Which weapon for your killing spree? Discuss...

#1
It is 10 AM on a beautiful autumn morning, so, naturally, my thoughts turn to mass murder, in the best ARRSE tradition.

Topical and popular though it may be, the use of firearms for the average slaughter seems to show a lack of imagination. It all seems so vulgar,so done before, so... five minutes ago. What's wrong with the axe? Eh? I know that, too, has been done before-especially by the Franks-but since they have long since become a footnote to history, perhaps it should be revived? We can do it!

No stoppages, no ammunition needed, easy access to victims (like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"), plenty of opportunities for displays of style and skill in application, extra gratification as you land a blow on a particularly evasive victim and their brain tissue splatters down the front of your 'evil clown' outfit...the possibilities are many and varied.

What do you think?

Standing by for Holing...
 
#2
standing by for holing
If you know that your post is pointless and has been done before, why did you post it?!
 
#5
especially about money
Are you saying the cheque isn't in the mail????

Bastaaaaaaarrrrrrrd!!!!!
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#6
100 megaton nuclear device - works wonders and brightens up a dull day no end.
 
#8
dildo attachments for stump fun, could do some serious damage with a bit of brute force and ignorance
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
I thought half of the fun of mass murder was the 'experience'.

Where's the actual thrill of poisoning wells and the like?

To get the most of this sort of thing, one has to be in the middle of the action.

Windmilling with multiple machetes strapped to your arms in a crowd of G8 rioters like a pumped-up edward scissorhands would be a good start.
 
#10
A large cache of suicide 'tards ready and primed to be set unleashed into a busy shopping centre. Obvious HVTs being pound shops and Iceland. Unleash hell.
 
#11
A beer drinking machine gun.

with underslung porn projector.
 
#12
I prefer the classics myself. A claw hammer and CD of the BeeGees' Greatest Hits on continuous loop to inflict maximum suffering.
 
#13
I think a light tank chassis or recce vehicle with specially adapted combine harvester blades attached to the front is ideal. Something nimble enough to get down most streets and be driven into crowds at speed.


I would play the Bee Gees from speakers mounted next to my armoured turret.
 
#14
What about one of those forklift trucks they use in carpet shops:



Just put the fcuker on full lock and put your foot down, preferably in the middle of a load of unwashed hippy scum G20 protesting types, Im sure it would resemble a scene from Captain Hurricane from the Battle comic:

Captain Hurricane
 
#16
After an afternoon at work which completely ruined my excellent mood of this morning, may I offer you all a practise run before your killing spree? Office full of people I'd be more than happy to see bumped off! :twisted:


My weapon of choice would be one of those South American blowguns with poisoned darts.
 
#17
You really can't beat the classics

 
#18
auscam said:
It is 10 AM on a beautiful autumn morning, so, naturally, my thoughts turn to mass murder, in the best ARRSE tradition.

Topical and popular though it may be, the use of firearms for the average slaughter seems to show a lack of imagination. It all seems so vulgar,so done before, so... five minutes ago. What's wrong with the axe? Eh? I know that, too, has been done before-especially by the Franks-but since they have long since become a footnote to history, perhaps it should be revived? We can do it!

No stoppages, no ammunition needed, easy access to victims (like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"), plenty of opportunities for displays of style and skill in application, extra gratification as you land a blow on a particularly evasive victim and their brain tissue splatters down the front of your 'evil clown' outfit...the possibilities are many and varied.

What do you think?

Standing by for Holing...
Dig deep and don't return. You're either a journalist looking for a quote, a psychopath or you're suffering from some sort of attention seeking syndrome. Obviously, you could be a young teenager who has sat in front of too many zombie computer games or movies but then you just might be a sad and lonely fvcker. Whatever, get outside in the fresh air and go and climb a mountain or just get some much needed help.

Nothing you have written is in the "best ARRSE tradition." Far from it. We fight and have fought to free the world from sickos like you.
 
#20
The only way to bludgeon....only I'd stick a loop of Para Cord on it to ensure it doesn't fly anywhere when things get "slippy"....
 

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