Who is the richest man on Arrse?

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
In reality that would just be @Ravers , but only when he pretends to be poorer than he actually is.



OP - the answer is no, he isn't going to share any of it with you.

I’m well behind on the wealth stakes.

You know those dreadful aristos who are always complaining that they don’t have enough money to fix the heating in their castle?

That’s me.

I’ve got a load of assets that I can never sell and a reasonably well paid job that just about covers the living costs of a family of four, with a fairly average middle class lifestyle.

I do a fairly good job presenting an illusion of wealth. I drive a Ferrari that actually cost less than a well specced Golf, our house is stunning but it’s falling apart, the speedboat on my drive was 1500 quid and doesn’t work properly, the wife’s Mercedes is leased on the cheapest possible deal we could find and her magnificent fake titties were freebies off the NHS.

We own half a hotel, pub and farm business that is mortgaged up to the hilt and has been hammered by the COVID.

I’m a long way off brand new Range Rover territory.

Lend us a tenner?
 
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AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
..the sale of popcorn and beer will treble...the thread will go into meltdown...the socialist workers party editor will be sending encrypted signals to the Kremlin requesting a couple of agents to "have words" with DMB...MI5 will put all their 00 operatives on 5 minutes standby, the CIA and Scotland yard will reconnect their phone bugs to Nottingham, 3rd guards shock army will crash out to their hide locations, and the pigeons in wolloton park, will breath a sigh of relief.............stand down The 1st Batt Arrsers own foot and mouth. :salut:
Cough 3rd Shock Army - Wikipedia
 

anglo

LE
I’m well behind on the wealth stakes.

You know those dreadful aristos who are always complaining that they don’t have enough money to fix the heating in their castle?

That’s me.

I’ve got a load of assets that I can never sell and a reasonably well paid job that just about covers the living costs of a family of four, with a fairly average middle class lifestyle.

I do a fairly good job presenting an illusion of wealth. I drive a Ferrari that actually cost less than a well specced Golf, our house is stunning but it’s falling apart, the speedboat on my drive was 1500 quid and doesn’t work properly and the wife’s Mercedes is leased on the cheapest possible deal we could find.

We own half a hotel, pub and farm business that is mortgaged up to the hilt and has been hammered by the COVID.

I’m a long way off brand new Range Rover territory.

Lend us a tenner?
violin.jpg
 
I’m well behind on the wealth stakes.

You know those dreadful aristos who are always complaining that they don’t have enough money to fix the heating in their castle?

That’s me.

I’ve got a load of assets that I can never sell and a reasonably well paid job that just about covers the living costs of a family of four, with a fairly average middle class lifestyle.

I do a fairly good job presenting an illusion of wealth. I drive a Ferrari that actually cost less than a well specced Golf, our house is stunning but it’s falling apart, the speedboat on my drive was 1500 quid and doesn’t work properly and the wife’s Mercedes is leased on the cheapest possible deal we could find.

We own half a hotel, pub and farm business that is mortgaged up to the hilt and has been hammered by the COVID.

I’m a long way off brand new Range Rover territory.

Lend us a tenner?
I hear very similar stories from some of my farmer buddies. Loads of land, equipment, livestock etc.
No cash.
Barely enough to pay the kids school fees at Dollar/Strathallan/Glenalmond, not to mention the leases for the Range Rover and the wife's Disco.
 
I’m well behind on the wealth stakes.

You know those dreadful aristos who are always complaining that they don’t have enough money to fix the heating in their castle?

That’s me.

I’ve got a load of assets that I can never sell and a reasonably well paid job that just about covers the living costs of a family of four, with a fairly average middle class lifestyle.

I do a fairly good job presenting an illusion of wealth. I drive a Ferrari that actually cost less than a well specced Golf, our house is stunning but it’s falling apart, the speedboat on my drive was 1500 quid and doesn’t work properly and the wife’s Mercedes is leased on the cheapest possible deal we could find.

We own half a hotel, pub and farm business that is mortgaged up to the hilt and has been hammered by the COVID.

I’m a long way off brand new Range Rover territory.

Lend us a tenner?
People , this statement alone demonstrates that Ravers knows his onions
the wife’s Mercedes is leased on the cheapest possible deal we could find
Those in the know , will know why .
 
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Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I hear very similar stories from some of my farmer buddies. Loads of land, equipment, livestock etc.
No cash.
Barely enough to pay the kids school fees at Dollar/Strathallan/Glenalmond, not to mention the leases for the Range Rover and the wife's Disco.
The struggle is real ya know?
 
