Wimmin and phones

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabby, Jan 14, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. For the third day in a row I've got home to find my missus on the phone, chatting inane sh*t (probably to the talking clock) and NOT cooking my dinner.
    How can they find so much to talk about and why is it they only think of all these things AFTER they've got a ring on their finger.
    For those of you who have watched Fawlty Towers, Sybil... that's my missus on the phone. Oh, but add in some "emblishments" on what's actually happened and information about me based mainly on half truths (fat, ugly and crap in bed turns into really fat, lazy, ugly tree afflicted and incapable of horizontal jogging).
    I'd beat her, but she's made it very clear that if that happens I stop getting dinner. I feel I didn't emotionally destroy her enough early on.
    Anyone else had problems with women and their stupid phone habits?
  2. Crabby leave her alone, she's making some extra pin money doing online cyber and phone sex, only says "ohhhhhhh I knowwwww", when you come into the room as a code word that she can't really talk.
  3. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Duh YEAH! I get home every night and don't get a hello, because she's on the phone, and will be on it for another 45 minutes after I walk in the door. She'll be on it about another 15 times (that and texting) until she goes to bed. The phone will ring (for her), during mealtime, in the middle of a good film or program, whilst I'm reading a book, whilst we are . . . I was going to say shagging, but then I remembered . . . not being able to remember the last time that happened.

    I told her in no uncertain terms that I expect a 'Hello' and a kiss when I walk through the door, and anyone that phones up during food time is to be fcuked off forthwith, and that anyone that phones when something good is on the box, or I'm reading my book, can talk to her out in the garden.

    I'm THAT close to cutting all the phone wires!!!!
  4. and all that stuff about how shite YOU are is so that the inadequate, quivering piece of jelly on the other end feels all hetero-tiger by comparison! :D
  5. Great Aerosmith pop video with the same theme - bloke think's he's having great phone sex with some 20 something blonde nympho - when it reality it is a 20 stone 'thing' doing the ironing whilst breast feeding sprong number 10 and having a fag .... priceless
  6. have you been watching?? 8O
  7. Wimmin and phones? I must say I'm a bit disappointed. Was half expecting some pics of half naked chicks in provocative poses, with mobile phones, a la "bikes and wimmin" and "guns and wimmin"!

    Oh well........
  8. I've 'introduced' a fault on our home phone and her mobile battery is fooked so conversations don't usually last that long.

    She's called BT to sort out the phone but they won't deal with her cause of Data Protection. Bonus.

    Waffling kunts all of 'em.
  9. Phones eh ... lots of uses when on vibrate ...

    mod edit: No PORN, we know where to find it thanks

  10. Stop being a snivelling cnut SORT HER OUT
  11. I was hoping this would be along the same lines as women and guns. Was going to ask Flowers for a photo of herself stradling a Nokia.
  12. I've also noticed that they feel this compulsive need to spend phenomenal amounts of money in doing it, as well. There's Skype, VoIP, and that Google internet phone thingy, but they still insist on gassing away for hours WHILE ON THE SAME BLOODY INTERNET SHOPPING SITE AS THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO.

    The Jade Dream is a sensible sort, thank God, and not prone to bouts of oestrogen-based 'thinking'. She'll happily natter away for hours to all and sundry, but at least she's doing it for free.