Why do we do it?

Discussion in 'Lonely Hearts' started by Tinker, Sep 4, 2006.

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  1. Last year I had a fling with a lad who treated me like shit, he was always letting me down at a minutes notice blaming it on his job, and to my shame I put up with it time and time again. The worse he treated me the more I wanted him, and for some bizarre reason I worshiped the ground he walked on. He finally ended it in a particularly cruel manner earlier this year.

    Now after licking my wounds for a couple of months iv started seeing someone new, he treats me well, he’s far better looking that the other guy, good civvy job, gorgeous new house and respects me fully, he’s even better In bed than the other guy, so why when we were getting jiggy at the weekend was I thinking of the fatherless from before?

    This got me thinking, I know loads of girls, who are attractive, independent, successful in their chosen careers, emotionally secure, funny and in short perfect girlfriend material, (sadly these girls I talk of are friends and not me!) who spend years happily single, turning down offers from successful attractive men only to fall for the guy’s who treat them like something they have trodden in and then are shocked and heartbroken when the inevitable happens and they dump them, and why do these blokes treat them so shoddily when they have obviously done well to pull these girls in the 1st place.

    So as I can’t afford counselling session why is this? And on the flip side of StabTiffy2B’s The Eternal Question of the Nice guy vs. the B*stard. Why do blokes never know when they are onto a good thing, and why do women want what they can’t have?
     
  2. Tinker, have you invariably gone for b*stards?

    ...... and they treat them shoddily , because it's a control thing. Some of the biggest b*stards are also incredibly insecure and immature.

    They manage to land a looker, or a bright girl and immediately get possesive and insecure. So the way they deal with it, is to pull her down emotionally , plant self-doubt , behave like inconsiderate clowns, which of course confuses and reduces her to an emotional wreck, and increases her dependence on them.

    Watch out for erratic phone calls , followed by the odd caring one, if he senses you have the arrse, or plenty of "I'm really busy" or "Oh I have other plans you're not involved in" Cat and mouse, Carrott and stick , you're paying for his insecurity issues.

    You're left wondering what the hell is going on, and what you've done wrong, when in fact , it's his insecurity and trying to establish control of the relationship that is causing you grief, worry and insecurity.

    The biggest warning you're dating a b*stard, is nothing you ever do is quite good enough , what you wear, the job you do , what you drive, who your friends are. Of course he's only pointing these things out , "because he cares"

    Paying more than your fair share is a giveaway too, he never has any money, not occasionally, but near enough always, and he always has a good excuse as to why this is so.

    The proper b*stard knows how to get you to pay for everything, and how to finely balance showing you just enough affection , for you to seize on every nice thing he does as the Holy Grail , whilst simultaneously treating you like crap, spending your money and treating you like a sp*nk dump.

    Oh, he'll have a really good sob story too , which he'll fall back on , when you're getting in his face for treating you like sh*t . Is any shag worth that?

    Do you find you're phoning, texting or e-mailing him far more often than he does you? Are you constantly making the greater part of the effort? Are you the one making all the sacrifices?

    The very biggest bastards, are the ugly, insecure, immature cretins, that have landed a prize girlie by sheer chance or exploiting an obvious weakness, and then proceed to stop her believing in herself.

    I dated a girl who'd been worked over so effectively by one of these types, that she seriously had issues with her looks/weight in spite of the fact she is a very very serious stunner , and incredibly talented at what she does. "Oh you're not that good looking, you're overweight and I don't think you'll ever be good at what you do , but I stay with you, because I love you , and that's what you have to remember"

    He worked her over so hard, he left her an emotional cripple, and incredibly hard work for any guy that took her on, because she stopped believing in herself, and sought constant assurances on her looks and ability to the point of obsession.

    If the guy you are dating, does not encourage you to be all you can be, does not do his fair share in the relationship and regards you as his Piggy bank, your "Potential b*stard" flag should be up.
     
  3. women are drawn to the alpha male, which by definition is one who will think of himself first. This has developed because, historically the guy at the top was the best bet for reproduction and securing resources.

    If you really want the 'nice guy', you will have to be diciplined and aware that you cannot have everything.

    Hope it helps.

