Why do British squaddies have such shyte nicknames?

lecky

Old-Salt
We had a Squadron Porn King who had 3 Lockers worth of 80's Hardcore Porn, all indexed and divide by genre and then by alphabetical order...Sgt W*ll**M L***Y, a local legend, fondly known to all and sundry around the Station as " Willie Labia."
He ran the collection as if it were his secondary duty, you'd sign out whatever you fancied and pay a nominal fee for the rental. Dropped dead at work one day from a heart attack. They auctioned the collection. Something north of a Grand was raised and given to his widow and she hadn't a clue where it came from
 

Dicky Ticker

War Hero
We had "Flash" and "Zippy", both considered to be not the sharpest tools in the box. We also had "Rocket boots" who never seemed to walk slowly anywhere. Others were based on famous people who had the same surname, a senior manager was called "Buck" behind his back because he his surname was Rogers (could have been worse, we could have called him Ginger}, and he immediate boss who was shorter and walked with a slight limp was therefore "Tweaky".

We had a "Janner" who was from Somerset, and a "Blue nose" who was from the west coast of Scotland and an avid Rangers fan.
 
Could be worse. I believe that in the Australian Army everyone's called Johnno, Davo, Damo, Robbo, Jacko, Tommo, Sammo, Benno, Danno, Patto, Eddo, Matto, Zacko, Nicko or Peter.
You’d be wrong there. They’re all called Bruce. Unless they’re Sheilas.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer

Falling Plate

War Hero
We had a bloke nicknamed Kelloggs, as he looked like a serial killer.
 
3 Toes Tony, 4 Fingers Fred, Balcony Bill, Hereford Groupies, Andy, Chris & The Boss would disagree.
 
We had a guy at 7 Sigs called 'L*ng the Mong', simply because his name was 'L*ng' and he was/is a ******* Mong.
He wasn't the only one, it was riddled with them in Herford.
 
I have found that the women have the worst nicknames. Man-Wrac, Little Miss Attitude, Anita-the-Manita etc. There was also an officer nicknamed after a female Asian character in EastEnders. It makes me wonder what they would call my sister if she had joined. The nickname off her own mates at home is shocking enough.
We had a WRAC who looked like late 80s kylie, except she had appalling gaps in her teeth. Kylie the Pogue.
 

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