I’m well behind on the wealth stakes.

You know those dreadful aristos who are always complaining that they don’t have enough money to fix the heating in their castle?

That’s me.

I’ve got a load of assets that I can never sell and a reasonably well paid job that just about covers the living costs of a family of four, with a fairly average middle class lifestyle.

I do a fairly good job presenting an illusion of wealth. I drive a Ferrari that actually cost less than a well specced Golf, our house is stunning but it’s falling apart, the speedboat on my drive was 1500 quid and doesn’t work properly, the wife’s Mercedes is leased on the cheapest possible deal we could find and her magnificent fake titties were freebies off the NHS.

We own half a hotel, pub and farm business that is mortgaged up to the hilt and has been hammered by the COVID.

I’m a long way off brand new Range Rover territory.

Lend us a tenner?
Bloke I commissioned with (related to a former British PM) lived in a (modest) Castle-like mansion house thing.

On asking where his room was he explained that they could actually only afford to live in/heat one small part of it, as it was so expensive to run. They couldn't sell the place as it had been in the family for generations.
 
I’m well behind on the wealth stakes.

You know those dreadful aristos who are always complaining that they don’t have enough money to fix the heating in their castle?

That’s me.

I’ve got a load of assets that I can never sell and a reasonably well paid job that just about covers the living costs of a family of four, with a fairly average middle class lifestyle.

I do a fairly good job presenting an illusion of wealth. I drive a Ferrari that actually cost less than a well specced Golf, our house is stunning but it’s falling apart, the speedboat on my drive was 1500 quid and doesn’t work properly, the wife’s Mercedes is leased on the cheapest possible deal we could find and her magnificent fake titties were freebies off the NHS.

We own half a hotel, pub and farm business that is mortgaged up to the hilt and has been hammered by the COVID.

I’m a long way off brand new Range Rover territory.

Lend us a tenner?
I'm shocked truly, I am. Now this is the story that the Gentlemen of the IR were renowned for- hence they termed themselves Gentlemen. Me on the other hand, as an ex officiate of H.M. Customs and Exer ;) cise am not taken in. You'll be telling me next that [Lord ]Brockett was a close confidante.. Harrumph. From one who was not contracted in by HMG and don't even get a full OAP
 
Nah, it'll be one of your former colleagues, possibly import/export of all that agricultural machinery, or huge wedge for their cyber skills ;)

Crime would pay much better and be easier than what I do.

Still,

How is this matter for mirth? Let each man be judged by his deeds.
I have paid my price to live with myself on the terms that I willed.


 
I thought everyone on here was a multi-millionaire Captain of Industry, with a 24 year old model as a wife, and a garage full of supercars?

Not me, I’m as poor as a church mouse.
 
Not me, I’m as poor as a church mouse.

I've embarrassingly approached the local Church Mouse for a merge loan to get by this week as he's the wealthiest person in our village
 
Good morning,

I am writing to you to ask for your help.

My name is Major Gates and I and I am currently serving with the Special Forces in Iraq.

As you may know, Saddam Hussein had hidden caches of gold and other valuables around the country. I have recently discovered one of these caches, valued at nearly $30 million. As the Iraqi military is in turmoil, I need your help in smuggling this gold out of the country. I am willing to give you $3 million dollars for your efforts.

Please send your bank account details urgently to facilitate the removal of this gold from the country.

Thank you for your cooperation

Major Gates
You are that Nigerian Prince who keeps emailing me and I claim my £5.00.
 

Glad_its_all_over

ADC
Book Reviewer
Nah, it'll be one of your former colleagues, possibly import/export of all that agricultural machinery, or huge wedge for their cyber skills ;)
I think you probably have @subbsonic in mind, there, he probably won't read this until after his refreshing dip in the pool of 500-euro notes he keeps in the Entertainment Wing of his massive neo-Bauhaus Schloss in an unknown location.

Either that or @Whiskybreath, who has recently tarted up his end of the Borough Market skip with a very fetching and only slightly soiled tapestry.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Bloke I commissioned with (related to a former British PM) lived in a (modest) Castle-like mansion house thing.

On asking where his room was he explained that they could actually only afford to live in/heat one small part of it, as it was so expensive to run. They couldn't sell the place as it had been in the family for generations.
That was us for the first few years that we lived here.

Before we had biomass fitted we were spending 5-600 quid a month on heating oil, plus 200 a month on electricity.

We just barricaded ourselves in one corner of the house and essentially lived in 2 bedrooms and the kitchen.
 

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