Why do I attract them?

Discussion in 'Int Corps' started by jim4244, Sep 4, 2009.

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  1. Ahhh....good morning my unusal shade of green bereted (real word?) friends!

    I've not been on for quite a while, but have to share my experience this week of having a builder round to quote me for some work.

    Why is this Bootie Bastard posting this crap on here I hear you all shout. Well because the first words out of this chaps mouth were "I'm ex Navy and Special Forces and spent a long time at Chick Sands"

    I'm going through yet another mid life crisis and have grown my hair and a bread. I'm told that I look like a young Chuck Norris, so I don't look too ex mil...... LOL

    So with my builders opening statement I asked "Have you done the SF Commando Para course at Hereford then?"

    "I've done lots of courses, but I can't talk about them, but I also ran Special Operations in Europe for the US Government" He replied.

    With my wife kicking me under the table I asked one last question - "Were you a Captain in the Navy with your own ship then?"

    "N0" he replied, "I was a Petty Officer"

    Well heres his website - www.smithproperty.co.uk


  2. How did you manage to grow a bread? :D
  3. Loafing around?

  4. It's like a beard, with things stuck in it that you can eat if you find yourself in a SF, Commando, Para survival situation........ :wink:

  5. Are you building a boathouse?
  6. Thinking about it.........What colour would you suggest

  7. Simon Smith:
    24 Years HM Forces
    2 Years US Government
    Director for personnel Recovery (Europe)
    Springfir Estates
    Canon (UK) Ltd
    Smith Property
    Knobcheese cultivator
    Lying pikey Tw@t
  8. Director for personnel Recovery (Europe)

    What does the above mean:

    A - Specialising in K&R negotiations?

    B - Being the Duty Driver and picking up pissed up Squaddies, Booties, Matlotes or Crabs from their run ashore?

  9. There must be better ways to pick up crabs after a run ashore
  10. I guess he means extraction of kidnapping, inter family or similar.
    (Or counter kidnapping). :lol:
  11. Not a bad spread of business activities that. Presumably he can redesign and build your kitchen whilst rescuing your family and your yacht from Somali pirates. Impressive!
  12. I notice on his website that there is a 'contact us' section where you can choose from a drop down list on how you heard of his services. Would just like to point out that unfortunately there is not an option for 'someone flagged you up as a Walter on the web'...

    which is a shame...
  13. Kidnap and Ransom I guess. Do keep up. ;)
  14. I can tell you a speshul course he never did. Spelling! From the Enquiry Link

    All fields require some vlaue. If not availabel please put n/a :D
  15. Simon Smith ! Didn't he have an Amazing Dancing Bear ?

    Maybe he's the real Simon the Spyman using yet another pseudonym.

    Must be the one he recovered from Eastern Europe !