Why do hotels make you horny?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hector_Chavez_V, Jan 25, 2012.

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  1. I'm currently darting between London and Surrey squaring some things away, as a result of that I'm tucked away in the Thistle off Oxford St and to be frank I'm hornier than a fucking Tom cat with 3 balls.
    I've been here a few days and in that time I've had 2 hotel visits (courtesy of the ubiquitous postcards in London phone boxes) to get my knob polished, have been ripping the head off at every available opportunity and even propositioned the little nip who popped in to clean my room.
    I'm running out of ideas and have just teased one out over a picture of Dakota Fanning in an Elle mag that was in the room.

    Does anyone local fancy letting me feast on your wifes/daughters moistened lady parts? (i won't take long)
    And why the fuck do Hotels bring out the Marquis De Sade in you?

    Your hotel dits please ..............
     
  2. It's not hotels it's the tiny bit of freedom.
     
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  3. I feel your pain, I was caught wanking next to a Travelodge not 2 hours ago!
     
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  4. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Just the whiff of shake and vac reminds me of Premier Inns and travel lodges, responsible for absorbing a good few litres of my DNA.

    Just driving past and seeing the sign is enough to set my wand into over drive, usually spending the rest of the journey teasing my bulb through my trolleys until I'm in a position to do a complete Beirut unload.

    The only thought of checking out two hours after you checked in, read faced giving the game away that you were going to bum someone is the thought that the bedding had been used for the exact same thing by a dirty great musky bottomed ape only an hour earlier.
     
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  5. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    No idea what the science is behind it, but it is true.

    I had a Brucey bonus while doing my resettlement course. They booked me into a truly gash hotel near the Uni that was running the course. Even though it was only half an hour from my flat, I decided to take advantage of the hotel anyway and get some peace from the missus for a few days. Also it meant I could roll out of bed hungover to fuck each day and be at the course five minutes later.

    Anyway to cut a long story short, a previous occupant had left some top quality European porn mags in the bedside drawer and I threw myself around that room like a chimp with a wasp sting in it's arse.

    I later wrote a snottogram to the course provider saying the hotel was inadequate and had disgusting pornographic material in the room, which got me a refund on some of the course costs.

    Win.
     
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  6. Last night someone was panning the fuck out of some bird, the rhythmic 'bang bang' of the bed through the wall gave me a pan handle that you could bang a coffin nail in with.

    The cards in the phone boxes are awesome, first one I had was a little Spanish thing over here as a Student, I'd had a couple of drinks and had her squatting over my face whilst I tugged my rod, all for £100 :)
     
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  7. Travelodges bedsheets were invented for watersports, I do wonder what the Philipino maid makes of all the stains she must encounter on her endeavours?
     
  8. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    May I suggest the gentleman visits Adultwork.com? There is even a mobile app now.

    Whoring on the go for the modern man about town. It's the future.
     
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  9. Fuck knows but I asked the one that dhobied my room if she had a boyfriend and it went down like a lead balloon.
     
  10. Fucking lezzer!
     
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  11. Her endeavours... is that some kind of lady's-wear? :)
     
  12. Whenever I've stayed in a Hotel recently someone else has been paying for it. Which is nice - the only issue is getting the porn through on the extras tab.

    If you're at the Thistle you should get yourself over to China White's - you'll be able to save £100 (er... apart from the entrance and bar tab that is) It's still going strong and full of out of towner birds who are trying to be part of scene. Actually, as you were. Go for the dial-a-screw it will probably work out cheaper.

    They all say they are students by the way - 'I don't normally do this but I've got my tuition fees to pay....' I love it.
     
  13. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Has she kicked you out?

    I've done a few Alan Partridge sentences, they always come round in the end but you get the added bonus of lay ins, no hassle, wanking at will and dial a whore.
     

  14. Naw....on a SSAFA Mentoring course!
     
  15. Get yourself down to HMS President next to Tower Bridge- sure a couple of the wrens there will see to your needs ;)