Why do (ex) Pongos have to be portrayed as knobs?

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Maple, Sep 12, 2006.

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  1. Mrs Maple is watching East Enders, once again they have an ex-army character that is a ****, why? Most pongos I encountered (RWF, KOSB, REME, RE, Int etc) were good hearted ‘cheeky chappy’ blokes, loyal to their mates and all the rest of the good stuff – so why always the bad guy, psychos or loser types in soaps? (Lofty, the thin Mitchell etc)

    Are all script writers twats or what?
  2. Yes all script writers are ****. That and soap operas are purile tat at best and not real, although some people belive they are.
  3. I see it the way you see it Maple. Soaps and other naff patrionising TV shows are an excellent vehicle to show a topic and positively enlighten the mong viewer. With the many sad, sad deaths of our comrades in Helmund Province I think now would be a good time to bring some current affairs into the script. Show us as the hard working military that we are. Tug on the heart strings a little. The ex soldier could be scripted as a top man bringing some back bone to an otherwise dreary and depressing show. Shame they went down the easy route.
  4. The problem is when Mrs Maple said that ‘they’ are all thugs, she’s not stupid, she just comes from a world where the Armed Forces are virtually invisible and all stereotypes are firmly in place. I’m tempted to make her watch ‘Warriors’ just for balance but what can be done for the rest of humanity?
  5. At least one half of the Phil and Grant duo is a Para in their backstory.

    What a fine example....
  6. was one of them a marine too? I seem to remember something about ether one or both having at one point been in the Green and/or Maroon machine. thou this was from turning on to the show about 10 yrs ago in a bored moment.
  7. same reason as sailors are portrayed as "poofs".............................. oh wait a minute though :wink: :wink: :wink: :wink:
  8. Was a Para. Not too many years ago I caught a glimpse of Phil grant at the end of a run as he was trying to get fit to rejoin the Para's. It seems no actor can act tired as if they've just finished a run. Splash a bit of water on, talk a bit breathless and that's it? Anyway, story withered I believe.
  9. Unfortunately, the top dramas are controlled by the “Lovie brigade” who see all things black lesbian, dungaree wearing single mother or homosexual or paedophile or underage relationship stories as “right on” and raising the ignorant “Joe publics” social awareness and tolerance of these issues.

    Thug baby killing, philandering, psychopath ex soldiers are right up their street for “artistic effect”

    Hard working, loyal, courageous, honest, family orientated soldiers, who do their job in extreme circumstances then fade back in to society (except for the odd social night!!!!) do not titillate and are therefore not deemed worthy
  10. All serving soldiers are shown with long hair and outrageous berets
  11. Anyone seen that film, Dead Mans Shoes? It's pretty good actually, but the main character in that is an ex squaddie, no refernece is made to what regiment/role he had and he is never shown as a soldier, but he does play an unhinged psycopath, kind of an anti hero.

    The Christian Bale film, Harsh Times, has a similar background story.
  12. Phil and grant were both PARAS, IIRC

    CAARPS, hit the nail there though, social awareness raising and all that, I see something different, half the buggars don't work, so they fiddle the benefit sys, they all eat crap whether in beale's cafe or his chippy. and they are all alcoholics, "oh, i've got no money to go up town, let go to the vic then!"

    My 6yo has watched it that much over the years that she even talks like a badly impersonated londoner!
  13. Remember 'Civvies'? There was even a closet gay bloke. "Oi Frank, I love you"! (retch)

  14. Here's a piece with that mentioned:

    Ultimate Force back [again]!

    XXXXXXX received a phone call from DoK to remind him that our sometime Eastender Grant Mitchell, sometime ex-para, sometime thug, sometime bar staff and possible Neanderthal bros of Phil Mitchell had once again put his papers up and joined the SAS for five weeks. D also reminded P that a certain newspaper had stated that Ultimate force was known as ‘Ultimate farce’ amongst those who know about such things. P laughed and D reminded him that xxx had been referring to it as Ultimate farce since the show had begun.

    The first 2 hour stretch on 29/04 was titled ‘The Changing of the Guard’.
    In this rip-roaring episode Red Troop are sent to a former Soviet state where a ruthless group kidnaps the young daughters of a newly arrived diplomat.

    Not only that but Henno ‘Grant – can I talk freely Boss’ Garvie loses his control over the Troop as they are joined by a Rupert, who takes sole control - Captain Patrick Fleming. [Any relation to Bob ‘cough’ Fleming one must ask]. There’s also a Scot, Trooper Finn Younger, who is a trained sniper who also joins them.

    To ruthlessly paraphrase the story; Henno doesn’t like the Rupert; his trusty troop expect Henno to get shot of him soonest. In the plane Finn boasts he can take a bloke out with a single shot at 1000M and is also disliked – he’s not one of us.
    Whilst enroute to a training mission with GSG-9 in a Hercules the two daughters of a diplomat are captured by what appear to be Spetsnaz troops.
    Our fearless Red Troop parachute in from the Herc on static line. [Just think the makers could have lost half hour if a HALO jump was shewn]. You even get to see Henno touchdown. Mind you, he hasn’t actually jumped – plainly obvious a crane or winch is in use. He was going so slow that he didn’t have to fall over to break the fall– but he did and probably out of boredom!

    Once on the plot Capt Rupert Fleming – cough cough – leaves Henno behind to look after the fort whilst they track the girls and their captors.

    Luckily the diplomat has given one of the girls his – wait for this one – diplomatic watch. Not only does it tell the time and have more dials than the flight deck of Concorde but it has a GPS enabled device to allow easy tracking via a laptop under Henno’s care as he gets left behind.

