Ok, so weâre agreed that the current SoS for Defence, Bob Ainsworth is not up to the job. Nor is the hastily promoted Armed Forces Minister Bill Rammell. Nor are assorted throbbers like David Crausby â the MP for Lettingsoldiersdieandlearninglessonslater. It must be quite clear in Downing Street that it was a mistake to appoint a bunch of communists, union conveners, British Rail management trainees and groveling âyes menâ to such important ministerial positions, especially prior to the start of Operation Pantherâs Claw. Well, it must be now, as they read the newspapers and weep. So who do we pick instead? Granted, a circus chimp would offer a greater insight into the brief that the current shower and would be a lot cheaper too: expenses would run to a few bananas, a squeaky toy and some J-Cloths. But letâs try and come up with a sensible candidate for the top job; someone who actually knows something about the military, about helicopters, about the arguments concerning armour and mobility. Someone who has actually served in the British Army might be a good pick. I nominate Patrick Mercer, Tory MP for Newark and Retford, currently the Shadow Minister for Homeland Security. He served in The Sherwood Foresters. He did nine tours in Norn Iron and understands the current arguments regarding helicopters, IEDs and proper armoured vehicles. He also commanded his battalion in Bosnia and has possibly done some other things (Persec)â¦.. He would be ideal, imho. Are there any other candidates out there who actually know what theyâre talking about and who might do a better job than Ainsworth / Bubbles the Chimp? Perhaps we should send a list to Downing St and to The Boy Dave, who is going to inherit all this when Labour are immoliated by an outraged electorate and driven from power. A competent Secretary of State for Defence is as much a priority as a competent Chancellor.