Which type of Cult should I start?

#81
There are two principles, if one can call them that, behind all cults, religious or otherwise. These are:

The promise of false hope and/or

The promise of the abnegation of personal responsibility.

Taking one at a time, the first is popular in the US because the US is based on "rugged individualism," or some such. (I don't mean this as a criticism, but as an observation.) Partly as a consequence of this, there is no free healthcare, and also, if you admit to an illicit drug addiction you may well be locked up. If you have the money to afford private health care or health insurance or perhaps an attorney, no problem, but if you don't, it may well be you will turn to people like Osteen.

This is why people like him make so much money, by offering free healing and triumph over addiction. If you listen to the sermon he preaches in that video, these are the very things he vicariously promises. Doubtless he believes in the so-called Great Commission, (Matthew 28:19-20) but that's as may be. There are thousands like him, and the disasters some of them have caused through so-called "healings," are well documented in James Randi's book, The Faith Healers.

Of course every once in a while, as luck would have it, such Faith Healers do have their successes, and they emphasize these while omitting to mention, or glossing over, their failures. Oddly enough, so-called Spiritualist Mediums and those who promote schemes to win at one or another kind of gambling do the same thing. I wonder who copied from whom?

On top of their offers of healing, they also promote a "Prosperity Gospel," the long and short of which is that you'll prosper if you only "Give generously," to their church. Usually it's they who prosper, but they keep that bit quiet. Somehow, very few if any, have ever been prosecuted for fraud.

One of their biggest secrets is that everything is attributed to the magical intervention of some sky pixie whose earthly representative they happen to be. Suppose then you come to such a church with a raging addiction and are somehow "Cured," by them. They will say it's all down to JC and his little ray of sunshine. He isn't there to take a bow, but they are, and, because you've been brainwashed by them, you'll give all the credit to JC and none to yourself for waking up to yourself and doing something about your problem(s).

On the other hand, if you aren't healed or you can't quit your addiction, that's because you didn't have enough faith. Heads they win, tails you lose. It's a damn good system, never fails. For them, at any rate, and the wonder is, so many people still swallow this rot.

And this leads us to the other great principle, that of the abnegation of personal responsibility. If one looks at the two worst dictatorships in history, those of Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin, one sees in both a cult of personality where the leader assumes all responsibility. Oddly enough at the end of the Second World War Hitler shot himself rather than face responsibility for the terrible destruction he'd caused, but that didn't stop many of his soldiers becoming very indignant when they were arrested by the Allies.

"But I was only following orders!" That their orders for example were to supervise a thousand murders a day didn't concern them; that was Hitler's problem, not theirs. More's the pity, many of Stalin's minions who'd committed even worse atrocities, got away with it, presumably because they were on the winning side.

In the present day, we have The Welfare State, which although it was more than likely intended as a timely helping hand-up, has become for many a continuous handout. Whether intentionally or not, the State has fostered in the UK's "Chavs," and Australia's "Bogans," an attitude that, "I'm not responsible for earning a living etc etc, because the State will provide."

So there you are, OP, go in for religion or politics, or some combination of both and you can't go wrong, although many others will ...
There is definitely something missing in the lives of many of the people who follow the like's of Osteen...........and I think that is faith in themselves and their own abilities to sort out their own lives.

The Mrs has regularly come home and had a rant about the quality of CV's for senior exec positions that have landed on her desk. In a CV the two, maybe three in some cases, big questions you need to answer in an interesting, informative, maybe witty manner are: 1. Can you do the job, 2. Are you qualified to do the job, 3. How much will you do the job for. Thats it, nothing more.

She despairs, and even laughs sometimes when she is sat on the sofa at home reading through CV's. Imagine receiving an application for the position of lawyer and the CV mentions a law degree, yet rambles on about their church activities for the preceeding 20 years, nothing about work. Starting with their time in the church youth program, moving on to becoming a youth leader, joining several adult groups in the church and eventually doing a church weekend course to become a relationship counsellor........"Now that I have listened to you both you obviously have a problem in your marriage, let's pray so that the lord can heal your problem". Sorry a digression, but they churn out these unqualified numpty's who seem to think they can fix all problems with a quick "Our Father.......".

