Winner of the Tin-Foil Crown

Now there are some nutters on here. And there are a lot more out there. But for sheer, tin-foiled hatted, unadulterated LUNATIC conspiracy theories, this guy really does win the prize:

I'll never see Nicholas Witchell in the same light again!
A very interesting and thought provoking site. He has some relevant points that do need looking into.

I particularly liked this little gem from him;

£20,000 Reward Offered to Expose the Conspiracy

I am making a pledge for information directly leading to the exposing of the "BBC Newscaster Conspiracy". The exposing would specifically need to lead to a legally binding admission from Martyn Lewis or Michael Buerk of the BBC, or Jon Snow of ITN, that they were watching me through the TV set.

I would be happy (delighted, in fact) to pay £20,000 sterling in reward for the above admission. Please note that the offer is not extended to these three newscasters themselves, in the unlikely event that they make such an admission voluntarily.
It's absolutely amazing isn't it? Wibble. :roll:
I'm a big fan of the MI5 agent performing an "amorous expression" outside his window.

If only the CIA provided similar service! With me it's just homeless alcoholics and the fat guy in apartment #6 that hasn't had a date since Bush the Elder was in office.

(Edited to correct my "expression".)
Dunno whether he still does, but this guy used to advertise his site in every issue of 'Private Eye'. World Champion nutball IMHO. On the other hand, he may be on to something, that Sophie Rowerth keeps winking and smiling at me every time she's on the news, reckon she fancies me...
I particularly liked this bit:

"On the phone I suggested to Mr Braithwaite (a solicitor) that his refusal to take my instructions was due to prejudice against the mentally ill. He spluttered and coughed, and said words to the effect that he usually found that a mentally ill person's complaint would be a product of their delusion."
I have to send this to the NAAFI, it's too priceless to stay here! :lol:
Does that mean that Penny Smith can see me burping the worm in her direction every morning?. No wonder she has a glint in her eye .... or perhaps it's time I scaped one or two 'perls' off my TV screen.
Using the remote controlled camera installed in his toilet brush handle I managed to get a look at his Personality test results.
They make disturbing reading

Paranoid: Extreme
Schizoid: Off the top end of the scale
Schizotypal: Very Very High
Antisocial: Absolutley
Borderline: Very High Indeed
Histrionic: Hazardously High
Narcissistic: Not at all!
Avoidant: Don't even contemplate going near him
Dependent: Arrse cheek clenchingly high
Obsessive-Compulsive: So far deviant from norm that you must be joking
Where can I sign up for an MI5 stalker? Oh no wait. I think I would prefer the much more debonair MI6 stalker please instead :D

I would, however, be remiss if I did not look up my DSMV-R to shed light on this gentleman's condition for all of ARRSE.

Axis I

Complete Raving Loony

A new Axis I classification due to the immense increase in individuals suffering from a cluster of symptoms so severe they required their own category. Characterised by one or more of the following

- loss of grip on mammary tissues
- loss of grip on mattress covered, wheeled devices

These individuals also exhibit symptoms of Stark Raving Maniac, which has also received its own separate classification in Axis I disorders.

Axis II


Sub-class: Right Mong

More research into the field of MLAAAARing, see separate classification Axis II, has meant Mong has come to be recognised more fully as having several sub-classes within its diagnostic umbrella. The Right Mong differs from other classes due to the overwhelming frothing at the mouth behaviour exhibited by sufferers.

That guy needs anal probing with a bayonet. The only time anyone is going to take any nefarious, or any actual interest in him will be Bubba his hairy cell buddy when he finally gets locked up for being an extreme tinfoiled clad tit with serious mental issues. Drill a hole in your head you're obviously not getting enough oxygen to that organ you muppet.

<edited because I can't type>

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