    Whilst in base camp Henno discovers a traitor whilst the others, aided by the girls diplomat father [what twaddle that was – such LOB it made the diplomatic watch and Star Trek suddenly feasible] track the girls and their captors overcoming claymore mines and at a later stage a sniper.

    Enter Finn; sets up, has a spot around, sees Ruski sniper and pops a round off. ‘Just like Saving Private Ryan’ the shooting Scot’s aim is so good the round hits the sniperscope but instead of carrying on through the Ruski’s skull it bounces off causing a flesh wound.[It’s Labour cut backs, we’re buying curry puffs again].

    Finally at a convenient point, right across the Russian border the remaining girl [the other having been previously wounded and sent back to base in Tpr Dave Woolstons capable hands] is driven away in a red Lada hastily chased by our fearless SAS troop on foot.

    Tpr Finn takes time to shoot out the tyres of the Lada, stopping it dead. Then climbing to higher ground he takes out the remaining hostage taker – one round. Good shot Finn, now you’re accepted into the Troop along with the Rupert.

    Noteable twaddle was the Diplomatic watch and personal comms working on 2.4GHz but which allow *worldwide* comms.

    Nearly forgot to say; there was a traitor. He was discovered by Henno with the help of Dave Woolston. After experiencing a little audio feedback whilst he was on his Thuraya sat Phone to the hostage captors the game is up. [Always happened in the van that – calling for assistance or giving commentary and the bloody Storno’s fed back]. He was in the latrine when this happened and cut his way out through the sight screen. Knife, sharp, Hessian Screen, cutting for the use of!

    He is caught by Henno on a motorbike and made to talk after an initial one sided interview with Mr Browning [I thought it was a Glock] and a discharge into the thigh.

    Of course the Ruski traitor spills the beans on threat of becoming a 9mm gelding. When the man’s CO comes to find out what’s what he is met by Colonel Dempsey [last seen in BBC ‘s Holby City being given a little euthanasia by his wife] . “You’ve got a traitor here,” he says, “Our Henno’s been doing a bit of housekeeping for you!”
    The Russian Colonel states in a well fake accent, “He says you tried to shoot his manhood off;” to which our hardened pub landlord replies, “I missed, I’m not very good with small targets.”

    Episode ends with Finn Younger and the Rupert being accepted. Good leadership and good single shot slotting.[Utter B0ll0cks]. Diplomatic watch my arse! [“Get on to Cheltenham and have them activate the tracker will you?”].

    Second episode is called ‘Charlie Bravo’
    Red Troop must train a hapless group of Colombian soldiers in time to attack a cocaine facility – as in McNab’s ‘Immediate Action.’ The difference is this lot has no special skills – as one of Red Troop states, ‘More like Special Needs.’ Another memorable mention of their capabilities was, “They couldn’t mount sheep let alone an operation!”

    After a good firefight with the enemy, SSSSS my arse!, the enemy are quashed and we discover the troops are so p!ss-poor because the Colombian Authorities want them and the SAS wiped out to add weight for a call for more money from the Americans.
    By way of comment Crossroads ‘Benny’ [Paul Henry] wouldn’t have looked out of place amongst this bunch of military retards on both sides of the divide.

    Anyway sooner than see this bunch of no hopers die our heroes go and sort out the enemy with a mescaline besotted Louis to make things even more interesting [it didn’t].

    All’s well that ends well and our troopers come back in one piece in time to reveal the traitor and the fact that he wants the dosh.

    There was also a romantic interlude between the lone female SAS trooper ‘Becca’ [more b0ll0cks] and Sniper Finn in the Rupert’s hotel room.

    After, we see Finn being systematically worked over – should I say squeezed into submission – for lying to Becca that he was leaving the Troop. Remember readers, “Vigilant at all times.”

    After these episodes xxxxxx and a few of his old cronies said they thought the jungle scenes were filmed at a certain training area in Norfolk – it was the tree trunks that did it for them. However, we have received information the actual filming was done in Windsor, home to HRH Queen and only just around the corner from her castle.

    Imagine the security alert a speedboat sailing round a bend full to the brim with a dozen thesbian mercenaries armed to the teeth would have caused.

    Episode 3 did not appear as hoped on 13/05 and gave way to some crap from a geezer called Denis Norden – like just about all progs on TV it was not interesting, not informative and in the words of Pete the Chippy, ‘A right load of crap for the mental munters and mindless morons’.
    The next week 20/05 the slot was filled with a veritable load of crap: Eurovision Song Contest 2006 and the Prince’s Trust 30th Birthday – Live [and who really wants to know about this fund raising time waster]?

    Well we have waited patiently for any episodes and it looks like its been pulled – bloody shame it was, at least, entertaining rubbish.31st July 2006.
    [When we were in ‘Norfolk’ our Sgt let off a thunderflash or three. Pity that because he set a load of pine needles or whatever they were alight. ‘I’d bet he can remember Maidment’s advice today, “I wouldn’t throw those about Sarge its tinder dry here.” “Shut up Maidment!” Wonder what the Fire Brigade wallahs thought – wonder what their report stated?

    We can’t seriously name the aforesaid hapless sarge either, it wouldn’t be right, would it Mr Sholes…………… Ooops sorry Sarge, no harm done eh
  15. Lets be serious here for a moment. Which ex soldiers get into the public eye? Is it Hard working, loyal, courageous, honest, family orientated soldiers or is it drunken, police killing, wife murdereing, etc etc soldiers?

    A normal run of the mill ex squaddie has zero interest to anyone they are exactly the same as the next civie along, whereas haveing a raving nutter caused by "his experiences in wherever" is easy for the script writers.

    Would wish that they portray the guy as a looney but then actually develop the script a bit so that the reasons for his problems are discussed and the guy gets some treatment., or more realistically fails to get any help from the NHS/MOD.