Win Friends Influence People- Scientific Proof

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, May 29, 2008.

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  1. This just in:

    Scientists have developed a treatment they say could be a cure for ' shyness'...they have found that by inhaling oxytocin [ naturally produced in the brain ] people can be made to ' trust strangers ' [ throw away that rohypnal, this could be undetectable ! ]

    They're testing the hormones as a nasal spray which could be used to overcome feelings of awkwardness and anxiety felt in many social situations. [ This is a Swiss study published in Neutron jouranl ]..


    In Glasgow, that hotbed of research, something even more relevant. Boffins there have ' identified' music that is most likely to trigger violence in pubs and nightclubs.

    Who knew that guitar riffs from songs like the Rolling Stones' Street Fighting Man and heavy bass lines of hiphop tracks were most likely to trigger a bustup? Pounding rhythms also made it difficult to hear which causes ' misunderstandings ' [ like, duh.. for this we need guys in white lab coats? ]

    Still, on the bright side, songs such as I've Had The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing were found to encourage women to dance ' provocatively '. which lead to confrontations when propositioned by men for being a c*ck tease ..

    And, of course, Sonny and Cher's I Got You Babe and any Robbie Williams
    'so-called hit, could be used to defuse disputes. Easy listening and 'slushy' romantic songs are ueed to deter gangs of young men from entering a pub in the first place...

    music hath charms to sooth the savage breast - who knew the old adage was true? Boffins, apparently...

    Crank up the Barry Manilow and chase the chavs away....
  2. In Munich they use classical music to keep the dossers out of the U-Bahn(underground) stations. I have learned to hate Vivaldis 4 Seasons, which I used to like a lot!, wish they would play Katschachurinin?? Love that one (Onedin Line!!!) :lol:
  3. katachurian - Algerian composer - english title is the Sabre Dance

    weird but no wiki page

    but then again who gives a crap.
  4. Did you mean "beast"?
  5. Nope... the original quote uses breast i.e. the heart...

    usual dumb bunnies these days with no understanding of literacy have mucked it all up.. similar to crappy misquoting of the Marie Antoinette quote about ' cake '...

    I blame lousy teachers and lack of reading skills, the computer and general laziness for things being screwed up...used to be kids had to learn reams of Shakespeare and parrot the stuff back to test skills, now, of course, that's politically incorrect and ' harsh ' on children who may have come from ' non-English-speaking ' cultures , etc. etc...

    But, enough of this deep thinking sh*t.. When will oxytocin nose spray become commercially available for the ' dating scene ' and will the PC types be outraged at the ' yoof of today ' spritzing before hitting the afterhours clubs dance floors to ' gyrate provacatively '? [ can't wait for the first court case wherein the trashy hottie claims rape after being squirted up the nose with the hormones to suppress her 'distrust of strangers '..
  6. Spelling is Katchaturian or Khachaturian, and he was Russian, Georgian or Armenian, depending on who you believe. There is a Wiki page. The theme from the Onedin Line is "Spartacus and Frijjia/Frigia/Phrygia" the adagio from the opera "Spartacus".
  7. Yeah I knew all that but as I am too lazy to dig my album out I just don't care. :lol:
  8. Anyway....will this oxytocin replace poppers in the ventilation systems of certain 'nightclubs'?
  9. They do the same now in Bielefeld and it works.

    If you are a homeless junkie trying to sleep off a meths binge on a park bench next to an overflowing bin swarming with wasps, the last thing you'd want to hear is the flight of the f@cking bumble bee!

    Wasps are also good for shifting wino's. One used to drink and sleep all day on a bench accross the road from my house. I started smearing marmalade on the underside of the bench at night, to attract the wasps. He now drinks elsewhere!
  10. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    Ever see those "mosquito" devices? The ones that emit stupidly high-pitched noises which only people under 18 can hear because the rest of us are too old and our senses are failing? When they got outlawed for violating human rights they often got replaced with sound systems playing classical music. Supposedly it worked, too, and they all got bored and buggered off. Even if the charvers stay, at least they get an education :roll:
  11. I'm in my thirties and even after years of attending rifleranges and doing antitank work, I can still hear those Mosquito devices. I hate the buggers because they give you headache. I can also hear if there is a telly on in the other room (it gives of a high pitched noise).

    I do think the marmelade trick is a good one! I'm going to try it myself!
  12. Using music to ' influence' people is as old as civilization..The use of power rhythms and martial music stirs up national fervor..think the French National Anthem and its ilk..

    As for getting people into a fighting mood, those scientists in Glasgow didn't have to look far.. Hell, nothing makes a guy want to fight more than the sound of bagpipes !! works better than any ' mosquito ' drone for releasing those endorphins...

    Now if they could rig up something so that when you play the pipes you squeeze out a fine spray of oxytocin as well....

    [ ye'll no get the TV thet way.. "]
  13. Like I said :)