Why do Australians have no personality ?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ciggie, Feb 16, 2011.

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  1. I only ask because CNN is bombarding me with antipodean twats, male and female, and it reminds me of the heyday of Kangaroo Valley. No offence, you've stagged, but...
     
  2. What a cracking fucking thread.

    A perfect outlet for telling another boring story! This time about a bone and personality-less Australian woman.

    My cousin's squeeze for the past year or two has been a lassie from Melbourne who will be referred to as Bitch for the remainder of the tale. Bitch is an English teacher and is over here because there is apparently no work over there. Her and my cousin were together for a year and then (just as her visa ran out) they decided to get married. We (i.e. the family) recommended they just have a little private civil ceremony and then save up for a couple of years before actually going for the full blown thing. They weren't having this and started arranging their own wedding to sort themselves out.

    Naturally they ran out of money and options pretty quickly.

    So my gran paid for most of it. Her family came over from Australia and my own mum gave up her house for a week so that they could live there. We all chipped in money, all contributed so they could have this dream wedding. Basically we ran around in circles to accomodate her family/friends and helped them actually pay for the thing. Whatever, this is what you do for family and since cousin seemed so hung up on Bitch, we knew it was serious.

    The wedding day arrives!

    Everybody (i.e. us lot) arrives late to the ceremony for which we profusely apologise but trying to get taxi's off their arse to take you into Hamilton from East Kilbride somehow proves much more difficult than one would anticipate. My stepdad (mums fiancee) ends up taking their fucking pictures for them (he's not a qualified photographer or anything, just has a fancy camera) and spends the end of the boring and dull ceremony taking pictures for them while she barks at him like Stephen Spielberg the entire time. THEN the ceremony ends and we trudge over to their flat (there is 2 hours to kill before reception) which is across the road from the town hall.

    Bitch comes down the stairs and TELLS US TO FUCK OFF!!! Only the 'Bridal Party' were allowed back to the house. We were just to meet them over at the hotel later for the reception.

    Och...look, I'm getting way in over my head with this one. Basically we all shelled out and shifted around our lives to accomodate this bitch's wedding and in the end she turned out to be a boring, ungrateful, selfish arsehole of a woman.
     
  3. A fool and his money are soon parted. Good drills on her part for getting a family of porrige-wogs to put their hands in their pockets. She sounds like a real bonza sheila.
     
  4. She is one boring, dull and emotionless bitch.

    Unfortunately I was too busy ranting to turn that story into something worth reading.

    I vividly remember the bridesmaids giving a speech and saying "Oooh you've found your Mister Darcy!" which was fundamentally hilarious.
     
  5. This bloke has;

    YouTube - livin next door to allan

    Saw him twenty year agon at The Frontier in Batley and he is bloody good.


    Definition of Australian foreplay? Brace yourself Sheila !
     
  6. In all fairness and as much as I like bagging Aussies (and here in NZ that's not so much a national sport as a compulsary state sanctioned religion) it could just be that she was female, and not an *Aussie* female.

    But for your amusement I present my favourite Strine joke:

    What's long and hard and buggers Australians?































    Primary school.


    I thank you.
     
  7. That's a gem which I am about to share with my Aussie mates - thank you!
     
  8. CNN? About what? Surely nothing that interesting is going on down here?
     
  9. Lies, it's actually 'You awake?'
     
  10. You wake them up???
     
  11. Depends how much Rohypnol I've used.
     
  12. Somehow they never tire of telling me how superior Australian soldiers are compared to we weak jawed poms, but with their list of battle honours I remain sceptical:

    Gallipoli

    Singapore

    Vietnam
     
  13. Translation: you tried to shag her and she turned you down, right?