Anyway back to the CV's. The Mrs has a steady number of churchy based CV's landing on her desk and honestly the wonder is that these people ever get a job. But, there are plenty of these religious fundamentalist types out there and they employ similar people. The wife has a training director who she has worked with before so she hired him again, great bloke, ex-USMC intelligence analyst type person. He had moved into contracting and was working for a company based in New Jersey before the Mrs rescued him. He isn't what you could call a believer and was finding it difficult to work for a company where every face to face meeting, teleconference and company dinner was started with a prayer and every problem was addressed with a group prayer.
 
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#84
You see this is what's got me thinking......

In doing my research I've channel-hopped the religious feeds on Sky. Forgetting the low budget Nigerian efforts of Paster Oligbubububu Ngbubu shouting on stage behind a school lectern and a front row looking like a Kids Company impersonator/revival meeting, the high-end budget output is amazing. Most of the televangelist crowd have haus fraus with bigger bouffants than the Pope's mitre and make up that looks like a tranny put it on in the back of a 432 on a night move, so you can understand why they might tend to spend the collection plate on cocaine and hooers. The real scam, and you have to hand it to them, is selling the tat that goes with the American dream. one channel is flogging, for $20 a go, a piece of cloth that is "blessed" by someone whose qualifications for holiness go no further than white teeth and big hair, in return for a 100%, cast-iron, guaranteed promise of wealth and prosperity - you know coz God's all about getting rich. Some homy's gettin' paid on that PONZI, I can tall ya!

Though I do rember watching a Reggie Yates documentary on BBC3 about Soot Effrikan televangelists - one bloke took to blessing g-strings and selling them to his young female "disciples". I'm going to have to look into that.

on the whole, if I'm going to have an isolates compound can I not have one that is a bit less...erm... "rustic"?
A friend of my lad's used to attend the local mega-church ROCKWALL - Lake Pointe Church it is one of a corporation of 6 church campuses taking care of everything from prayer to childcare and relationship counselling, coming with fitness studios and inhouse restaurants and cafe's. My lad used to go in with his mate to use the cafe to buy snacks and fizzy drinks.

My lad is money driven, very entrepreneurial to say the least, so he investigated the ownership of the church corporation. The couple of blokes who own the whole thing are billionaires. Church affiliation means anything bought by the church, for the church is tax free, they own not only the churches but, hospitals and medical centres too along with other affiliated businesses. Easy to build a business empire if you are not paying any tax.

The lad looked around at the way the church was laid out inside and he described it as being very much like Disney where you are guided into and past various donation opportunities. As you arrive you are fed in past a donation box area and gently guided to go into the cafe eatery if you have arrived early. During the service the donation buckets are bought around and watched as if they are in a Vegas casino - the 'expectation' is that you drop in $20 per person. Then at the end of the service, just like the end of a Disney ride, you are guided out through a shop where you can buy religious or church paraphenalia - in the case of Joel Osteen this would be his books and key rings with his face on them. After the shopping experience you are once again gently steered to walk past a donation opportunity before you finally leave. As a point of interest the similarity to Vegas does not only extend to watcing the donation buckets, nope, just like Vegas the have wandering discretely armed guards and an underground vualt room to which all donations and other income are shuttled either immediately or as soon as possible.

To underline the tax free point: My daughter worked weekends in Target. She used to tell us regularly of "church people" coming in, filling a shopping trolley with all manner of goods and at the checkout they would present a church card for the zero tax to be applied on the purchase.
 
#85
...Though I do rember watching a Reggie Yates documentary on BBC3 about Soot Effrikan televangelists - one bloke took to blessing g-strings and selling them to his young female "disciples". I'm going to have to look into that...

More comedy gold. One bloke here was spraying his followers with bug spray to cure them of their ills. Fucked up quite a few I believe. I'm guessing it was health related because by the stage of holy fervour where you let someone nuke your grid with insecticide there's little chance of any brain cells left.
 
