Will you be my Valentine?

#1
Okay guys and gals, you know how it is. The money for the Valentine card was drunk last night and am currently cutting up a cereal box and thinking of a way to stick rolled up toilet paper to it, for the skinflint's cheap and cheerful card.

Stuck on the words inside and thought, who better to suggest some rhymes of love, then the collective wisdom of Arrse. So, any suggestions for words of luuuuurve this Valentine's eve?

How about "here's a card so fluffy and pink, now get off your arse and get back to the sink". Any good?
 
#2
Roses are straight,

Violets are twisted,

Bend over love,

You're about to get fisted.



Roses are crap,

Violets are wanky,

Oooh I've just come,

Pass me a hanky.



Roses are stupid,

Violets are silly,

Grease up your flaps,

Cos here comes my willy.



Roses are awful,

Violets are the pits,

Lift up your shirt,

And show us your tits.
 
#3
ABrighter2006 said:
Okay guys and gals, you know how it is. The money for the Valentine card was drunk last night and am currently cutting up a cereal box and thinking of a way to stick rolled up toilet paper to it, for the skinflint's cheap and cheerful card.

Stuck on the words inside and thought, who better to suggest some rhymes of love, then the collective wisdom of Arrse. So, any suggestions for words of luuuuurve this Valentine's eve?

How about "here's a card so fluffy and pink, now get off your arse and get back to the sink". Any good?
I just love the way you make out you have someone in you life to call 'darling' and pleasure you other than Lady Palmer and her 5 slutty daughters! 8)
 

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
My wife is dead,
She's turning blue,
I found some lube,
So she'll still do


Roses are crap,
Violets are sh1t,
Sit on my face,
And wriggle a bit.


Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you don't give me head after I spend £60 on a meal that usually costs £35 on Sunday.
We're fcuking through.
 
#11
#14
Money's short
Times is 'ard
Here's yer fu cking
Valentines card
 
#15
Toilet paper you say???

"I'm just a little Valentine's Card
though better than the rest,
if you put me with the others
you'll see that I am best.

You ca pin me to the headboard,
or suspend me on a string.
Put me on the mantelpiece
'cos I'm good at everything.

And when the day is over
and my job is all but done.
You can take me to the shit house
and wipe me on your bum!"
 
#16
oh my darling,

my Heart I'll give to you.

I've only got the one,

Will a kidney do?



I know 'someone' who sent this on behalf of rather butch lass to her whimpy bloke..

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I've got a big cock,
unlike you.
 
#17
If it's charmin' ra burds you're looking for, it pays to take lessons from a master:

"Oh, my love has got a red, red nose
And legs like Alice Goon
And teeth that fair remind me o’
A piano bein’ tuned
As fair game art thou, my grotty bint,
Ba' deep in guts am I
And I will shag thee still, my dear,
Till yer lady-bits gang dry."

Obviously, he tidied it up a bit in the second draft.
 
#18
Use (her) lipstick to write a romantic message on your cock.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#20
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You think I bought that 32 grand choker you were drooling over in De Beers in Bond Street, dont you?
Fucking stroll on.
Can I have tomato sauce on me bacon sarnie?
Tea, strong, two sugars.
And the Sunday papers.
Cheers.
 
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