Which weapon for your killing spree? Discuss...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by auscam, Apr 8, 2009.

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  1. It is 10 AM on a beautiful autumn morning, so, naturally, my thoughts turn to mass murder, in the best ARRSE tradition.

    Topical and popular though it may be, the use of firearms for the average slaughter seems to show a lack of imagination. It all seems so vulgar,so done before, so... five minutes ago. What's wrong with the axe? Eh? I know that, too, has been done before-especially by the Franks-but since they have long since become a footnote to history, perhaps it should be revived? We can do it!

    No stoppages, no ammunition needed, easy access to victims (like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"), plenty of opportunities for displays of style and skill in application, extra gratification as you land a blow on a particularly evasive victim and their brain tissue splatters down the front of your 'evil clown' outfit...the possibilities are many and varied.

    What do you think?

    Standing by for Holing...
  2. If you know that your post is pointless and has been done before, why did you post it?!
  3. Umbrella tipped with Ricin
  4. A good lie will fcuk people up better than any weapon.

    The longer you keep them waiting, especially about money, the way, way better the damage.
  5. Are you saying the cheque isn't in the mail????

  6. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    100 megaton nuclear device - works wonders and brightens up a dull day no end.
  7. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    WWII flamethrower. Very painful.

    Or, if it existed, the gatling laser canon from Fallout 3
  8. dildo attachments for stump fun, could do some serious damage with a bit of brute force and ignorance
  9. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I thought half of the fun of mass murder was the 'experience'.

    Where's the actual thrill of poisoning wells and the like?

    To get the most of this sort of thing, one has to be in the middle of the action.

    Windmilling with multiple machetes strapped to your arms in a crowd of G8 rioters like a pumped-up edward scissorhands would be a good start.
  10. A large cache of suicide 'tards ready and primed to be set unleashed into a busy shopping centre. Obvious HVTs being pound shops and Iceland. Unleash hell.
  11. A beer drinking machine gun.

    with underslung porn projector.
  12. I prefer the classics myself. A claw hammer and CD of the BeeGees' Greatest Hits on continuous loop to inflict maximum suffering.
  13. I think a light tank chassis or recce vehicle with specially adapted combine harvester blades attached to the front is ideal. Something nimble enough to get down most streets and be driven into crowds at speed.

    I would play the Bee Gees from speakers mounted next to my armoured turret.
  14. What about one of those forklift trucks they use in carpet shops:


    Just put the fcuker on full lock and put your foot down, preferably in the middle of a load of unwashed hippy scum G20 protesting types, Im sure it would resemble a scene from Captain Hurricane from the Battle comic:

    Captain Hurricane
  15. Lee Enfield .303 with fixed bayonet.