#86
Copy the rules and laws of Islam but disguise any link to it, wait until the left and the media denounce you as fascists and demand you're banned, then announce where you got the ideas from and order the popcorn and big gulps.
 
#87
Live near a big modern happy clappy church, wife got asked recently did we move to the area to be near it.
No was the answer as it was her parents house before, the happy clapper said we should sell it to someone who wanted to be near it. Seems now the children have flown the nest we should move so a young family can move in and go to 3 of the good schools near by.

Wife said fine, market value is £XXXk you pay it we move tomorrow, if not shut up.

Think we are now black listed in the road now, wife thinking of telling neighbors we are in to wife swapping just to pee off the curtain twitchers and nosy neighbor who I think is a KGB spy as she seems to know everything about everyone in the street apart from us, the roads lepers & bad people!
 
#88
As a point of interest the similarity to Vegas does not only extend to watcing the donation buckets, nope, just like Vegas the have wandering discretely armed guards and an underground vualt room to which all donations and other income are shuttled either immediately or as soon as possible.

To underline the tax free point: My daughter worked weekends in Target. She used to tell us regularly of "church people" coming in, filling a shopping trolley with all manner of goods and at the checkout they would present a church card for the zero tax to be applied on the purchase.
Perhaps an apt quote here:

"They had applied the name of 'procuration' to their unconcealed simony, and that of 'sustentation' to their gluttony, as if (to say nothing of the meaning of the words) God were ignorant of the intentions of their wicked minds and would allow Himself to be deceived, as men are, by the mere names of things." (Giovanni Boccaccio, The Decameron, First Day, Second Story)
 
#89
Perhaps an apt quote here:

"They had applied the name of 'procuration' to their unconcealed simony, and that of 'sustentation' to their gluttony, as if (to say nothing of the meaning of the words) God were ignorant of the intentions of their wicked minds and would allow Himself to be deceived, as men are, by the mere names of things." (Giovanni Boccaccio, The Decameron, First Day, Second Story)
Never read Boccaccio but, an apt quote.
 
#90
Live near a big modern happy clappy church, wife got asked recently did we move to the area to be near it.
No was the answer as it was her parents house before, the happy clapper said we should sell it to someone who wanted to be near it. Seems now the children have flown the nest we should move so a young family can move in and go to 3 of the good schools near by.

Wife said fine, market value is £XXXk you pay it we move tomorrow, if not shut up.

Think we are now black listed in the road now, wife thinking of telling neighbors we are in to wife swapping just to pee off the curtain twitchers and nosy neighbor who I think is a KGB spy as she seems to know everything about everyone in the street apart from us, the roads lepers & bad people!
Get the wife into some dodgy fishnets, high heels, carrying a whip and put a red bulb in the outside light.

If that don't get you excommunicated then nothing will.
 
#91
Never read Boccaccio but, an apt quote.
The first time I read Boccaccio's Decameron, I was about 12 years old in a Catholic boarding school. I was reading Richard Aldington's translation, which I found out later was not the best available, but even so it was not long before I could see that as far as 'Crap and corruption' went, little had changed from Renaissance Florence, or, considering some of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, medieval England either.
 
#92
The first time I read Boccaccio's Decameron, I was about 12 years old in a Catholic boarding school. I was reading Richard Aldington's translation, which I found out later was not the best available, but even so it was not long before I could see that as far as 'Crap and corruption' went, little had changed from Renaissance Florence, or, considering some of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, medieval England either.
I read the bible and the koran, the bible IMHO is a good story of life 2000 years ago and the koran is somewhat disjointed. It struck me at school that the church was sending off people to go and fight crusades in the holy land so that it could increase its property portfolio. The muslims being no better with their Iman's seemingly wearing expensive watches.

I've had a robe wearing Buddhist monk try to scam me in Los Angeles. Seen an acquaintance (para & Cdo qualified SSgt) get sucked into the whole Bagwhan Shree Rajneesh thing for around ayear till he came to his senses.....but then he was getting to fcuk as many lady followers as he wanted.

