Why do Australians have no personality ?

#1
I only ask because CNN is bombarding me with antipodean twats, male and female, and it reminds me of the heyday of Kangaroo Valley. No offence, you've stagged, but...
 
#2
What a cracking fucking thread.

A perfect outlet for telling another boring story! This time about a bone and personality-less Australian woman.

My cousin's squeeze for the past year or two has been a lassie from Melbourne who will be referred to as Bitch for the remainder of the tale. Bitch is an English teacher and is over here because there is apparently no work over there. Her and my cousin were together for a year and then (just as her visa ran out) they decided to get married. We (i.e. the family) recommended they just have a little private civil ceremony and then save up for a couple of years before actually going for the full blown thing. They weren't having this and started arranging their own wedding to sort themselves out.

Naturally they ran out of money and options pretty quickly.

So my gran paid for most of it. Her family came over from Australia and my own mum gave up her house for a week so that they could live there. We all chipped in money, all contributed so they could have this dream wedding. Basically we ran around in circles to accomodate her family/friends and helped them actually pay for the thing. Whatever, this is what you do for family and since cousin seemed so hung up on Bitch, we knew it was serious.

The wedding day arrives!

Everybody (i.e. us lot) arrives late to the ceremony for which we profusely apologise but trying to get taxi's off their arse to take you into Hamilton from East Kilbride somehow proves much more difficult than one would anticipate. My stepdad (mums fiancee) ends up taking their fucking pictures for them (he's not a qualified photographer or anything, just has a fancy camera) and spends the end of the boring and dull ceremony taking pictures for them while she barks at him like Stephen Spielberg the entire time. THEN the ceremony ends and we trudge over to their flat (there is 2 hours to kill before reception) which is across the road from the town hall.

Bitch comes down the stairs and TELLS US TO FUCK OFF!!! Only the 'Bridal Party' were allowed back to the house. We were just to meet them over at the hotel later for the reception.

Och...look, I'm getting way in over my head with this one. Basically we all shelled out and shifted around our lives to accomodate this bitch's wedding and in the end she turned out to be a boring, ungrateful, selfish arsehole of a woman.
 
#3
A fool and his money are soon parted. Good drills on her part for getting a family of porrige-wogs to put their hands in their pockets. She sounds like a real bonza sheila.
 
#4
She is one boring, dull and emotionless bitch.

Unfortunately I was too busy ranting to turn that story into something worth reading.

I vividly remember the bridesmaids giving a speech and saying "Oooh you've found your Mister Darcy!" which was fundamentally hilarious.
 
#6
Och...look, I'm getting way in over my head with this one. Basically we all shelled out and shifted around our lives to accomodate this bitch's wedding and in the end she turned out to be a boring, ungrateful, selfish arsehole of a woman.
In all fairness and as much as I like bagging Aussies (and here in NZ that's not so much a national sport as a compulsary state sanctioned religion) it could just be that she was female, and not an *Aussie* female.

But for your amusement I present my favourite Strine joke:

What's long and hard and buggers Australians?































Primary school.


I thank you.
 
#9
In all fairness and as much as I like bagging Aussies (and here in NZ that's not so much a national sport as a compulsary state sanctioned religion) it could just be that she was female, and not an *Aussie* female.

But for your amusement I present my favourite Strine joke:

What's long and hard and buggers Australians?































Primary school.


I thank you.
That's a gem which I am about to share with my Aussie mates - thank you!
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#12
#14
Somehow they never tire of telling me how superior Australian soldiers are compared to we weak jawed poms, but with their list of battle honours I remain sceptical:

Gallipoli

Singapore

Vietnam
 
#15
What a cracking fucking thread.

A perfect outlet for telling another boring story! This time about a bone and personality-less Australian woman..
Translation: you tried to shag her and she turned you down, right?
 
#16
Australia? I am yet to be convinced

Its miles from anywhere, their is absolutely shag all there. I mean you've done the bits around the edge up nice but their is feck all in the middle. Apart from people who like killing back packers and them giant bouncing mice.

The seas are full of stuff that will either eat you, sting you or generally make you wish you had stayed home that morning. Hang on the land is like that as well.

The blokeish mates culture is not quaint. It just makes you look like a bunch of misogynistic shit stabbers

The women sound like a cat being being put through a mincer.

Aussies in London will you kindly either fuck off home or stop complaining about the weather. Its a northern European Island just what the fuck were you expecting?

A Brit an Arab and a Septic are drinking a pub in London
Yank finishes his drink and smashes the glass says "we are the greatest military power on earth we never use the same glass twice".

Arab finishes his drink says "we are so wealthy from our oil we never use the same glass twice and smashes it on the floor"

Brit takes his drink has a sip pulls out a pistol shoots the Aussie barman dead, "Here we have so many of them we never get served by the same one twice"

Ben Elton now lives there and hes a cunt (birds of a feather and all that)

I don't like it!

Gentlemen I rest my case
 
#18
....
Ben Elton now lives there and hes a cunt (birds of a feather and all that)
That's a good enough reason as far as I'm concerned.....
 
#19
It comes from having generations of relatives that were convicts.Displays of personality were instantly subdued by the scews.
Ergo none of them have any genuine personality.
 
#20
I love the way they mince around London like some kind of matcho men with flip-flops on making out they are the best thing since sliced bread. Then you point out it's 5C and October, they they whinge it's cold - Put more clothes on you mongs, then I attack the hair - Aussie men always like to make out that their the roughest of the lot (Have the seen some of our council estates type folk?) Just point out that every Aussie man perms his fucking hair.

My only major 2 Aussie incidents - Dating one, (Must point out that the Kiwi I had was a beter shag) and nearly getting in a fight with Joe Mangel from Neighbours after a AFL Final (5.30am in the Toilets of the Slug & Lettuce, Fulham about 2004)- Apperently Port Adelaide dropping the ball every 5 secs and running in to each other like clowns isn't enough for a Brit to point out they shit and being hammered. But before the going got good, some other guy screamed at him "What's the fucking difference between Adelaide and Post Adelaide anyway"? - Which really pissed him off and sent him in the other direction!
 

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