Who is the richest man on Arrse?

Takes too long to surgically remove your wallet from your pocket, pry it open, evict the moths, disarm the booby traps and unscrew the titanium rods holding your munny fast to the wallet?
He doesnt carry money on account of-there's no more room in his pockets. They're crammed with "freebies".
Have you ever seen a bloke hoarding slices of roast beef from a buffet in his suit pockets?

I have.
 

Hohenidoom

Old-Salt
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My pooches. Pedigree lists big, brain function small.
 

Helm

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
If it wasn't for the pittance of the 10k a month stipend for being a mod, I think I may have had to sell off part of the estate, tyres probably.
 

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
2 kids at university, a wife and a Retriever / Labrador cross who can eat for England....

... If it wasn't for those pesky kids I could have retired 4 years ago.

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It’s a good idea and there’s certainly a gap in the market.

There is not a single brothel, sauna or massage parlour up here. Even in the rough western towns of Workington and Whitehaven.

Trust me I’ve checked.
That's because Cumbrians are too tight to pay for whores .....
 
He doesnt carry money on account of-there's no more room in his pockets. They're crammed with "freebies".
Have you ever seen a bloke hoarding slices of roast beef from a buffet in his suit pockets?

I have.

I used to take tupperware boxes to work functions, and in one memorable week away managed to live off the stuff I "acquired" from the breakfasts provided with my accomodation. I was out to make money on overtime, not spend it.
 
Bloke I commissioned with (related to a former British PM) lived in a (modest) Castle-like mansion house thing.

On asking where his room was he explained that they could actually only afford to live in/heat one small part of it, as it was so expensive to run. They couldn't sell the place as it had been in the family for generations.
The perks of my double wide seem to grow every day...
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
He doesnt carry money on account of-there's no more room in his pockets. They're crammed with "freebies".
Have you ever seen a bloke hoarding slices of roast beef from a buffet in his suit pockets?

I have.
Don't forget the 200 duty free cigs he needs for an afternoon out!
 

Dwarf

LE
We mostly heat our entirely singled glazed home with wood we collect whilst walking the poodles.

You do the maffs.
I didn't think that poodles could carry much firewood, or do you put steroids in their feed?
 
Good morning,

I am writing to you to ask for your help.

My name is Major Gates and I and I am currently serving with the Special Forces in Iraq.

As you may know, Saddam Hussein had hidden caches of gold and other valuables around the country. I have recently discovered one of these caches, valued at nearly $30 million. As the Iraqi military is in turmoil, I need your help in smuggling this gold out of the country. I am willing to give you $3 million dollars for your efforts.

Please send your bank account details urgently to facilitate the removal of this gold from the country.

Thank you for your cooperation

Major Gates
Sounds good...I'm in...
 
I'm not American, so please excuse the question & my ignorance...is this about your house or your wife? ;)
I would imagine calling the wife that would result in her running me over with my truck multiple times...
Usually the proper term for her when she is within ear shot is Hun, Babe, or Overlord.

But the home is a newer double wide built two years ago, which means I won't have to many projects to worry about for a little bit, besides replacing carpet in parts of the house. Nothing like the castles you lot all seem to inhabit, and no Aston Martin in the garage. It's a hard knock life in the Colonies!
 

DaManBugs

LE
Book Reviewer
Bugsy, with his translation service that could earn up to 300k a year, his sideline in picture restoration and the royalties that he gets from his best selling books (Plus the cash he made earlier in life selling heroin), he is the Jeff Bezos of ARRSE.


If you are wondering why he lives in a shitty, rundown ground floor rented flat with all that cash its so he can be in solidarity with the proletarians.
Which is known as living in SPODYspack's head 24/7. Although I must admit that you've done a lot for the place lately, SPODYspack1 Glad to see you accepted my suggestions with regard to furnishings. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

MsG
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I'm not American, so please excuse the question & my ignorance...is this about your house or your wife? ;)
Double wide = 2 caravans side by side :mrgreen:
 
Which is known as living in SPODYspack's head 24/7. Although I must admit that you've done a lot for the place lately, SPODYspack1 Glad to see you accepted my suggestions with regard to furnishings. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

MsG

Bugsy we have been over this, the only place you are likely to be living rent free is the doss hole that you sleep in.

But let's move this to the poo poo thread, I want to talk about you needing to tell lies just to get attention due to your fathers appalling abuse and the fact you still lie about him now, like not knowing what corps he served in. Just like you marrying a 6 year old, I have all the evidence ready.
 
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