Wind ho!

Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by Cuddles, Oct 21, 2010.

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  1. Now I fart as much as the next man. Possibly more given that I drink Gloucester Glory beer on a weekend and that can be a bit farty-inducing.

    Yet I have not drunk any of said brew since Saturday and bizarrely today i have been farting like Red Rum. My diet today featured a grapefruit and an apple for breakfast, fb a beef and onion roll and tomato soup for lunch and scrambled egg and bacon for supper. What in that combination can be responsible for the unholy rumpus in my flipping trousers?? I've had tiger fals and lager fests which have been far less pump-ridden.

    Is there a flatulogical nurse on here? Is there anything which can cure or ameliorate the farting process? It isn't personally unpleasant and the dog and I have achieved a new level of understanding of what "mutually assured destruction" might mean. However paint is peeling from the door jamb and TFB has blacked out on the sofa, despite my propping the window open.

    On average these gaseous emissions are ten seconds long and smell faintly of cauliflower cooking. Which is pretty odd as I do not now, nor have I ever eaten cauliflower.
  2. rampant

    rampant LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Therein lies your problem.
  3. Passing wind is manly and should be encouraged. Whatever you have eaten today double the amounts tommorrow.
  4. The scrambled egg came well after the mighty volcano gods became angry with the people of the lovely atoll...

    I know farting is what sets us aside from the childer and womenfolks Jarrod. I just dont want to be sectioned and forced to live on Dungenness. There is no hint that it may stop. In fact I've just done it again...and again.

    The dog is now worshipping my ringpiece as a god.
  5. I asked the same question on here a while ago, and while many of the answers were (not sure why I'm surprised here) frankly preposterous, one cure worked a treat - peppermint tea. Gay yes, odour-reduced farts, fcuk yes.
  6. Loud farts and snoring are manly things that gain respect from the more female members of the house, they are reassured especially by snoring that all is well. The dog knows all is well while you snore or fart and can feel safe and secure.
  7. what did you eat YESTERDAY though young Cuddles??
  8. Drink protien shakes, after a few weeks you could get to mars and back.
  9. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    For some folks ,,such as myself, it matter not a jot what they eat, they can fart and fart.

    One of Mrs Fang expressed joys at having to live with me! She is constantly amazed at my lack of follow through.
  10. Well it seemed to calm down through the night although I was woken by a particul;arly stern arrse-bark around 0530. Which as the alarm had been set for 0600 I opted to take as reveille.

    In answer to big bird 67, on Tuesday I had a bana and grapefruit for breakfast, fb steak pie, peas and mash for lunch and supper was a chicken kieve with carrots and runner beans but no potatoes. I also had hot apple tart and cold custard.

    In answer to the person who PM-ed me, yes I am sure you are a very attractive young woman and I am also sure were you not in Yorkshire and I not married, I would indeed be very happy to fart on you repeatedly before full penetrative sex. Thank you for the kind offer in any case and yes, I agree you really do need to consider changing therapists.
  11. Cuddles, having observed your diet there seems to be far too much healthy fruity stuff, and this must be the cause of your weeping flatulogical escapes