Will I go to Jewish Hell?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by LordVonHarley, Sep 8, 2010.

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  1. I've just had the Jehovah Witnesses at the door, a pair of middle aged woman brimming with holiness and anti blood transfusions.
    Upon opening the door they swung straight into action, beaming massive smiles they asked "Why is there sooooooo much evil in the world?"
    "I'm Jewish" Giving them a big grin.
    Being confronted with a self confessed Christ killer stopped them in their tracks. Through gritted teeth one of them told me how nice it was to meet some one of faith before about turning and marching up the garden path.
    Normally you have to beat them with a stick to get their foot from you door as they try and convert you by showing you that only their god can save you from the fiery depths of hell.

    I'm not Jewish, but if a Menorah in the window keeps these soul sucking bible basher's away from my house call me Gideon and cut off my foreskin. :)

    How do other arrses dissuade JW's?
  2. A "Give Blood" window sticker in the form of a car's pertol gauge saying "Don't let us run out" was the equivalent to silver bullets and garlic when I was at home... A bloody apron and a severed goat's head works too, so I have been told...
  3. Normally by having a secure entry system and the abilty to switch off the door buzzer works for me!
  4. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Yes. You are going to Jewish Hell. Impersonating a Jew is just too stupid for words, and if there is one thing our Jewish bretheren is not, its stupid.

    Hell. A handcart will be provided.
  5. My next door neighbour uses a big, snarling alsation......seems to work on all unwanted door knockers.
  6. RP578

    RP578 LE Book Reviewer

    Israel's first Prime Minister, David Ben-Gurion, is quoted as having said, "I consider as Jewish anyone who is meshuge [crazy] enough to call themselves 'Jewish.'" Which i guess means that you're in the clear. Mazel tov!
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Will there be annoying Jehovah Witnesses there?
    What if I just become a righteous gentile, will that spare my bottom a roasting in the pits of hell and damnation?
  8. If a pair of middle aged women came to my abode then they'd be in the cellar now keeping Maddy company.
    • Like Like x 2
  9. You can only go to Jewish hell if you've scrim on your helmet, or you were a commandant of Auschwitz. As a matter of interest Oskar Schindler, despite his saving of 1200 Yids, still went to Jewish hell. It transpired he'd gone 'two's up" with Amon Goeth on a number of occasions.
  10. My ex Sister in Law was from a family of JW's.

    When she shacked up with my Bro her family refused to have anymore to do with her; she was considered the Anti Christ by the local JW clan.

    They came knocking on my door shortly after this and as soon as i mentioned her name we were immediately condemned as the Next anti christ !!!1

    That was 22 years ago and to this day we have not had any contact with the JW's Feckin Result !!!!
  11. msr

    msr LE

    Moshiach Walt..
  12. well as long as you didnt say you had converted to Islam, cos I anyone found out you had converted out of Islam ud be brown bread
  13. why we got a scientology banner at the bottom ?
  14. Jewish Hell is a General George without a sale on.
  15. My mother invited them in, gave them tea and biscuits and started debating the bible with them. She eventually let them leave four hours later. They never called again.
    • Like Like x 4