WHAT MEN EXPECT IN A WIFE * She will always be beautiful and cheerful. * She could marry a movie star, but wants only you. * She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops. * Her beauty wonât run in a rainstorm. * She will never be sickâjust allergic to jewelry and fur coats. * She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, itâs good for her figure. * She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet. * Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow. * She will hate credit cards. * Her favorite expression will be, âWhat can I do for you, Dear?â * She will think you have Einsteinâs brain but look like Mr. America. * She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some sewing done. * She will love you because youâre so sexy. WHAT MEN REALLY GET IN A WIFE * She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180. * She was once a model for a totem pole. * Where thereâs smoke, there she is,..... cooking. * Sheâs a light eaterâ¦once it gets light, she starts eating. * She lets you know you only have two faults: everything you do, and everything you say. * No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory. * If you get lost, open your wallet and sheâll find you.