Wife has ante natal depression/suicidal thoughts.....HELP.

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by The_Bandit, Nov 30, 2008.

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  1. Right here goes.

    I came home from work the other day and cracked on with my usual night routine, washing up, cooking tea, etc. After tea the missus disappeared and being the observant person I am (and engrossed on Call of Duty) I didn't notice for about 20 mins. When I did go and find her, she was in bed balling her eyes out.

    When I asked what was wrong she went into a tirade of babbling nonsense but what I did manage to decypher through the snot and tears was that she was fed up with:-
    her job,
    the fact she passes out pretty much once a day from low blood pressure,
    with being preganant,
    with my current post,
    and the fact that no-one from either of our families contact us (I'm not that bothered, less to spend at christmas),
    and the biggy.....no-one would notice if she wasn't here......ALARM BELLS!

    Now here is the big problem, I work in a trade school and the students are going on exercise this weekend and the SSM said I was going. When I told him I couldn't go because she keeps falling over in random places he seemed distant and not really willing to make a call on this. I did go on the exercise yesterday, but my oppo is supposed to be going down there today for the rest of the week. All sorted? Not really.

    I get a phone call this morning saying he saw me out the house last night and telling me I was going on Monday morning to finish the ex. When he asked why I was out the house I politely explained and then said:

    "you said you couldn't go because your wife is ill"

    Then I explained about the Depression and received a arrse chewing for not passing it up the CoC that my wife wants to kill herself, after being told to pack a bag because you are going on this exercise and to get a relative to call to check she's ok.

    Where do I stand on this. Who do I talk to?
  2. You need to contact your welfare office ASAP, or if no one is there then contact the Army Welfare Service. NOW!

    Use the your welfare office / officer first if no joy click on the link below they have their phone number listed.

    It would seem that your SSM is failing on their duty of care, you are not going to keep your mind on your job if you are worrying about your misses.

    AWS link

    Good luck, I hope all go OK for you.

  3. Call in at both the Padre and the local SAAFA, they will help. I expect more from your SSM to be honest, he should be all over this.

    Good luck with it chap.
  4. You should be shoutiing the bloody place down, your missus is seriously ill and she has to be your 1st priority. A-N Depression isn't something to take lightly. It's serious and it can kill.

    YOU are in the right here and anyone who says otherwise is seriously out of line.
  5. My Stepsons partner had exactly the same symptoms as your wifey.

    Went to see her G.P. after some pressure from my Wife.
    He put her on anti-depression pills on a short term basis , it did the trick.

    It,s getting her to admit she has a problem that needs Docs treatment. There is a stigma attached to getting help with what is in effect a mental not a physical state.

    Good luck to both of you.

  6. This may help mate, BOUNTY WEBSITE. My wife joined this website, your wife can speak/ask questions to mothers going through the same, she isn't the only person in the world going through this and talking to other's may help. I hope she gets better soon and I agree that medical care is of the upmost importence now.

    Take care mate, hope the wife get well soon.
  7. Thanks for the advice guys, she as well as myself realise there is a stigma attached to the whole depression/welfare thing.

    I know this is probably selfish but i dont wanna step outside the CoC due to the call I got this morning. He's already said Ill be in front of the Tp Comd & OC for failing to tell him she was suicidal.

    But at what stage should I need to tell him this. Surely the fact she keeps bloody fainting everywhere should be good enough for him to take some kind of action. that and the fact she doesn't want it common knowledge at work (small unit).
  8. Bowmore_Assassin

    Bowmore_Assassin LE Moderator Book Reviewer


    1st, speak to your Troop Commander whi is your immediate chain of command. Tell him whats happened and then you and him go to see the SSM. If you believe your wife is seriously depressed and you believe she is having suicidal thoughts - do not take this lightly - your wife is now your priority and depression can kill if it is not treated right and quickly.

