Who says the rozzers have no sense of humour?

#2
Fcukin' hilarious....... :roll:
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
Nice to see Stirling Moss has been updated to Lewis Hamilton.

And don't forget the classic 'I won't keep you long, sir. I can see you're in a hurry.'
 
#4
Inspector Dick Head said:
"Drivers are on edge when they've been pulled over, so an opening gambit helps break the ice.
Break the ice? Break the fucking ice?! I don't want to be your best mate, I want a ticket so I can fuck off and start speeding again as soon as you're out of sight! Cunts, the lot of them.
 
#6
dhgrainger1 said:
Inspector Dick Head said:
"Drivers are on edge when they've been pulled over, so an opening gambit helps break the ice.
Break the ice? Break the fucking ice?! I don't want to be your best mate, I want a ticket so I can fuck off and start speeding again as soon as you're out of sight! Cunts, the lot of them.
Some cockey as fcuk "opening gambit" isnt going to break the ice. Make them look a dick maybe, but not break the ice.
 
#9
I've wanted their opening gambit to be something along the line

"Humphh...*gargle*...*crumple to floor*"

That would suit me fine.
 
#11
Many years ago I was working for a furniture removals company in London - two of us were sitting in the truck cabin beside the driver. We drove up to a checkpoint in the "ring of steel" City of London anti-Provo defences, one of the City of London coppers stopped us;

PC: "Congratulations on your forthcoming happy events gentlemen"

me & co-worker: "Wha?"

PC: "Your pregnancies. Now put your seat belts on"

I thought that the bit of humour got the point across more effectively
 

Trans-sane

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
What ever you do, DON'T reply to a witless one liner with "Gee Constable. I thought you only every pulled over black people."

I could have got arrested (that would have been better). What I got (over the space of a few days) was four producers for bald tyres, dead bulbs and a chip in the windscreen in the driver's eye-line. These the copper "conveiniently" noticed when I took my car back to prove that the last fault had bee put right. Bastard clearly knew his messing smart cnuts about drills. Four visits to the cop shop in less than a week.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#13
Trans-sane said:
What ever you do, DON'T reply to a witless one liner with "Gee Constable. I thought you only every pulled over black people."

I could have got arrested (that would have been better). What I got (over the space of a few days) was four producers for bald tyres, dead bulbs and a chip in the windscreen in the driver's eye-line. These the copper "conveiniently" noticed when I took my car back to prove that the last fault had bee put right. fatherless clearly knew his messing smart cnuts about drills. Four visits to the cop shop in less than a week.
But did you give him a peck on the cheek and climb into bed with him.
 
#14
B_AND_T said:
Trans-sane said:
What ever you do, DON'T reply to a witless one liner with "Gee Constable. I thought you only every pulled over black people."

I could have got arrested (that would have been better). What I got (over the space of a few days) was four producers for bald tyres, dead bulbs and a chip in the windscreen in the driver's eye-line. These the copper "conveiniently" noticed when I took my car back to prove that the last fault had bee put right. fatherless clearly knew his messing smart cnuts about drills. Four visits to the cop shop in less than a week.
But did you give him a peck on the cheek and climb into bed with him.
Followed the fcuker home with a hammer more like.

That said, WTF, with a car like that you deserved it.
 
#15
I had a tosser pull me over last year, I had just come back from doing a little off roading fun in the evening and had switched my foglights on whilst on the lane so I could see to the side of the track. I had forgotten to switch them off when I rejoined the roads and just as I was coming towards the camp gates I get pulled.

"Is it raining?"
"What?"
"Is it raining tonight?"
"What are you on about"
"Turn them off"
"Turn what off?"
"I know you think your vehicle looks good with them on but turn them off"
"Turn. What. Off"
"Your foglights"

Now if the knobber had simply pulled me over and pointed out I had them on I would have quickly switched them off and been on my way in a few seconds. Instead the tosspot tried to lecture me like I was a 17 year old in a bloody Corsa.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#16
Detonator said:
B_AND_T said:
Trans-sane said:
What ever you do, DON'T reply to a witless one liner with "Gee Constable. I thought you only every pulled over black people."

I could have got arrested (that would have been better). What I got (over the space of a few days) was four producers for bald tyres, dead bulbs and a chip in the windscreen in the driver's eye-line. These the copper "conveiniently" noticed when I took my car back to prove that the last fault had bee put right. fatherless clearly knew his messing smart cnuts about drills. Four visits to the cop shop in less than a week.
But did you give him a peck on the cheek and climb into bed with him.
Followed the fcuker home with a hammer more like.

That said, WTF, with a car like that you deserved it.
I was sort of aiming in this direction

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Trans_Sane
 
#18
Least nowadays they don't follow you from Appleby to Warcop with no lights on and then pull you at the Warcop turn off.

Bastard thought he had a drunk driver - not happy when I passed the breathalayser. Less happy when I asked him why he was driving without lights. He said he wasn't, I said the Colonel and three majors in the car would disagree with him. He was very very unhappy when I asked him why I shouldn't report him to the Chief Constable.

He was a knob!
 
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