Why do British squaddies have such shyte nicknames?

Bit challenged in the vocabulary dept, everything was "Doubry ferkin" so he became Big Doub. Up tipped another bloke with the same surname.= Little Doub. Then we get a young orficer = Mr Doub. Continuity.
Then there was Callaghan, instantly became Galloncan.
Tpr Tulip became Threelips, and who could forget Black Bob, the Wonder W*g.
 

gorillaguts981

War Hero
Sawn-off, Stretch, Shit-legs, Drunken Duncan, Waster-face, No-neck, Bluto, Exidor plus the usual suspects. I remember them as young blokes but they are probably as knacked as me or dead.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
We had three Woods in my first rifle company, big and little, when the third arrived aged 26 from Consett he was intellectually challenged, he became Woods Stupid.
 

needlewaver

Old-Salt
Well, I thought I'd better not announce it was Spence Maynard. He did have a soft top BMW, and referred to 'my Bitches' until one of his 'bitches' overheard him.
He frequently spent weekends and evenings away from camp, however one of the lads went out for a run on the range road and found Spence sleeping in his car (issue dossbag of course) by the side of the road.
Thankfully I haven't named him so nobody will know who it was.

oh


bugger
I seem to recall he was a large gentleman...
 
Why is the British Army full of unimaginative nicknames like Jonah, Smudge and Taff when the Yanks have ally sounding nicknames like Raptor, Viper and Maverick?
Coz Yanks like to think they are ‘ard, when in reality they are all poofs.
Mick “da bruizer” Nosha out!
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
Why is the British Army full of unimaginative nicknames like Jonah, Smudge and Taff when the Yanks have ally sounding nicknames like Raptor, Viper and Maverick?
Because our role is to destroy the Queen's enemies and not to brand dildos?
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
I have found that the women have the worst nicknames. Man-Wrac, Little Miss Attitude, Anita-the-Manita etc. There was also an officer nicknamed after a female Asian character in EastEnders. It makes me wonder what they would call my sister if she had joined. The nickname off her own mates at home is shocking enough.
No2:Apprentice has a female bezzer she has cheerfully referred to since forever as ' Charlotte the Harlot'
 
At snow queen in 1977, one of our 4 instructors was as black as Newgates knocker, affectionately known to one and all as "Snowy" held in great affection by the boys and girls of BFES and the teachers alike. Top bloke
I’d put a like or laugh on that, but ROP’s, Moderator Twats
 
I seem to recall he was a large gentleman...
Tall ish if memory serves

As for large, I never experienced that aspect. I bow to your knowledge, regardless of how you obtained it.
 
Served with a fella who was referred to as “Sonof”. He was the spitting image of our Chief Clerk, just a few years younger. Could easily have passed as his son alright. New guy landed in the unit. Took him about six months to figure out that Sonof was actually Dave. “It sounds Asian. I just thought he were Indian or Pakistani or something”. Yep. Plenty of pasty, spotty gingers knocking round Karachi and Mumbai.
 

windswept398

Old-Salt
Why is the British Army full of unimaginative nicknames like Jonah, Smudge and Taff when the Yanks have ally sounding nicknames like Raptor, Viper and Maverick?
Unusual name Poltroon. Once knew a man in the army called Snarklefoot. Absolute ****** of a man.
But that doesn't mean your stupid name makes you a ******, of course.
 
Had a guy nicknamed Spunky, the only reason he got that moniker was it was the name written on his locker when he arrived.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
I've just realised my nickname isn't in here.

I failed RCB. I was congratulated for getting as far as RCB.

I was told I was overqualified for RAC, but eventually got there. I was older than my peers in training (because I'd studied A-levels and I'd spùnked 88 pensionable days in RMP "because I was overqualified for RAC" and wasn't afraid to speak my mind.

Rocked up to my regiment and went straight into a sabre troop (cavalry equivalent of a rifle platoon). The troop very quickly realised I would say my bit. We went out to patrol a Tyrone border crossing about my second day. Frankie said something he thought profound. Then paused and turned to the ginger, freckly, fower-eyed nig and asked me pointedly, "and what do you think...'

He went to call me Brains. He went to call me Goggles. For the rest of my time in 15/19H I was forever known as Boggles. In that instant I knew that if I bit, it would change nothing. It was better than being called Geordie, like all those without a bespoke nickname.
 
A long time ago now we had a trooper who’s nickname (by an over-complicated evolution from his surname) was Fish. When he departed, tried and failed to join the Foreign Legion he became Poisson.
 

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