    SC
     
  4. I have to ask ?

    "he’s even better In bed than the other guy, so why when we were getting jiggy at the weekend was I thinking of the fatherless from before? "

    Why was you thinking of someone else at that particular time.????????

    Outside looking in, i'd say your still on the rebound and still have feelings for the fatherless one.
     
  5. If you’re looking for your next fartherless then look no further.
    I’ll treat you like poo, never call, and I’m a selfish shag.

    How about it? :D
     
  6. Oh iv suffered angst!!

    Seriously though I myself tend not to get involved with people, its just unfortunate that the one I did turned out to be a T***. But no generally I don’t go for b*stards, as I say the bloke on the go at the min is lovely, and I cant understand why I was thinking of the said fatherless.
     
  7. Look here Tinker; You chicks just dig us nasty blokes. It's like genetics or something. As a slight aside some of us nasty b*stards also have good jobs, nice houses and are able to produce good looking, advanced and super-strong spawn. Some of us (ignore Goku, he's not a proper evil bloke) even have shiny gongs to show off aswell.

    Now Stop mincing about it and trombone me. Job done.
     
  8. It is a common misconception, that Alpha males exist in human society.
    From an anthropological veiwpoint, we would never have made it to the top of the food chain without a cooperative society, which precludes the existence of a single dominant male.
    Tinker, it is the nature of all living creatures, with the possible exception of nursing mothers, to be selfish. Why would a bloke take the time and effort to treat you well, when he can still get what he wants from you, without bothering. If you allow people to treat you badly, they will do.
    The key word here is INCENTIVISATION.
     
  9. I'm a right fcuking fat chauvanist, hairy arsed, foul mouthed pig but already in that strange sort of way that you mentioned, you are falling for me. PM me for a sh!t time.
     
  10. i knew you'd come back to me baby!
     
  11. Er, yea, hi Tinker, er, ( :? ) I've missed ya' a little bit....
     
  12. I'd echo sandmanfez on this one - they do it because women let them.

    Some women seem to have a gap in their common sense filter, or maybe they just can't work out how some men's minds work. They fall for some b@stard as he's exciting and sexy, maybe even pulling him away from a current girlfriend. That by the way is not a victory, it does not mean you are different - it just means that he gets bored of women easily and shuns committment.

    Then they delude themselves that they're different, that they'll be the one to change him, to tame him ... and of course he walks away as soon as the next one flashes her eyelids. He did it before, he'll do it again - why are you different ?

    Say hello to reality ladies - if he gets casual sex without effort and is not interested in a relationship then he's not going to stay around. To him you're not a "good thing", you're the latest in a long line of casual sh@gs. They do not see themslves as "doing well" to pull you, they just think "another one, that was easy".
     
  13. We never had to fight to get the the top of the food chain as we were always at the top of it :p therefore applying the Alpha male principle as though we were a lower species is suspect. Of course we have Alpha males :twisted: - but they, being a higher species, co operate- a bit (well in theory, sometimes)
    Not something Tinker can achieve on her own. Society is merrily providing the easy option for men to get what they want ie Sex without them neccessarily providing women with what they need from them, so if Tinker makes a stand and insists on the level of good behaviour she feels she wants she will likely end up completely discarded by most men (and certainly by the Alpha males), in favour of one of the many lower maintenance type of women- sex half way through the first date anyone? Unless she is a beauty or has other above average qualities- the mere witholding of sex just isn't enough of a bargaining tool nowadays to get men to behave well.
     
  14. What you mean is Q: why do Bstards never know when they're onto a good thing?

    A: They think they are onto a good thing, time after time.

    Q: Why do women want what they can't have?

    A: Simple, everybody wants what they cant have... that's why its called wanting. Mr B could have you so he didn't want you... You can't have Mr B, so you want him.

    I've been Mr B (please believe me - I'm reformed) and I ended up marrying the one girl who binned me. I suddenly woke up and wondered what she had that the other girls didn't.... that's right... she had the fact that she'd decided she was better than me and what's more that I couldn't have her. As a punishment I've been doing the cleaning and washing for a decade and I also change all the nappies of all the babies she's made me give birth to.

    some parts of this post aren't true... and PS GOKU... stop that! you're turning me on!
     
  15. Try telling that to a Tyrannosaurus Rex. :roll:
     
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