    Second ask Tp Comd for permission to not deploy on ex. If he and SSM insists on you going on ex, tell him your wife's health is at risk and you need to speak to the OC ASAP. Then tell him you are calling the the Padre, the Unit Welfare Officer, SAAFA and the AWS. Then do it - call them now.

    Your wife needs help and you need to make that happen whether she wants people to know or not. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, especially that related to pregnancy.

    Good luck.

    Aother edit: You have every right to go to the Padre - you are not stepping out of the CoC. Likewise, UWOs are there for a reason - use him/her via the CoC. I would be very surprised f your Tp Cpmd/SSM and OC did not get the UWO or Padre in immediately once you lay it out to them.
  9. That´s what I´d tell you to do too. :roll:

    Speak to Welfare Office, Padre, Midwife or similar. The Midwife may be the better option. I had some dramas earlier in my Mrs´pregnancy (coincided with a posting) and the MW was well on side for a bit of CoC bashery.

    Although it would have been better to see the CoC firstest.
  10. Mate with the best will in the world the biggist problem I get with the boys and girls is when they step outside the CoC to try and "manage" things themselves.

    Like you said there is a perception of stigma "admin case" or "problem child" but its perception. Get the CoC involved it becomes their problem also and they can rally support from all agencies and ensure you get the support you need too.

    Your going to have to take that one on the chin, dont bullshit an excuse just be honest. I'm sure you were stressing yourself out so made a couple of poor decisions. Thats about as far as you need to go.
  11. The_Bandit,

    Your welfarfe office officer and the AWS, have have Code of Confidentalty. They will not say or tell anyone, unless there is a risk that they may harm themselves or others, or a breach of security etc. They are not going to start shouting from the roof tops that Mrs Bandit has depression etc.

    Let your SSM bring you infront of your OC, what are they going to do? The fact you have informed the SSM
    he has failed in his duty of care and trying to cover his arrse. You told him about the situation, he is not a doctor and does not have the qualifactions to diagnose are has suicidal.

    Some of the unit welfare staff are quite nice like my wife who has been telling me wat to write!

    Hope all goes OK mate.

  12. Cheers for the support I think I needed a bit of a kick up the arrse to be honest. Right Im going to call the man in the know. Thanks again
  13. pm sent Bandit
  14. Just a quick thank you for all the advice and support.. Hopefully it'll all be resolved tomorrow and Mrs Bandit will get better.
  15. Sorry to butt in mate, but you can, in the nicest possible way, inform him that you are not qualified to make that diagnosis.

    I stuck some medication info in below. Wellbutrin would seem a fair bet, but be aware these things take time to kick in. Get SAFFA (sp.) involved ASAP my experience with this group of fine people leads me to believe that they will be on your wife like white on rice.

    Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)
    Citalopram (Celexa) Associated with a rare but serious newborn lung problem (persistent pulmonary hypertension of the newborn, or PPHN) when taken during the last half of pregnancy Consider as an option during pregnancy
    Fluoxetine (Prozac, Sarafem) Associated with PPHN when taken during the last half of pregnancy Consider as an option during pregnancy
    Paroxetine (Paxil) Associated with fetal heart defects when taken during the first three months of pregnancy Avoid during pregnancy
    Sertraline (Zoloft) Associated with PPHN when taken during the last half of pregnancy Consider as an option during pregnancy
    Tricyclic antidpressants
    Amitriptyline Suggested risk of limb malformation in early studies, but not confirmed with newer studies Consider as an option during pregnancy
    Nortriptyline (Pamelor) Suggested risk of limb malformation in early studies, but not confirmed with newer studies Consider as an option during pregnancy
    Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs)
    Phenelzine (Nardil) May cause a severe increase in blood pressure that triggers a stroke Avoid during pregnancy
    Tranylcypromine (Parnate) May cause a severe increase in blood pressure that triggers a stroke Avoid during pregnancy
    Other antidepressants
    Bupropion (Wellbutrin) No established risks during pregnancy Consider as an option during pregnancy