Why do British squaddies have such shyte nicknames?

Lots of 'Jaffas' in the LFB.
Worked with a Chef who everyone called "Kaffir" including himself. There was a VM in our LAD (where else) everyone called 'Camnet' too. Useless in camp, pain in the arrse on exercise.
I got to the last line of that before I realised that he wasn't called Steve. I must be really innocent.

Was his real name Doug?
Well, I thought I'd better not announce it was Spence Maynard. He did have a soft top BMW, and referred to 'my Bitches' until one of his 'bitches' overheard him.
He frequently spent weekends and evenings away from camp, however one of the lads went out for a run on the range road and found Spence sleeping in his car (issue dossbag of course) by the side of the road.
Thankfully I haven't named him so nobody will know who it was.


Army nicknames are a celebration of each individuals unique characteristics; borne out of a healthy respect based on comradeship.
And yet despite including black lads in the comraderie and displaying a show of equality, certain people got a bit twitchy over Chalky, Midnight and Shadow.
I was known as 'Rocky', simply because I was both good with my fists and had a proclivity for part-time dentistry.
I was known as 'Rocky', simply because I was both good with my fists and had a proclivity for part-time dentistry.
Bollocks it is because you looked like this
We had a Staff Sergeant known to all as Jellyfish, no backbone.
All was well until a new storeman arrived who failed to realise that this was not actually his name. Begining a conversation with the words "Staff Jellyfish" lead to various individuals suddenly remembering they were urgently required elsewhere.

We also had a light Green (Ted) and a dark green (George).
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“Oi fatty” was one of my more palatable nicknames.
Did anyone have a token black fella in their squadron? Did he have a nickname?
RHQ had a Black guy, his nickname was Chalky, fuctifino what his real name was but he was a top bloke & everyone knew him.

Still better than being called Zinger or Iceman.
Could be worse. I believe that in the Australian Army everyone's called Johnno, Davo, Damo, Robbo, Jacko, Tommo, Sammo, Benno, Danno, Patto, Eddo, Matto, Zacko, Nicko or Peter.
Not forgetting Bruce.
I got called Dougal or Dougie mostly, but I liked my German nickname better
I've noted this before on here but it's worthy of another mention.

Some guys from the RRW transferred to us & they had a guy who got a bit too fond of his new stripe.
After being referred to by his first name once too often he snapped "Don't call me Steve, It's Corporal, Cnut!"

For weeks afterwards he was known to all as Corporal Cnut, even the upper management got in on the joke, whenever he spoke his reply would be "Yes/No Corporal Cnut." Whilst stood smartly to attention.

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