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Wind up the Scots?

#24
I found that certain people in the KOSB almost caught fire when they discovered that Buckfast is made in England.
That stuff is friggin goppin, typically the celtic knuckle daggers that imploded when the unit was still going.


I'd say the same for RS & RHF too.
Sent from my SM-A500FU using Tapatalk
 
#25
O! I understood all the Scot's ate was porage with salt because they could not afford such things as fried bacon, eggs, black pudding, tomatoes, potatoes (hash brown?) and of course fried bread after a good helping of porage with a little salt. Actually, the last time I had breakfast in Scotland the meal was so large I struggled to finish it, but being a Cheshire cat I manfully struggled on until it was all gone Wooff? LOL!
 
#27
Old, English lanes are winding,
And English lanes are long;
They're bounded by green hedgerows,
And filled with birdsong.
Who knows but round the corner,
Maybe a village pond;
With waterfowl and reed beds ----
Thatched cottages beyond.
Oh, English lanes are peaceful,
And lonely as the sky;
Where summer clouds are drifting
And swifts cavort on high.
Oh. English ales are lovely,
And English lanes abide;
To lift the heart and soothe the soul
In England's countryside.
John Maidwell
Don't give up the day job. How else will you keep all that tax* flowing northwards?




* Or 'tribute' to give it it's correct name.
 
#28
O! I understood all the Scot's ate was porage with salt because they could not afford such things as fried bacon, eggs, black pudding, tomatoes, potatoes (hash brown?) and of course fried bread after a good helping of porage with a little salt. Actually, the last time I had breakfast in Scotland the meal was so large I struggled to finish it, but being a Cheshire cat I manfully struggled on until it was all gone Wooff? LOL!
When I was a kid I once asked my Nan why we had to have our Porridge with salt, in that ago old way that Scottish Grannies do she looked thoughtful for a moment and said "Because you just do, now eat it and be quiet" and when I asked why we weren't having bacon rolls, fried egg and black pudding she answered "Because you're having Porridge, any more stupid questions ??"

This is why Scottish Fried Breakfasts are ginormous, they are made for people who eat until they are tired rather than full. Its a reaction to a lifetime of denial of the tasty breakfasts that are standard fayre south of the border by a breed of Grandmother that spend their lives force feeding their kids constant Porridge breakfasts with no explanation or reason why.

Its not because we're poor. I'm going to have a breakfast later on that costs more than a London beer crawl .. up yours Nan.
 

Auld-Yin

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#30
Do we consider Andy Murray as still British? I think he is a bit low in the rankings these days so to me he is Scottish, or Scotch, take your pick.
I noted that the commentators at Wimbledon this year had reverted to Henson Hill rather than Murray Mount! Didn't take them long. :(
 
#31
Quote from Danny Boyle's Trainspotting:

TOMMY
Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?​

RENTON
I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the ******* low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just *******. We, on the other hand, are colonized by *******. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete *********. It's a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any ******* difference.​
 

Auld-Yin

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#33
Quote from Danny Boyle's Trainspotting:

TOMMY
Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?​

RENTON
I hate being Scottish. We're the lowest of the ******* low, the scum of the earth, the most wretched, servile, miserable, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization. Some people hate the English, but I don't. They're just *******. We, on the other hand, are colonized by *******. We can't even pick a decent culture to be colonized by. We are ruled by effete *********. It's a shite state of affairs and all the fresh air in the world will not make any ******* difference.​
One of my favourite quotes, but Trainspotting is by Irvine Welsh - the film adaptation is directed by Boyle.
 
#35
#37
Ye want some poetry?

Hae a daunder at this:

The Battle of Tel-el-Kebir



YE sons of Great Britain, come join with me,
And sing in praise of Sir Garnet Wolseley;
Sound drums and trumpets cheerfully,
For he has acted most heroically.

Therefore loudly his praises sing
Until the hills their echoes back doth ring;
For he is a noble hero bold,
And an honour to his Queen and country, be it told.

He has gained for himself fame and renown,
Which to posterity will be handed down;
Because he has defeated Arabi by land and by sea,
And from the battle of Tel-el-Kebir he made him to flee.

With an army about fourteen thousand strong,
Through Egypt he did fearlessly march along,
With the gallant and brave Highland brigade,
To whom honour is due, be it said.

Arabi’s army was about seventy thousand in all,
And, virtually speaking, it wasn’t very small;
But if they had been as numerous again,
The Irish and Highland brigades would have beaten them, it is plain.

’Twas on the 13th day of September, in the year of 1882,
Which Arabi and his rebel horde long will rue;
Because Sir Garnet Wolseley and his brave little band
Fought and conquered them on Kebir land.

He marched upon the enemy with his gallant band
O’er the wild and lonely desert sand,
And attacked them before daylight,
And in twenty minutes he put them to flight.

The first shock of the attack was borne by the Second Brigade,
Who behaved most manfully, it is said,
Under the command of brave General Grahame,
And have gained a lasting honour to their name.

But Major Hart and the 18th Royal Irish, conjoint,
Carried the trenches at the bayonet point;
Then the Marines chased them about four miles away,
At the charge of the bayonet, without dismay!

General Sir Archibald Alison led on the Highland Brigade,
Who never were the least afraid.
And such has been the case in this Egyptian war,
For at the charge of the bayonet they ran from them afar!

With their bagpipes playing, and one ringing cheer,
And the 42nd soon did the trenches clear;
Then hand to hand they did engage,
And fought like tigers in a cage.

Oh! it must have been a glorious sight
To see Sir Garnet Wolseley in the thickest of the fight!
In the midst of shot and shell, and the cannons roar,
Whilst the dead and the dying lay weltering in their gore

Then the Egyptians were forced to yield,
And the British were left masters of the field;
Then Arabi he did fret and frown
To see his army thus cut down.

Then Arabi the rebel took to flight,
And spurred his Arab steed with all his might:
With his heart full of despair and woe,
And never halted till he reached Cairo.

Now since the Egyptian war is at an end,
Let us thank God! Who did send
Sir Garnet Wolseley to crush and kill
Arabi and his rebel army at Kebir hill.

William Topaz McGonagall
 
#39
Sorry... what bit of "alternative" don't you get?
The bit where one Englishman was proposed as an alternative to another Englishman on a thread devoted to winding up the Scots.
 

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