Just watching the festivities from Torino on something like a 10hr time delay because apparently fat American women can't do without watching The Young and the fecking Restless and the LA local news needs to show the latest car chase. What a fcuking cake and arrse party. I know I've got the better part of a case of wifebeater inside me, but FCUK! More of the usual choreography put together by a bunch of mongs who wouldn't recognise a vagina if it walked up and said hello to them- FCUKING ICE-SKATING TREES FFS! An Alp-horn playing midget from Lichtenstein and now some fat knackers have appeared in white leotards making a XX in the middle of the stadium along with some blokes dressed like ninjas playing mess games with planks of wood. So far the only redeeming features have been the lovely Signorina Carla Bruni and the Carabinieri with comedy hackles the size of your average conifer tree. Ooh look. They have head torches and pac-a-macs! Cnuts! And now the speed skaters with flames pouring from their noggins are back- fcuking cosmic. Jesus Christ. I need another beer. Does anybody know on what day I can expect to see that gobby cnut, Bode Miller break his neck?