Why do I attract them?

#1
Ahhh....good morning my unusal shade of green bereted (real word?) friends!

I've not been on for quite a while, but have to share my experience this week of having a builder round to quote me for some work.

Why is this Bootie Bastard posting this crap on here I hear you all shout. Well because the first words out of this chaps mouth were "I'm ex Navy and Special Forces and spent a long time at Chick Sands"

I'm going through yet another mid life crisis and have grown my hair and a bread. I'm told that I look like a young Chuck Norris, so I don't look too ex mil...... LOL

So with my builders opening statement I asked "Have you done the SF Commando Para course at Hereford then?"

"I've done lots of courses, but I can't talk about them, but I also ran Special Operations in Europe for the US Government" He replied.

With my wife kicking me under the table I asked one last question - "Were you a Captain in the Navy with your own ship then?"

"N0" he replied, "I was a Petty Officer"

Well heres his website - www.smithproperty.co.uk

Enjoy

Jim
 
#3
rickshaw-major said:
How did you manage to grow a bread? :D
Loafing around?









Taxi!
 
#4
It's like a beard, with things stuck in it that you can eat if you find yourself in a SF, Commando, Para survival situation........ :wink:

Jim
 
#5
Are you building a boathouse?
 
#7
Simon Smith:
24 Years HM Forces
Survival
Security
Intelligence
2 Years US Government
Director for personnel Recovery (Europe)
Springfir Estates
Canon (UK) Ltd
Smith Property
Knobcheese cultivator
Throbber
Flange
Lying pikey Tw@t
 
#8
Director for personnel Recovery (Europe)

What does the above mean:

A - Specialising in K&R negotiations?

B - Being the Duty Driver and picking up pissed up Squaddies, Booties, Matlotes or Crabs from their run ashore?

Jim
 
#9
jim4244 said:
Director for personnel Recovery (Europe)

What does the above mean:

A - Specialising in K&R negotiations?

B - Being the Duty Driver and picking up pissed up Squaddies, Booties, Matlotes or Crabs from their run ashore?

Jim
There must be better ways to pick up crabs after a run ashore
 
#10
jim4244 said:
Director for personnel Recovery (Europe)

What does the above mean:

A - Specialising in K&R negotiations?

B - Being the Duty Driver and picking up pissed up Squaddies, Booties, Matlotes or Crabs from their run ashore?

Jim
I guess he means extraction of kidnapping, inter family or similar.
(Or counter kidnapping). :lol:
 
#11
Not a bad spread of business activities that. Presumably he can redesign and build your kitchen whilst rescuing your family and your yacht from Somali pirates. Impressive!
 
#12
I notice on his website that there is a 'contact us' section where you can choose from a drop down list on how you heard of his services. Would just like to point out that unfortunately there is not an option for 'someone flagged you up as a Walter on the web'...

which is a shame...
 
#13
True2Blue said:
jim4244 said:
Director for personnel Recovery (Europe)

What does the above mean:

A - Specialising in K&R negotiations?

B - Being the Duty Driver and picking up pissed up Squaddies, Booties, Matlotes or Crabs from their run ashore?

Jim
I guess he means extraction of kidnapping, inter family or similar.
(Or counter kidnapping). :lol:
Kidnap and Ransom I guess. Do keep up. ;)
 
#14
I can tell you a speshul course he never did. Spelling! From the Enquiry Link

All fields require some vlaue. If not availabel please put n/a :D
 
#15
Simon Smith ! Didn't he have an Amazing Dancing Bear ?

Maybe he's the real Simon the Spyman using yet another pseudonym.

Must be the one he recovered from Eastern Europe !
 
#16
HIGHLANDER_SPY said:
Simon Smith ! Didn't he have an Amazing Dancing Bear ?
Yes he did - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8zI5xjwKYw

Anyway, I would be more concerned about these idiot's qualifications. I mean, if I wanted someone to do some building work on my property I would rather see evidence of building trades City & Guilds qualifications on their CV than some bullsh*t about military experience (unless of course he was in the RE's and has a recognised trade!).

It's a bit like trying to advertise a security and close protection company by saying that you are a qualified landscape gardener and brickie.

:? :? :?

Mind you, I had an OC once who claimed to be a soldier - he even had his own uniform but he didn't fool me.

:wink:

Rodney2q
 
#17
Seeing as he `is in the open` :oops:

Simon Smith: yes that is him !

24 Years HM Forces - about right

Survival - was RN Instructor at JSIW/RN SERE

Security - not that I am aware although it could have been security of semen !

Intelligence - Not that I am aware, although a lot of peeps get mixed up when they are attached. Helps the CV to the to the uneducated ! Luckily he has not billed himself as a `Special Intelligence Officer` (SIO) as some people do !.

2 Years US Government - in a roundabout way !

Director for personnel Recovery (Europe) - no idea what that is !

Springfir Estates - whatever !

Canon (UK) Ltd - no idea - photocopier salesman !
Smith Property - ?????
Knobcheese cultivator - more than likely
Throbber - as above
Flange - ditto
Lying pikey Tw@t - about 30% !

TMA at your service
 
#18
Lying Piket Twat - 30%

What I meant was about 30% (conservative) of what the throbber says is/was truth !

Wonder if he does `pointing` ?
 
#19
The_Marsh_Arabist said:
Lying Piket t**t - 30%

What I meant was about 30% (conservative) of what the throbber says is/was truth !

Wonder if he does `pointing` ?
Feck me - he's a Gun Dog as well?
 
#20
Nah, he's a brick layer.
 

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