I dunno if you get the telly prog in the UK but there is one about selling jet's to rich twonks, my lad watches it every so often. I caught one a few months ago and stopped to watch the local Dallas couple who were considering which jet to buy. They were twaddling on about should they buy the really obscenely expensive one or just the disgustingly expensive one. The husband turned around to the wife and said, more or less, "we'll have to buy this [cheaper] one because if we buy the expensive one all our friends will say we should have bought the cheaper one and donated the rest of the money to the church". Gobsmacked!
 
#93
For a long time I've given serious thought to jacking in the rat race and starting up my own cult. The problem is, I've got a couple of ideas in mind: do I go down the traditional sort of "Effrikan meets Bible Belt mega church, call myself "Apostle Woopert" (you have to admit it has a better ring to it than Pastor) and do the whole financial scandal/shagging a prostitute or two, or do I go down the full blown guns 'n' ammo in a compound with a dozen female followers who are also brain washed sex slaves. You have to admit the former gets you the rich lifestyle but a quick fall from grace and a few years in Pokey, the latter you get blart on tap (and a few mother/daughter combos) but is more likely to end in a firey death at the hands of the Feds. Neither is ideal.

Then I saw this: The L.A.-based shaman and 'spirit hacker' who has wooed Norway's Princess Martha | Daily Mail Online

Fukcin A! Shamen comes back from the dead and marries a Norwegian princess. Now there are always enough gullible Yanks in the world (he's from LA, so he must have got the idea out there somewhere) but I never figured the Scandies could be fertile recruiting ground.

What type of Cult should I set up and run? I need the advice of my fellow ARRSErs
Have you started it yet, who's in or out?
Which women women excluded?
Where & when will the orgy, er I mean cult be?
What is your title?
 
#94
Mead my good man, Mead. Alcoholic honey ffs Bees do most of the work
Its not just a religion based on hippy booze
valkyrie3.jpg

Lets not forget Valhalla, Valkyries, licence to roam, a Led Zeppelin theme song, incitement to visiting violence on others and then possessing their land, and of course, religious deliverables
ice giants.jpg
 

old_fat_and_hairy

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#95

old_fat_and_hairy

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#96
I don't know why, but on my facebook feed I get adverts for 'liturgical' wear. Shirts with a white bit under the collar and all manner of other stuff. No idea why, but as I have the link, maybe I could be a high poobah.
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#97
I don't know why, but on my facebook feed I get adverts for 'liturgical' wear. Shirts with a white bit under the collar and all manner of other stuff. No idea why, but as I have the link, maybe I could be a high poobah.
View attachment 393342
I don't think the Catholic priest role play fad will really catch on...
 
#98
I don't know why, but on my facebook feed I get adverts for 'liturgical' wear. Shirts with a white bit under the collar and all manner of other stuff. No idea why, but as I have the link, maybe I could be a high poobah.
View attachment 393342


The 3 dresses shown, the middle one, the one with the purple inverted "Ban the Bomb" logo on, does that imply the wearer condones the use of atomic bombs?, or am I missing something here? just saying....like!
 
#99
The 3 dresses shown, the middle one, the one with the purple inverted "Ban the Bomb" logo on, does that imply the wearer condones the use of atomic bombs?, or am I missing something here? just saying....like!
An Anglo-Catholic bore/pedant writes: that is a chasuble, as worn by the presiding priest at Mass/Eucharist. The other two being the dalmatic (two bars, deacon for the use of) and the tunicle (one bar, sub-deacon for the use of).

I have been know to wear a tunicle...
 
Anyway, returning to the original point... I think there is definitely mileage in seeking such a personal following and status that your name becomes synonymous with unassailable authority. Most famously worked for that chap Caesar, where a rather silly name (meaning "Hairy") became a symbol of unique power and authority. Even before him, it seems that the Hittite Great Kings came up with idea some 1700 years before - as far as we can judge, the founder of the Kingdom was called Labarna or Tabarna, and thereafter, each king was known as the Labarna/Tabarna (the phonetics of ancient Nesite are a bit of a guessing game, hence the uncertainty over L vs T). So yes, you would not only be Woopert, but Woopert THE (first and greatest) Woopert. PBUH.
 

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