Wireless Net

On exercise on Salisbury Plain with 3 Para I was acting as RSMs runner. We visited Rad Op to see what was happening and while there a plaintive voice came over the net " I am lonely very lonely" right away the RSM grabbed the mic and transmitted " RSM  here caller identify yourself"  reply " I am not that f******g lonely" ;D
That story takes me back to Exercise Crusader...1980 or 1979, forget which...and a voice came across the ether in the silent hours "Hello All Stations, are there any friendly teddy bears out there?"

Zero obviously bored as fcuk and full of "grip" came up like lightning "Hello unknown station, identify yourself at once!"

"Ooh, you're NOT at friendly teddy bear..."


War Hero
Somewhere south in a certain mill we had a problem with callsign "Sparticus". I wont go into specific details but it ended up with more than a few of us being charged.
A number of our ops decided to amuse themselves by humming/singing the "DEUTSCHLANDLIED" over the net intermittently and shockingly without identifying themselves (the naughty so-and-so's).As this was in Germany at a time of political sensitivity,Pronto was driven demented as he could not identify the culprits(Sony Walkman-ever so useful)
Northumbrian OTC on camp at Fremington in 1982 I think...a later to be distinguished RHA officer brought an Action Man "Commander" on camp with him. It certainly enlivened a very dull signals exercise when in the middle of all the gay inconsequential military drivel would appear AM's voice spouting "Send out a patrol" or "Enemy tanks approaching". The powers that be were still twitching on day fourteen! Good drills "Nick"...
Slightly of the thread i know.
But i had a mate who left a unit and coz the RSM had been an idiot to him in the unit he decided to get his own back.

On the monday after he left he rang the RSM, and said' Is steve there'
Rsm replys sorry no steve here you must have the wrong number'

Every day he rang the RSM at the same time every day asking is steve there,
well you can guess by the thursday of the second week the RSM was was loosing it on the phone.
The on the friday of the second week he rang up and said

'Hi Its steve here any messages for me?'


A certain young officer I knew once used to hate the way that the final day of exercise used to drag, and drag, and drag. Especially when it was a friday and you could practically feel the traffic building between SPTA and the hot little nurse waiting for him in Aldershot. His solution was to send his marvelously inventive Geordie Tp Sgt over to the CP and at a prearranged time, whilst said sgt distracted the CP with a story, emergency, or egg banjoes (a CP wallahs Kryptonite), the young rupert would send "All callsigns this is zero - ENDEX, ENDEX out"

I'm not saying every one of the unit's radops believed it was gen, but enough troops started to pack up regardless and once the CO sees the vast majority of his sub-units decamming and preparing to bug out as if the 4th Gds Tank Army were already at Imber Village, he suddenly remembers that his unfeasibly attractive wife is at home waiting for him and decides to sack it too. It worked twice before the CO changed and the new one decided that this was not "condusive to good order and military conduct." it wasn't helped by the fact that the young officer clearly thought that sect 69 was a rude number. His wife was a munter.

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