Why so many scumbag soldiers?

Now, not all of us are, some of us are respectable individuals of good moral standing. But then some of us aren't. Some of them would also steal from their fellow soldier and one in particular has stolen my bike.

Been away from camp for a bit, bike was chained up in the kitchen (no bike racks on camp or space elsewhere). Well, this unscrupulous fellow dismantled the rails to which the bike was attached and done one. I'd even removed the wheels! Still didn't matter, an expensive bike is worth buying new bits for.

I fully expect the thief to have taken the bike away in their car to a far away housing estate from where they crawled from, and wouldn't be stupid enough to cycle around this very small camp on it where I could spot them, but if I do see them on it, what shall I do?

Bike is very distinct and German so not a common one in this country and therefore little chance of false accusations and I could easily prove it is mine. But would reporting them to the RMP be enough? What would happen? They'd just claim they found it laying around and thought it was dumped. Caught red handed doesn't mean absolute proof they stole it, and the RMP are shit at crimes anyway.

So yeah, bike thief, if you're that retarded that I see you riding about on it, I'm going to hurt you, a lot.


I had the same at Middle Wallop. I was gonna smack the **** out of whoever I found riding it round camp, told the OC I was going to just rugby tackle whoever was on it regardless of rank if I caught them, informed kit insurance, had it put on orders asking for it to be returned and phoned the RMPs.

Several days later I had a phone call from MT telling me to come and get me bike I'd left outside the MT office! ;-) What a complete fuckin retard! Not my words; that was the RMPs that I unreported the theft to. (In my defence; I was sober.)


Well you'll need a crime number if you want to make a claim on your insurance.

I say if you saw someone riding it let there car tyres down and super glue their locks, obviously this won't work if they don't have a car.
Don't have bike insurance as I thought I'd always maintained good bike security and also thought it would never happen to me! Proved me wrong, thieves can steal anything, regardless of chainage!
Alaway worth getting your last 3 or that welded underneath the bike were the crank goes or smart water it and take a photogragh with you next ot it pikey cnuts
Same applies across most male dominated occupations. Try leaving your gear for 2 minutes on a North West building site..

I talked the bank into giving me an overdraft to buy a second hand car and took it out in cash ready to go pick it up that afternoon. I put the grand in my locker, locked it, went and played rugby and returned an hour and a half later. Opened locker, took out dhobi kit and wash bag and again, locked my locker and went to the heads. Came back in my room, got dry and into shorts and t shirt and shut my eyes on my pit for about half an hour leaving my locker unlocked but closed.

Woke up, instictively knew something was wrong and opened my locker doors to see a solitary £20 note sat all lonely and forlorn on the shelf.

******* snapped........................................................................

There were 15 lads in the block that Saturday, 10 were on the lash, 2 had played rugby with me and were at the far end of the block doing pretty much what I was doing, 1 was in his room with his bird and one more was galley bound with his newspapers scranning brunch for England.

Fact is, I sort of knew who it was, he knew I sort of knew, he knew that others were twigging on and planning naughty things but I wasnt exactly sure so to this day I dont think it would have been fair to unload on him.

It wasnt the £980 that went that bothered me the most, it was the fact that the **** thought he was doing me a favour by leaving me £20 to get through the weekend on :)


Book Reviewer
Have the RMP removed it thinking that it was already robbed i.e. it had no wheels and was chained for weeks to some railings
It might be lying around the back of the guardroom
I have kit insurance, but you need separate bike insurance on top of that and I didn't have a bike when I took the kit insurance out! And I'm sure the standard level of cover still wouldn't have covered the value of my bike!

This is why we can't have nice things!
Not being pedantic or anything, but it definitely wasn't a bike, it was a cycle frame.... you still have the bi bits. :)
Sounds like sunami has a frame, but needs 1 or 2 bits to complete his new bike


War Hero
Frames can still cost a serious amount of money, complete with the groupset. I feel for you. I often lock up my bike in the office thinking it would be safe and leave it for a few days. However, I decided to include the bikes on the kit insurance for this posting, but the premiums are horrific. I suppose it is because there is such a market in good bikes that the premiums are so high. And, for the comment that you should put the postcode on the bottom - two problems with this; carbon frames do not like being stamped and which postcode do you put when you are posted every 2 yrs?


Book Reviewer


If it was indeed a fellow squad, the pilfering pikey little mong needs to be filled in so as not to illicit any further headaches.

Once the cnut is out of MRS have the twot again, then get the Gimps in.


Advertise the two wheels for sale & see who turns up to buy them, then knock the **** out of them!

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