Why my new car is better than jarrods new car

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheIronDuke, May 31, 2012.

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  1. The Iron Duke, obviously. He is a Nordic Sex God.

    1.4%
  2. jarrod. He is a nurse and one day I may be ill

    13.0%
  3. Get a ******* room you pair of sad bastards

    46.4%
  4. Isnt it about time we had a whip round for Dales pony?

    39.1%

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Apart from the fact that my new car was not driven back from Stuttgart with my dear sister squirming Haribo's into the Connolly leather seats with her arse and screaming "YOU NAZI FUCKING BASTARDS WE'LL DO YOU NEXT TIME IN ALL YOU CUNTS" at a poor photocopier salesmen from Koln who was just trying to get home.

    Apart from that...

    We start on a fairly level playing field. Neither of us want some cunt in a cheap suit showing us what the buttons do. That is a puffs move and whilst me and jerrod may be called many things, a puff is not one of them. Not if you find your legs useful. We know how to use a steering wheel and some pedals, so off we go.

    I'll start shall I? Good.

    I noticed some little clear plastic strip sticking out from the inside of the windscreen, off of the door pillar. I assumed it was some factory tat that had been overlooked on the PDI so I tried to pull it off. But it was stuck.

    Turns out, it is to slide your parking ticket under. So the parking attendant doesn't have to squint to see it.

    I am sure jerrod will be here soon with some thing his new car has got, which mine has not.

    Just as soon as he has got a hang on the steering wheel - pedals interface.
     
  2. Jarrod's car came with "soft furnishings". Apparently - he's even got net curtains on his rear windows.
     
  3. So what motor have you got then?
     
  4. TID, if you've gone and bought a fucking Nissan nobody here will ever speak to you again......
    Whatever it is, it had better have been built buy a bloke that sounds like Noddy Holder in the outer edges of Birmingham.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  5. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    I got a Chevrolet Spark. Dunno what jarrod got. You'd have to ask him.
     
  6. Do they come with a V8?
     
  7. Have you found the button that operates the ticket holder yet?
     
  8. From the sound of it he´s got a nice shiney Merc(Picked up from the factory in Stuttgart) And he had the chance to give it some welly on the Autobahn :w00t:
     
  9. Jarrod's car, yesterday

    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 2
  10. did you get a towbar fitted on it?
     
  11. A gentleman with your style and panache - A Chevrolet Spark? Are you having us on? Iron Duke, you have gone down in my estimation. You are obviously a 75 year old grandmother.
     
  12. If he's bought something called a Cheverolet Spark he is no gentleman.
     
  13. Your grace I'm sure your car is very lovely but does it do 0-50 miles in 3 3/4 hours?
    I'd a notion to stay overnight in Calais but the dirty cheese munchers turned us away from 14 hotels because we were English and lied about some public holiday. Dover was very nice though and they spoke some English.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  14. I always thought Dukey drove around in a DB5, or was carried around his estates on a palanquin borne on the backs of 50 slaves


    I bet Js Bedford could turn his motor into spare parts
     
  15. I bet Jarrod's Bedford could out-drag it from the lights.