Witch hunting.

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by old_fat_and_hairy, Oct 12, 2007.

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  1. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    There seems to be a spirit of vindictveness creeping in at the moment. People wanting to 'out' other members. Accusations of walting, and attempts to breach persec abound.
    We all are not all that we seem, and everyone is guilty of over-egging the pudding.
    I have consistently lied about who I am. I am not old, fat and hairy, but a smooth-skinned, long legged, tanned, toned and young blade. A peer, a 32 year old captain in SF, who has been contracted by 'certain officials' to do very dabgerous work. A sex-god, and voted the most handsome man in Brtain.
    Similarly, others on here have exaggerrated themselves. One, a vituperative lady, is actually a 19 stone Liverpool docker named Terry. Another who speaks with great authority is a 15 year old Air cadet.
    So, why can we not accept each other as we are and all be jolly good chums?
  2. 'So, why can we not accept each other as we are and all be jolly good chums?'

    Because that would be really gay.
  3. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer


    You Walt! You are not or never have been smooth skinned. I have seen the pictures in 49's boat house. The last time I saw some thing that hairy I was just about to eat it.

    Why pretend to be something your not. You don't fool us.


    Your 19 Yr Old CO
  4. LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    huggs and kisses Terry..
  5. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    See! Persec. Now they know you really are the caretaker and boat scrubber at 49's boatyard!
  6. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    How dare you sir, I am not the caretaker although in all fairness I have been described as a scrubber.
  7. Now then, now then, now then, then, now.

    Now then.

    OFnH is right. He WAS voted the most handsome man in Britain, I know because he had to hand the crown over to me the following year. We did it by video link as I was busy doing "Black Monkey Ops" in the "obvious" at the time.

    Scotty, you know he speaks the truth, so do not protest, we also know you have a full-length poster of OFnH on the inside of your locker door which you tell the kids is a personal gift from the Good Lord himself, signed by Him (OFnH).

    Now I personally have no problem with this. I do not see an expose of the "truth" as we see it (ie for comedy value) as an issue. There are Walts on here, but that means they are typing in their bedooms and not bothering the AFCO Seniors - no bad thing.

    There are few worrying souls (where are you Steeve?) who have a bit of service but seem to remember it rather different to how it actually happened, fair play (they are all bonkers).

    Then there's the likes of me: I want to command a mercenary army of Primates (my daughter told me I couldn't just have monkeys - even though I like the word "monkey" more than "primate" - because I wanted Macacqs and Lemurs on the team). It wold be a huge PMC (Primate & Monkey Army) and I would be teh Generalissiomo in a white uniform, big hat and shades and riding stood out of the sunroof of a pink limo.

    Have I drifetd off thread???

    Monkey Armies Yeeeaahhhhh!!!!!

    Who's in?
  8. Wait, no PMC is Private Monkey Corps
  9. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

  10. No wait, wrong again, its Primate Mercenary Company

  11. I despute your disgraceful accusation, everyone knows there is no way you could fit a full length poster of OFnH on one locker door, it would take at least a double page spread to fit him all in, and i believe the staples do make his eyes smart. :twisted:
  12. Oh contraire my little Docker, I can vouch for Captain OFaH. As a Peer of the Realm I have had to use his SF skills in the past. Once I was being blackmailed by a former Misteress who went by the name Madam le Pettie Minx. A rather buxom 18 year old Swiss lass you was schooled in a convent and was as flexible as a gymnast. If the scandle got out I would be ruined! The other Lords who drank at the Prestigues Dog and Duck drinking and gaming club would laugh at me. She had to die!
    I decided that she should die by the sword, it seemed fit as she was a gold medal winner in the Swiss Cheese Carving and Serving National Games. I employed Captain OFaH to carry out the deed.
    The report I got back was mixed. He had opted to use something to called a "Pork Sword" and had to spend an entire weekend running her through in my London Penthouse. It must have been thirsty work as he got though 18 bottles of my finest champagne, 6 crates of Caviar, 6 crates of strawberries and God knows how much whipped cream.
    Some how she survived the ordeal and is now a the Popes personal Nun in waiting.
  13. FOR gawds sake have you no consideration for opsec ..... ps OFH is a handsome blade and i will bite anyone who says otherwise not to mention do some quality ninja hairpulling ........wot the sluggster did show me how
  14. How dare you Sir.....

    I have never had a Red Cap in my life.

    Ive had a Green one (and a nasty blue one in trg), a black peaked one with a chain accross the front, a white pillowcase as a hat, a "Piss Helmet", a Penelope Pitstop hat, a hockey helmet (of late), a pair of pink deely-boppers, a William Shatner whole face-mask, but NEVER I say again NEVER, have I worn a red cap.

    I was looking at you potetially for the Bde Cmd of my Goriila Armoured Bde, but that's you mate, shot your bolt.

    Consider yourself demoted ot the OC of the Monkey Marine Boat Group - your task is to perform riverine patrols of the Shitt Al Arab waterway with your arrse out mooning Iraninan PB90s and to trail my new "tell-'em-owt" Cnutduct After Capture drills.

    that'll learn yer.
  15. If anyone wants to bring a bow and arrow, there's plenty witches around here. 4 at a desk not too far away in fact. Been cackling like macaws all morning, someone really needs to put them down one way or the other. Either that or identify to them what they are actually meant to be here for: work.

    OF&H, can you bring your team from the old skunk works and ram something sideways somewhere very unpleasant. There's a good chap.