and plough the shite oot ae hur twitchin' corpse afore settin' aboot yae wae the potato peeler.

Any problems feel free to call me and don't forget to leave a review!'
 
#66
It might not hold that long if I used Pritt Stick, but you seem like a sound chap. At least I wouldn't have to remove body parts if @Sixty stayed.

On that last point, long chat about that today with a few folk..general consensus is that an unaccompanied access property (no front desk / meet and greet) is far more likely to be abused as there is no sense of connection or liability.

I can guarantee if I was waiting at the door to greet them there'd be no ******* complaints thereafter. The weegie accent is an idea.

'Alright pal? Cheers easy for pickin' tae stay at mah gaff ya foreen **** - hope yae like it an aw that pish. Jist a heids up, ah've checked eh'rehin, it's aw workin' an' in wan piece so nane a'h yer tricksy pish or ah'll droon thon wifey heid first in the hot tub wae you strapped tae the fence post watching as ah treat her like a spring field and plough the shite oot ae hur twitchin' corpse afore settin' aboot yae wae the potato peeler.

Any problems feel free to call me and don't forget to leave a review!'
Ahh a strip advisor review
 
#67
Alright pal? Cheers easy for pickin' tae stay at mah gaff ya foreen **** - hope yae like it an aw that pish. Jist a heids up, ah've checked eh'rehin, it's aw workin' an' in wan piece so nane a'h yer tricksy pish or ah'll droon thon wifey heid first in the hot tub wae you strapped tae the fence post watching as ah treat her like a spring field and plough the shite oot ae hur twitchin' corpse afore settin' aboot yae wae the potato peeler.
I've got weegie relatives and, while I got everything, you might want to make it a bit more accessible for us sassenachs. Especially if it's going to be delivered at the trademark 90mph sounding like someone is buggering an aggressive and extremely uncooperative cat.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#68
Sweet deck all, Mr Bane is being reticent about his guests having a Bangladeshi mother…..
Dunno about that, but they pitched with a veiled and heavily pregnant daughter who'd just arrived back from somewhere sandy.
 
#69
Anything for a peaceful life!

I've got guests in just now who claim to all have a dog allergy and didn't know my place was dog friendly... Even though it says it, prominently, at least three times on different sections of my page in the booking website that you cannot miss.

The **** threw all my rugs into the garden where they lay for at least two days in the pissing rain!

House had just been deep cleaned to an exceptional standard and my property team are raging.

Add to that he complained about having mattresses with springs in it, and a few other shitty points and lo' 'I think we should be refunded half the holiday'.

******* jog on cunto. Guess who's in for a surprise when he doesn't get his bond back for the rugs.

Anyway, do any of you lot have dog allergies and if so, would you ever book a stay in a pet friendly place?

Cleaning is spot on but there will always be a missed hair somewhere.

Thoughts?

P.S - A prize if you can guess the nationality.
Which ARRSEr is it? Go on, tell us.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#71
It might not hold that long if I used Pritt Stick, but you seem like a sound chap. At least I wouldn't have to remove body parts if @Sixty stayed.

On that last point, long chat about that today with a few folk..general consensus is that an unaccompanied access property (no front desk / meet and greet) is far more likely to be abused as there is no sense of connection or liability.

I can guarantee if I was waiting at the door to greet them there'd be no ******* complaints thereafter. The weegie accent is an idea.

'Alright pal? Cheers easy for pickin' tae stay at mah gaff ya foreen **** - hope yae like it an aw that pish. Jist a heids up, ah've checked eh'rehin, it's aw workin' an' in wan piece so nane a'h yer tricksy pish or ah'll droon thon wifey heid first in the hot tub wae you strapped tae the fence post watching as ah treat her like a spring field and plough the shite oot ae hur twitchin' corpse afore settin' aboot yae wae the potato peeler.

Any problems feel free to call me and don't forget to leave a review!'

Surely you mean tattie peeler
 
#72
I can guarantee if I was waiting at the door to greet them there'd be no ******* complaints thereafter. The weegie accent is an idea.

'Alright pal? Cheers easy for pickin' tae stay at mah gaff ya foreen **** - hope yae like it an aw that pish. Jist a heids up, ah've checked eh'rehin, it's aw workin' an' in wan piece so nane a'h yer tricksy pish or ah'll droon thon wifey heid first in the hot tub wae you strapped tae the fence post watching as ah treat her like a spring field and plough the shite oot ae hur twitchin' corpse afore settin' aboot yae wae the potato peeler.
Not bad! however, you missed out a couple of 'n at' and 'but' (in the completely wrong context, eg, at the end of a sentence).

The bit about 'Meeting and Greeting' is good though. It can be a royal pain in the ARRSE if they get delayed or go sight-seeing or shopping (delete as appropriate) without having the decency and common courtsey to phone you. You get a chance to see/assess them and the chance to show them that everything works and is intact. Any questions? No? Good. Here's the keys, any probs, just call me. Have a lovely holiday.





Have I mentioned taking photos of the gaff............?
Did I say they'd be after a discount.........?
Do we rent our place anymore.........?[/QUOTE]
 
#73
Dog allergy is a really serious condition and can be life threatening. I've always been astonished that there isn't an MOD wide ban on dogs on premises on H&S grounds as the dander (not the fur) can linger for months even after a deep clean. It's asking for trouble given the other H&S payouts (NFCI, RSI, stress fractures etc) that the MOD has been subject to.

That said, in your case, I've no idea why somebody would book into a dog-friendly place? Its implied in the advertising that dogs will have been present....
That is nearly as bad as allowing Queenslanders in as Tenants, at least dogs dont shit in the bath, block the toilets with shitty nappies, widen your driveways by knocking the fxxxing gateposts down and driving through the flower beds, and then like a scouse refugee taking all the whitegoods andcurtains with them when they flitted into the bright blue yonder.give me a pensioner with half a dozen whippets,a moggy and Rod Whotsits Emu, anytime:crying::crying:
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#74

Latest Threads

Top