whopper wielder on the loose!

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  1. Police in Kampala have mounted an Al Qaeda-like manhunt for a ruthless whopper wielder who bonked a city thigh vendor into coma.

    The bizarre tale of ‘sex gone really bad’ happened at around 9:00am on Saturday at Samalien Guest House located at Cooper Complex in downtown Kampala.

    According to workers at the guest house, the gal who has been identified as Shakira and a resident of Namasuba along Entebbe Road sauntered into the premises, sheepishly smiling with a tall man suspected to be a Somali.

    “The guy; who checked into the guest house as a Kenyan national was wearing a black cap with dark sunglasses,” said Agnes, a worker.

    She said that the couple first had breakfast in the restaurant, before the man booked into room S-21 at around 9:30pm.

    “After a few minutes, we heard the babe screaming for help but we did not bother to rush to her rescue because we thought they were her usual moans of ecstasy,” Agnes said.

    Another worker at the guest house said that Shakira has been a common patron at the guest house, and had been nicknamed a ‘sex siren’ because of her loud screams during her ‘happy’ moments.

    “She normally brings different men here and during the course of love, her loud moans turn most of us on,” one male female worker confessed.

    However, workers at the lodge became curious and opted to rush to the room after they realised that she had stayed holed inside the room twenty five minutes after her client had hurriedly left.

    “We suspected something fishy and entered the room when after about twenty five minutes, the gal had not come out, yet the man had also not returned to the room,” Agnes said.
    On entering the room, the hotel workers were shocked when they found the gal sprawled naked on the bed barely able to gasp for breath.

    “We found her unconscious, with her legs spread widely apart as she gasped for breath,” one of the workers noted. Fearing the worst for the gal, the workers rushed and informed their boss and guest house manager Mesfin Teman, who called the Police.

    On arrival at the scene, shocked cops were forced to call female hotel workers into the room to help them dress up the babe, who was a total mess.

    The babe was identified after police used the phone that was found in her handbag to call a few people who gave them vital information about her. She was rushed to Mulago hospital for urgent medical attention, while the hotel bosses Mesfin Teman and Teddy Dasta were taken to Nakivubo Police Post to record statements.

    According to Police, the lanky Somali will be charged with assault and attempted murder using a weapon of mass destruction (read monstrous whopper). This case is registered under Police file reference number SD 08/21/04/12.
    Somali Bonks City Babe Into Coma | Red Pepper Online: Uganda News, Gossip
     
  2. A man who butchered his bonkmate and went into hiding has finally been arrested. The suspect has been identified as Sam Kyanda 47, a businessman in Seeta Trading Centre. On March 22, 2012, Kyanda drugged his former bonkmate Aidah Nakiguli with chloroform before he squeezed life out of her.

    Preliminary reports indicate that the suspect hooked up Nakiguli prior to the 2011 elections and the two painted the town red. “He even bankrolled her campaigns,” one Sylvia said. (She contested the Ntaawo councillor seat but lost to DP’s Betty Nakase).

    However, the two fell out late last year after the deceased hooked a more affluent man. Sources say on the fateful, Kandahar-starved Kyanda called Nakiguli and the two met at Satellite Beach where they rekindled their love.

    Acting like an American commando tasked to execute a deadly mission; he knelt down and begged her to have ‘a piece of her yummy yoyo’. The two left for Nakiguli’s home with intentions written all over their faces. After quenching his ‘thirst’, he sedated her with chloroform.

    Armed with a sharp knife, he cut off her yoyo, ears and breasts and took off with them. Nakiguli’s body was found after two days tucked in blood stained beddings. A police source that preferred anonymity said that Kyanda was found with the deceased’s phone and clothes.

    Meanwhile, there was stampede when residents and relatives of the deceased stormed Mukono Police Station baying for the suspect’s head.
    Man Suspected Of Brutally Murdering Wife Nabbed | Red Pepper Online: Uganda News, Gossip