Will I walt???

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I have found an old religious dog collar in an op shop, going for a pittance. All genuine with provenance - stinks of stale Woodbines and cheap whisky.

My plan is to buy it, put in on with a dark grey suit and head down to the local hooker and tarts pick up spots, carrying my leather bible (the one with the inbuilt up skirt camera). I then plan to offer salvation to fallen hussies in exchange for favours. The theory is based upon Brother Belcher of Carry on Up the Khyber fame, and of course Gladstone (who apparently did a lot of it).

My concern is that, mid stroke in some tarts boudoir, a gaggle or Waltencommandos will pop up screaming WALT! This might put me off my rhythm and cause a back blast - and no one wants that.

So, is this waltism, or am i exempt under the "gets a shag out of it" ruling (I think its number 6 in the rule book)?

I don't want to be outed on Arrse.
 

Drivers_lag

On ROPS
On ROPs
You are exempt from waltism under the shagging clause.

Funnily enough, I was discussing this with my mate only last night. I plan to do a little faith walting myself. I plan to pose as Fr O'Walty and blatantly go on the pis s round Donegal. See how much free ale I can blag and if I can get any shags from taboo lovers.

No matter what they say, Catholicism is still deep rooted in the Irish psyche so it should be good for a laugh.
 
You are exempt from waltism under the shagging clause.

I just checked in the "Shortt Guide to Walting" (2012 edition):

6. Any use of a false rank or position in any military, religious or government organization is acceptable if the sole purpose of the false rank or position is to obtain free sex.

Seems I am safe.
 
Why buy the collar? We had a catholic padre who made his out of the old round white fairy liquid bottles. Jobs jobbed.
 
I dispute the provenance of said dog collar. Surely it would smell of sadness and perversion? Also there would be wine stains. Lots of them.

And if Father Murphy was anywhere near it there would be a faint whiff of lavender and Vaseline.

Check again. You may have bought a Walts Dog collar.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
I was ordained online years ago. Dressing as a vicar got me no free drinks but jap tourists took pictures of my superman pants in Trafalgar Square.


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I was ordained online years ago. Dressing as a vicar got me no free drinks but jap tourists took pictures of my superman pants in Trafalgar Square.


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Sorry Chap, but I actually spat my coffee out when I read that.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I was ordained online years ago. Dressing as a vicar got me no free drinks but jap tourists took pictures of my superman pants in Trafalgar Square.


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Not forgetting the passersby who were shocked at a vicar smoking, drinking and swearing!!

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Not forgetting the passersby who were shocked at a vicar smoking, drinking and swearing!!

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Jarrod is Fr Jack!!!
 
Not forgetting the passersby who were shocked at a vicar smoking, drinking and swearing!!

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The smoking, drinking etc they could handle. It was the knocking one out in the shop doorway that raised the eyebrows......
 
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