Why are the Forces so bad at giving nicknames to people?

Has anyone noticed that nicknames in the Forces are really crap?

For example you get someone called "Smith" so using their brain cells to no avail they come up with "Smudge" . come on people wheres the originality?

I came up with Unclefucknuckle for one of our lads, its catchy and he seemed to like it.

Another of our lads looks German so i call him Klause.

Its better then Smudge or Jonesy!

can anyone else think of any original nicknames they have given?
the belsen twins to to rather thin new

Shutup freeman as people got tired of telling him to stop talking shit
A female I call "Bosaw" - short for Bitch of Satan's Adulterous Wife. Don't like the mum and not that fond of her.

My kids think it's something to do with cutting down trees and therefore innocuous so one day she'll find out.
A team of Gurkhas I was working with nicknamed one of their blokes who talked a lot "BBC".
one of the lads in the troop decided to cut his own hair, and left a nice qwiff at the front,
so i nicknamed him elvis.. stuck ever since :)
a bloke at 17th/21st lancers was introduced to me as EDY. He was a sgt when I knew him, turned out that when he had arrived at the regt from basic years previously, he had presented himself to the guardroom on his arrival.
"name?" braked the Gd cmdr
"kennedy" was the reply
"Last three?"
pause, followed by
"E, D, Y, Sgt."
We had a (fuckwit of a) lad with a fucked up face. We called him Schnorbitz.

Another lad was born to an Ex Bill Oddie and brought up on the German net. He was named Schnitzel.

An educated idiot called Thomas, who, if you turned you're back on him on second, would try to 'fix' things for you. Especially things that weren't (yet) broken. Tinkering (Thomas) to all in the Battery.

And a stick-thin TSM who looked like Skeletor and could give (to this day) IMHO the best bollockings ever heard - the sort that made you want to applaud. He was christened the Screaming Skull.
We had a guy once called Hugh Jass and his lady friend Chastity Belt.
Lad in our unit had a metal plate inserted in his skull after a tumour was removed, instantly nick named robojock.
Used to work with a guy calley 'dimmey'.

When we flew out for TELIC1, we were doing all our arrivals sh1t, he seen a coin lying on the ground, picked it up and asked 'What's a dimmey?'.........


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