Me too. I had just come through a bad divorce you heartless bastards. Since then I have lost a bit of weight, got a proper hat and belt and I have gone back to catering college, all right?
Hem Hem... cof...
Nous sommes des guards secirities,
Nous sommes des geezers dans les hi-viz jaquets
Des types pas ordinaires, non, even though nous avez spent il bit of time dans la collegue Caering et grafted on les tiling which is fucking nails dans le winter je can tell vous.
Nous avons souvent notre cafard,
Nous sommes des guards secirities.
I thought this might be viral ad for a new comedy show?
Script - Ricky Gervais
Security Guard - James Corden
Then I started having flashbacks to stagging on as a crafty in Arborfield, mid to late 90s, with 'Maggot'; MGS guard, CORGI plumber, general builder, student of philosophy, motorcycle instructor, national Backgammon champion, England youth footballer (or was it Rugby?) and the list goes on.
We have a bloke like that who to date has been best friends with Jacques Villeneuve and Jenson Button, has nearly swum the channel, but had to swim back after 3/4 of the way as he had cramp, has come third in the national nettle eating championships, beaten a world class cage fighter, claims to have broken his neck twice (not well enough) and set the track record on the Nordschleife in a standard mini.
Needless to say we feed the troll frequently and try to get ever increasingly outrageous stories. Makes the shift go quicker though!