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Witch Doctor

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems. One has a smoking problem, one is an alcholic and one is gay but wants to change. The docter puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die. Two days later the alcholic dies because he gave in and had to drink. The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at it. The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fucked!"
Do not what ever anybody suggests give up your day job, you'll starve.
Witch doctor? A missionary moves to darkest Africa and is a great success, curing illnesses and raising the standard of health. The one ailment that he cannot cure is a mysterious rash around the tribesmen's calves and knees. Unfortunately for the man of god the heathen witch doctor seems able to do this.

The missionary goes to see the witch doctor and asks him how he cures the rash. The witch doctor refuses to tell the missionary unless he lets his wife sleep with him. The missionary refuses at first but eventually he is so intrigued by the success of paganism rather than his godly and scientific approach, that he gives in. His wife agrees to the deal and at sundown pops in to the witch doctor's hut, where he rogers her mightily and at sun up she returns to the mission.

"Well?" demands the missionary "How does he cure that bloody rash?"

"Mmm?" replies his wife dreamily, "oh, he just cuts the tops off their wellingtons!"

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